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i am irritated due to formal nature help me
May 17, 2007
4:12 pm
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khushi
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hi,
i am in anew country now and i am facing certain problems regerding my friends.
i am since 2 months but the friends i made are not friends and so i want some good friends who are not formal, this is because i am a friendly type of person and here mostly everybody is very mean and formal. i try to be close to them but they dont allow or they are shy. please help me regarding this problem so that ia can make good friends like i had before.

May 17, 2007
5:22 pm
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Dear Khushi,

Welcome to this site. Hope you find some cyber friends here!!

I think you might be expecting too much after only 2 months. I think it takes longer to become close to other people, no matter how strange and unfamiliar the language and customs.

I work with people in English as a Second Language classes. If you can find some of these classes, you may find other people in the same situation as you who are needing a good friend as much as you.

One factor might be that people are drawn to someone new and different as a novelty -- and that is not really friendship if they are just using you as a conversation piece, you know??? Sometimes we try to make friends too quickly, and scare them away by talking about private personal things too soon in the relationship.

If you want to meet people with interests like yours, try going to places that interest you....museums, art galleries, church, computer classes or whatever....and then talk about stuff you are interested in together.

Give yourself more time. Be patient. Try not to get irritated by foolish things that people say, or heedless, hurtful things. Lots of people behave awkwardly when they don't know how to behave. Young people, especially SOME GIRLS, can be very very superficial.

Just be yourself. Good people will recognize what a neat person you are eventually and want to try to be your friend.

Meanwhile, polite and formal is really, really NOT that bad! (Better than weird people you don't like calling you). Best of luck 🙂

May 18, 2007
12:39 pm
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bumping up for more input

May 18, 2007
1:05 pm
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4harmony
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I agree that it may just be too short of a time period. Also, with cultural differences, it may just not be what you're used to. In the end though, I believe all people are basically the same, so people will come around and be more relaxed and friendly towards you. I also agree that you should just be yourself, and you will find like-minded people naturally gravitating toward you!

May 18, 2007
1:14 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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I also think that it's too soon to expect people to be "close" to you.

If you find you "click" with one or two certain people, you can try to build the relationship by making plans with them and getting to know them on a "deeper" level.

But in all reality, most relationships take time to build.

May 18, 2007
3:24 pm
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nappy
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I was told at a very yound age, that everyone is not your friend.

You will know in your heart, who you can be friends with and who not.

If those friends is not really a friend at all, then you are not responsble for them in making them your friends.

Let these people go and surround yourself with people that is just like you.

Get to know people and don't be hurt if they don't respond to you. They maybe don't know how.

Give yourself a chance and don't give up being who you are.

Just trust yourself enough to know if these are the right people or not for you.

Nappy!

May 19, 2007
11:13 am
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khushi, I hope you have been able to see these responses!

May 19, 2007
1:04 pm
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fantas
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khushi, It's possible that your are smack in the middle of culture shock in the new country where tradition and mannerisms are unfamiliar. As time passes and if you open yourself up to it, the new traditions may start to make sense to you and you will be able to meet your friendship needs met. The burden in on you to learn as much and as quickly as you possibly can how to negotiate your way in that new place and not on the people you meet. What a growing experience for you. Hang in there, things will start to make sense. I hope you are able to enjoy your new environment soon. Would you like to share where you are and maybe someone might explain some of traditions for you.

May 21, 2007
2:56 am
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Making friends is hard to do as an adult. In my opinion, if it happens instantaneously, the friendships aren't that deep (but that doesn't mean they can't grow). Sometimes the best friendships are those that happen naturally and gradually. You can't force that, and must give it time.

I know it's hard because am going through a difficult phase myself. It is hard when you have to start building social connections from scratch. Maybe if we keep in mind that this is temporary, we won't let it get us so down that we won't keep an open mind. Sometimes you find future friends in people you'd least expect to.

Keep posting,
hugs,
ella

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