Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
i am ready to start talking about sexual abuse
June 7, 2006
5:44 am
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi...

I am so glad to hear that you are in therapy! Therapy has done WONDERS for me! I am glad you have found a woman who you can trust and you feel comfortable with and safe...Saftey is VERY important when dealing with these issues!

Awesome of you to be so brave and send the e-mail to your counselor!! It is ok that you started with an e-mail, it was still a very brave and courageous move!!! Sometimes what we can not voice aloud is easier to start with a letter, or with writing. (((hugs to you))), and a big pat on the back!!!

"can you tell me if this is something that happened to you?"

I was not sexually abused by a family member...at least not that I can "remember" clearly...I have sneaking suspisions about my maternal grandfather though...

I was molested by a female baby sitter at the age of 3. I was used sexually by 2 older boys in my neighborhood when I was 10 years old, and I believe that I endured sexual abuse at the hands of a male worker at a daycare center around the age of 7 (this one I am not sure about, no "concrete" memories, just odd feelings and body memories.)

I was physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually abused by my father, and my mother and I share a very close, very enmeshed co-dependant relationship that I am just now beginning to realise how much has affected me.

I don't know how much detail you want, I know you are probably overwhelmed enough with your own stuff right now, and I do not want to take the focus of your thread off of you, so that is all I will say right now, unless you have questions, then I will tell you anything you want to know. I am VERY open and hinest about my past, my present, and all I have done in my journey of healing and recovery, and I will help you any way I can.

Free

June 7, 2006
5:46 am
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

"I am VERY open and hinest about my past,"

hinest=honest....LOL

June 7, 2006
6:01 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

it is just very important to me that my therapist believe me. i know that she will say that she does. she specializes in this type of thing and i know that there is no "right" way to do this or to feel but i just need to know that she believes me

June 7, 2006
11:42 am
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I understand that.

I mean, your family knew what was going on with you, yet still no one protected or saved you. I would think that one might internalize something like that, and then begin to doubt thier own reality...

And with memories that are not fully formed, I know sometimes I doubt myself, or think I must be crazy or making it all up...so for my Therapist or anyone else to BELIEVE me really gives me alot of validation that I often can not give my self.

Someone told me a long time ago...If you "think" it happened, it probably did!

I believe you, CPT. I know there is no reason a person would make up something like that! There's no point! I believe Every Word!!!

June 7, 2006
11:46 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

CPT:

Hope you are feeling somewhat better today and focused on dealing w/ this. Free gives great advice doesn't she. šŸ™‚

Just wanted to check in and see how you are.

HI FREE: Jeff is still doin well.

June 7, 2006
6:35 pm
Avatar
lightchaser
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I just read your post and want to cry. You are so brave.

I believe you too.

I was abused by my grandfather along with everyone else in my family. I remember sitting on his lap, his hands on my privates, while everyone laughed and talked over coffee. I was about 5. I blocked alot and people have told me things they saw him do to me that I can't even remember him doing. Its weird how the mind plays tricks.

I too was mad at everyone but him. My grandmother especially. I knew that she knew what was going on and never stopped it.

At some point I told a therapist and that stoped the abuse because child protective services were called. He didn't come to my graduation or my wedding.

When he died of cancer the year afte I was married, the whole family went to his side. I did not. I wanted him to die with my absence in his eyes. I wanted him to remember what he had done and to die knowing there was a consequence.

I don't know if it was right. But I no longer hate him.

The abuse you endured was far more traumatic than mine. I want to hold the little girl you were and kick your grandfathers a**.

I am proud of you for e-mailing your post to your therapist. She will help you. You have nothing to fear or be ashamed of. you will heal.

((((cpt))))))

June 8, 2006
1:02 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thank you all for your support and your stories. i do have somethings to add and the reaction to my email but it is late and i am tired; i didn't sleep last night. i will update tomorrow.

thank you all again for giving me the support and the reaction that i needed so long ago.

June 8, 2006
1:58 am
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

CPT:

We are all here to support eachother. If I have gained one AMAZING thing out of the hell that was MY abuse...it has been the overwhelming ability to CONNECT with others like me...like you. Being able to recover enough from my own stuff so that I can help others with there own has been a gift.

I do not believe we will EVER be able to stop rape and abuse from happening...but we CAN heal, and go on to use our Stregnth to help others find thier own!

There are some ponies at the end of the shit heap!!! (That is the words of an old sponsor. šŸ˜‰

I am anxious to hear how your T. session went.

Here for u...

Erica

-----------

Mamma,

I am so glad for you and yor family that all is going so well with Jeff. You all remain in my prayers!

E.

----------

((((((lightchaser)))))))

Hugs to you, fellow survivor. One thing I learned. NO ONE'S particular abuse is more or less worse than the next person's. We are all effected each so differently, yet so simalarly by our own abuse. Our abuse is a part of our history, and a part of our truth. Do not minimize what you went through. I did that for a long time, invalidating what happened to me, and only untill I could accept the GRAVITY of my own abuse and the way it effected ME, only then could I truly begin to heal!!

You too are strong and courageaous!!! A survivor!

Hugs to you!!!

