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I AM STILL TRYING TO COPE WITH MY HUSBAND CHEATING STILL FEEL BAD
September 19, 2006
11:15 pm
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MOEY
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I WANT HIM TO LEAVE THE HOUSE AND GIVE ME MY SPACE BUT HE WILL NOT LEAVE> I HAVE 4 CHILDERN TO THINK ABOUT. WHAT DO THINK I SHOULD DO

September 19, 2006
11:17 pm
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Zinnie
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Are you going to file for divorce?

September 19, 2006
11:29 pm
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MOEY
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not sure yet

September 19, 2006
11:33 pm
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Zinnie
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If it were me, I would ask him to leave. Tell him that you need time to think things through clearly. If he won't leave - I would check into getting a restraining order. But, depending on where you live and the laws that are in affect, you might have to file for legal separation in order to gain a restraining order.

Why does he not want to leave?

September 19, 2006
11:48 pm
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MOEY
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Because he thinks we should work on it for the family. He said it was only sex and dose not have feeling for this women. I know he is lying because is lasted so long

September 20, 2006
12:13 am
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Matteo
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Just sex??? So what about you? Can't he have sex with you? He wants his cake and eat it too. You don't have to agree to that, and he should move out. I would have a fit and kick him out.

September 20, 2006
12:55 am
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realchick
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Can i offer a different perspective? Whether he moves out or not, it takes time to fully process what happened. He could move out and you could still not take the time to process what you desire for your life. For me, no one could tell me when I had enough. I got through it one day at a time with the focus of a) what do I need to do a this moment to take care of myself & for your kids.. When you've had enough, YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH and you'll know when that time comes. For me, it was easier when he moved out because I was so focused on what he did that I forgot all of the gifts and talents I had. It took conversations and support from many my friends to remind me of who I was and help guide me through what I want for my life with our with out him. Many fears (barriers) filled my mind, who would want me? how would have the things I wanted (financially) but regardless of FEAR (false evidence appearing real)I was able a little at a time to let in love from other people and that helped me love myself and once that happened it didn't really matter if someone else wanted me or how much money I imagined I'd be without because I was happy and motivated to do I thought would make me the most happy. So I hope that helps. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

September 20, 2006
9:12 am
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wazz
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if he won't move out, can't you take the children somewhere for a little while just to get some head space for yourself?

September 20, 2006
10:33 pm
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MOEY
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iT HARD TO MOVE THE KIDS WITH SCHOOL. i COULD GO ALOT OF PLACES BUT IT NOT FAIR FOR MY 4 CHILDERN. hE JUST WON'T LEAVE. hE KEEP TELL ME HE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT. I JUST CAN NOT I FELL LIKE SUCH A FOOL

September 20, 2006
10:59 pm
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Matteo
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((((MOEY)))),

He betrayed you and now he wants you to put up with this. He should have at least some respect for your feelings and move out, and it is up to you if you want to talk, not to him. You don't write much but you seem very caring and responsible for the children and very calm in that situation. Maybe you are still in the first shock, but I know that I wouldn't be able to be as calm and considerate as you are. He really doesn't deserve you.

realchick ~ I hear what you saying - you leave when you have enough, but for some one time is enough, while for others 20 years might be enough. I was trying many times until I had enough, and from the perspective I know that I tried for too long. Some things never change, and in my opinion that's one of those things.

September 20, 2006
11:14 pm
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MOEY
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It hard to decide what to do. I hate him a lot right now>>I try to keep my self moving nights are hard that when i think of everything

September 20, 2006
11:31 pm
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Moey, Hi. I am so sorry your husband has treated you this way. You really do need time to process all your feelings.

If you can tell him you need to be separated from him for a while, and he still is badgering you to talk, maybe you can get him to at least just leave you alone within the house -- sleep in another room for now, and when you are both home at the same time find things to do in another part of the house. Maybe arrange to be absent when he is home if that is possible. Ask him to respect that you need some distance from him. That for you to get over his LYING is for him to demonstrate some behavior you can trust. Like continual and constant respect until you are ready to talk, if ever.

Honest to God, if he EVER wants your respect back, he has to be responsible about this behavior now and recognize that a person in pain cannot just "relieve" him of all his feelings immediately.

My H had a weekend fling with a woman and never told me until yeeeaars later....it has made me take such a long look at everything in our relationship. That broken trust -- the capability of maintaining a lie like that -- is/was very difficult for me to swallow. I had always believed that we really had a sound, loving relationship. It made me feel like everything was a lie.

Somewhere in there, there was genuine love for you. He cannot expect things to revert to the way they were before he indulged his ego. It's not your fault. He made those choices. He needs to allow you your choices now.

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