Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
I am reaching out, please reach back...
November 9, 2004
12:48 pm
Avatar
i_think_im_ready
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Okay, so i just happened upon this website this morning while i was searhing for... well, to be honest i dont know what exactly i am searching for and i dont even know if i am in the right place. I guess what i really want is an easy answer, a simple solution, but i know that isnt going to happen. i need some honest, upfront advice and i am too embarrassed to talk to anyone about this that is close to me. i just get so jealous and feel so bad about myself every time i think about my fiance's past relatonships, i feel like i cant even compare with them. last night i stumbled across some pictures of him with his ex and it nearly made me vomit. i mean, i know i shouldnt be feeling this way because its not like i have never been with anyone else before him and i know that he loves me and doesnt want to be with her anymore. i just dont know what to do now. do these feelings pass? will i ever be okay with myself?

November 9, 2004
12:54 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Ready,

You are going to be just fine! How can I say that? Because you are already seeing within yourself some things that need to be different. Recognizing these things is the hardest part!

When you find yourself in a place where you can love yourself, then you won't feel so concerned about his love for you. My suggestion is to start there--with self love.

Welcome!

Ren'ai

November 9, 2004
1:02 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey ready,
Welcome to the site. I'm battling myself right now but let me tell you I've had the same feelings. I've seen pictures of my girl with her exes and everytime I see them I get ill. I don't know what it is but we jsut don't want to imagine that our mate was ever happy and in a committed relationship with someone else. It comes down I think to being confident in who we are and what WE bring to the table. Me and my girl are going through a deal right now and I keep trying to remember that though I have made my share of mistakes, I have been really good to her. It always takes it's toll and remember, you may still feel bad when you see the pictures but it's the way that we react to things that counts. Try to remember that you love each other and are together now, if those people didn't screw up in some way, you never would have had that opportunity. Hugs and keep posting. These people will help you.
~Bubishi~

November 9, 2004
1:27 pm
Avatar
i_think_im_ready
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks for your responses. i started crying when i read them and i know exactly why. i guess i already know what i have to do, but it seems so difficult to get started. its really scary...

November 9, 2004
1:29 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tell us what it is you think you have to do?? Sometimes I've found that it helps to just voice it here. that way, if there is a "flaw" in the plan, someone here usually can pick up on it and give sound advice.

November 9, 2004
1:39 pm
Avatar
i_think_im_ready
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i need to build on my self confidence. i need to feel at least okay in my own skin. i need to be able to look at myself in the mirror without thinking about everything i want to change about my physical appearance. i need to be able to accept myself for who i am. i need to be okay with myself when i make mistakes. i need to start putting myself first...

November 9, 2004
2:16 pm
Avatar
chasaphatty
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ready
You have definately come to the right place for advice. Keep in mind that it is you that have him now. There was something about you that got his mind off of her. I mean you have to be perfect in his head and the whole relationship and you have to be perfect for him cause he asked you to spend the rest of you life with him. He wants you to be the only one forever and for someone to ask you to be that one means your must be perfect in his book. Learn to love yourself because obviously does. Learning to love yourself is a process but keep coming back here and I promise it will be easier! Good luck!

Chasaphatty

November 9, 2004
2:19 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ready,

If you are in a place where you feel that you need to build on your self confidence, I would ask you to do a favor for yourself.

Please, think of one thing about yourself that you sincerely LIKE, and write about it here...

Love,

Ren'ai

November 9, 2004
2:49 pm
Avatar
i_think_im_ready
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

One thing I sincerely like about myself is my ability to be real and honest, not only with myself but with others as well. I am also good at taking responsibility for my actions and recognizing when I am in the wrong. I am very sensitive which can act as a double edged sword at times but most of the time I a grateful for that quality.

November 9, 2004
2:53 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Great!!!

Now, how can you use those qualities to overcome the challenges you are currently facing?

You can write about it or not, it's up to you. I'm just trying to help you get the ball rolling here. I hope it's working!!!

Love,

Ren'ai

November 9, 2004
2:56 pm
Avatar
i_think_im_ready
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

well, thats where i am getting stuck... i know i have the ability to work through my insecurities, but i just dont know where to start. it all seems like too much. i feel like i am staring ahead at a huge, disorderly mess and somehow i have to figure out how to get everything organized and put back in its right place.

November 9, 2004
3:15 pm
Avatar
cityflyer
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You have already mentioned a number of positive character traits. And the best thing, you believe in them of yourself too. These are great qualities to have.

November 9, 2004
3:19 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Okay. You are good at being open and honest. What would happen if you were open and honest with your boyfriend about how you feel?

You also said you are good at taking responsibility for your actions. Are you in a space where you are able to take responsibility for your happiness and "act" on it? I would say you are because you are posting here.

I guess my next musing is, what do you "do" that makes you feel happy?

Love,

Ren'ai

November 9, 2004
3:21 pm
Avatar
i_think_im_ready
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i am already starting to feel a little less hopeless about this. i know its going to take a lot of work, a lot... but i have to do it because there is no way i am going to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. its not fair to me or to those who i surround myself with... i just need to stop focusing so much on my negative qualities and become more aware of my positive ones.

November 9, 2004
3:27 pm
Avatar
i_think_im_ready
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I like to read, i like to paint and sew, listen to music, i just started working to improve my photography skills. lately, i have been involving myself in politics, moreso than ever before and i am really enjoying that.

November 9, 2004
10:14 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Let's take another route, let's look at the inside. All of the things you have listed are great! They say who you are on the outside, probably a very talented , interlligent intereting young lady....so...now, what is special about you? What sets you apart from any one else? And in your relationship with this guy, why do you think he is attracted to you?

November 9, 2004
10:23 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ready-

Wow, you sound a lot like me. I too struggle with the same things you do. Welcome to the site, it's been a very big help to me, and I've only been here a month! I look forward to talking to you more!!

hugs and support,

art angel

November 10, 2004
12:53 am
Avatar
SassyAlex
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh, I know this feeling well. I HATE seeing pictures of the exes, I avoid it at all costs. I remember about 5 years ago with a previous relationship I stumbled upon a picture of him and his ex on a boat cruise. I too felt so physically sick. What really freaked me out is that she resembled me. Let me tell you, that does a number on your psyche. I tend not to be a jealous person, but there's something about exes that send me over the edge.

What I try to remind myself is that I had exes too, I have pictures of myself in love with others from the past, we all do. I understand how you feel, I say the best thing to do is try and avoid seeing pictures if they bother you so much.

November 10, 2004
1:01 am
Avatar
CANSADAdeTODO
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello ! ready i agree wit many of the things everyone has been writing, and yes i think everything is in YOU ! you have to realize that your a wonderful storng person that your bf has chose because of many reasons! and what matters is that he is right there with you, therefore no one can change that , the past , is the past and you and him are the future
focus on that , direct all of that energy towards the future and the many blessings you probably have with him!
You have my prayers and support
CANSADA

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
30
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111039
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38581
Posts: 714351
Newest Members:
kozakor, cabaccum, tayecok, serebrina, zanehamilton, HowardWow1997
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information