Erica

June 10, 2006
1:37 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

so, i emailed my therapist my original post and she called to set up an appt. i went to see her and we talked about what comes next and what i can expect and things that i can choose to do or not to do. i asked her if she believed me and (ofcourse) she said she did but i think that she was sincere. since then i have not been to work or taken a shower or done much of anything. i thought that i would feel overwhelmed but i dont i feel nothing.

June 10, 2006
1:53 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

its very normal sweetheart I went through a period of time when I felt nothing too infact I have to still work very hard to put emtions with my memories. ITs a tatic to save ourselves that we learned growing up I did not have time tonight to read everyones posts sorry I didnt get to you sooner sweetheart. I am so sorry for everything you have been through. (((CPT))) My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this difficult stage in healing

June 10, 2006
1:55 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks random,

i appreciate your comment and don't worry about not posting sooner, just take care of yourselve and get some rest.

June 10, 2006
1:57 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Goodnight sweetheart. I just wish that I could meet most of the people on here cause Im a very huggy person and no I dont wear huggies LOL anyway excuse that Im tired. But I love to give hugs. HUGS ALL AROUND LOve ya good night

June 10, 2006
4:56 pm
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

CPT,

I am very proud of you for talking this all out with your therapist, and I hope that your talk wioth her about a plan of action went well.

Like I said before, just try not to judge your feelings, and don't push or, "coulda, woulda, shoulda" yourself. You are doing great!

When I was really going through a rough piece of work about 9 months ago, I took a whole week and a half off from work. I had nothing left to give life, all my energy was used on not letting myself slip down into desolation, and working on my shit! It's ok, it happens. This journey is a rough one, but oh, so worth it!!! IMO.

I shower might be good. Or maybe a hot bath with bubbles, or smell goods. I find a good hot bath, in the candlelight, with soothing music is always a good way to calm my nerves, or to give myself physical sensation when numb. (the heat of the water, the smell of the candles, sounds of music, etc...)

So I gotta go now I am in a hurry, just wanted to stop in and check on you.

Have a good day. Take care of You!!

Erica

June 11, 2006
7:58 pm
Avatar
lightchaser
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

CPT- How are you doing today. I just caught up on your posts. You are doing the right thing for yourself even though it is exhausting and numbing right now. (((cpt))))
Hope you are alright today. Just know I am thinking of you and I am proud of what you did. It took alot of courage.
Light

June 11, 2006
9:17 pm
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i am falling apart. since my meeting with my therapist about this i have been sleeping. sometimes up to 24hrs. at a time. i have not showered or gone to work or answered the phone. now that i am awake i am just sitting here like a zombi. i don't know how to move

June 11, 2006
10:40 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sweetheart. I understand that feeling its a difficult stage to go through but you can make it through it sweetheart I know you can I have faith in you. It might take a while while your working though this though. Just take your time and dont be too hard on yourself. ((((cpt1212)))) We love you here.

June 12, 2006
1:53 am
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

CPT:

Do you have a friend where you are, someone who you trust? Someone who knows what is going on with you, or that you trust and value enough to tell what is going on. I think it would be good if you asked someone to help you through this. Someone to help motivate you to get out of bed, take a shower, put on clothes, maybe go get something to eat or something.

I know it is easy to let the numbness and the depression take over, but you have to take control. REMEMBER, it is only memories now!!! You have already been through it! YOU CAN DO THIS!

Gather up your courage. Ge gentle and loving to yourself. Give yourself a bath...put on fresh clothes...go outside in the sunlight and let the breeze blow on your face and the sun warm you.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

Here for you...

Erica

June 12, 2006
1:59 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thank you eric,

i plan to go to work in the morning. and put one foot in front of the other. i feel a little overwhelmed because i have let things go for the past few days, but i am going to tackle it in the morning.

i do have a wonderful friend. the best friend you could ask for, but she is currently going thru a horrible time that no one should ever have to go thru and right now i am the strong end of the duo===hah!

June 12, 2006
12:05 pm
Avatar
ScaredinMichigan
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

cpt1212-

I am so sorry for your pain. Know that you are not alone. I think that has helped me more than anything else ever could have. I know the pain that you are feeling, I do. Please believe that. I have been there. I don't know if you have read any of my threads or not, but I do KNOW. I am so sorry. I hope that you can find peace in your heart, as I believe that is what we are all searching for. We can't change what has been done to us, only what we do with it. I believe that it can be used for good to help someone else. People here are helping all kinds of people with what they have been through. I hope that one day I can do the same thing. We just have to believe that we can rise above. Because we can. Getting it all out was a good thing. It may not even seem like it right now, it does not always to me, but I have to believe that in the long run that it will help. Here was the first place that I finally did the same thing, and that has only been within the last couple of weeks. I only have been around this site for about a month. It has been a great thing for me. I hope that you find the same sense of comfort and freedom that I do. I hope that you are finding that you are cared about by people here, and that you are free to share the details and you will find that people want to help in any way that they can. I hope that you continue to move forward.

Scared

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
21
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110924
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38537
Posts: 714209
Newest Members:
delight1080, laticia1, Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer