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I am new here.......wanted to say hello
November 6, 2004
3:20 pm
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HappyOnTheOutside
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September 29, 2010
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I feel very lucky to have found this board!!! I am codependant and am tired of feeling weighed down and controlled by all that others "need" from me. I am one of those "people pleasers" who is just learning that saying "no" is okay without feeling guilty for days.....I just got married in May, and am trying to break free from my dysfunctional family. (My Stepmom is an alcoholic, my Mother has Paranoid Schizophrenia.) I feel a great sense of hope knowing that there are others out there who know where I am coming from!!! I thought I would introduce myself so otHers know who I am when I post. I really need a safe place to be able to vent and get advice.

Thanks!!!!

November 6, 2004
3:32 pm
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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hi Happy, and welcome to this wonderful site, and yes, you are not alone...I have had the hardest time saying NO to please me, instead of yes to please others....I too would feel so guilty if I said no, cuz "they" would be mad...well what about me??? if i don't want to do something or go out with someone all I do is say NO...its easy to say once you start it regularly.

I myself, have been in relationships with addictive men being drugs, gambling, pot and alcohol....and I am still single. I always want to fix and caretake these kind of men.

I could yap on for a long time, but just wanted to (((welcome you with open arms)))) and feel free to start a thread or join in on anyone at your
convenience.

...Camer

November 6, 2004
3:36 pm
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HappyOnTheOutside
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September 29, 2010
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Thanks Camer!!!! Yeah, it is hard to un-learn the things I didn't learn healthily the first time around. I used to obsess and worry myself sick (literally) when I ould say "no" to anyone. I would say "yes", act happy, and really, I was miserable inside. Then I would resent the other person for asking me for a favor, which isn't fair, since they had no idea I really wanted to say "no". I obviously have a long way to go, but I feel I have a great start with finding this site!!!

November 6, 2004
3:40 pm
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CAMER
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Forum Posts: 100
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September 30, 2010
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yes you do happy!!! and I too, used to feel awful, if anyone asked me to go out say on a Friday nite, and I didnt really want to go, I would still say YES, so they would be happy, and I too used to resent the
person who asked....now I find it much easier to say NO, cuz trust me
alot of people have said NO to me when I asked to hang out with them, and I think its great to stick up for yourself....its a long road we are on, and the support here makes it
that much easier.

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