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I am having a really bad night and need advice
August 1, 2005
1:05 am
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these boots-

why do they tell you not to keep the puppy?

-ella

August 1, 2005
1:09 am
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theseboots
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My husband played mind games with me ever since the beginning or our relationship. My kids kept telling me that so now they think this is the best thing to happen to me (his leaving) Maybe I will eventually think that too but I hope it happens soon.

He is not a very clean or tidy person. He is clean about his person but he is not careful or clean about anything else.

In our agreement if something happens that he is not able to temporarily or permenantly able to look after the dogs he has to have them returned to me. Our lawyers drew that up and it is legal.
I think I should tell him to give them back or I will take him to court to get them. He thinks my family is rich and my step father would pay my legal bills as he did for my daughter. He would not pay them but I never told the husband that I told him my step father said he would help me with legal bills. An outright lie but he served it's purpose then and maybe it would again.
I am really slowed down now and I am so sleepy I should think about bed.
I am so glad I found this chat line last night. It is the first one I ever tried but it is such a relief to have some place to turn.
Thank you so much lost and found and mzrella and mama Cinanamon. I knew if I could get a response I could get distracted. I am very thankful for finding this chat line. Yesterday I was pretty good and I was real cool last night on the line and today I just fell apart. I have to find a support group.

August 1, 2005
1:10 am
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lost and found
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boots, i hope u are doing better, just letting u know that i get on this site (usually) around 11pm eastern standard time every night. i will be glad to talk to u whenever u want. k?

it helps me alot to read all the threads, i learn alot by everybody's advice and what they have done in different siuations....even though i dont always post i read them all almost every night...maybe it will help u some...

August 1, 2005
1:14 am
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theseboots
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They tell me not to keep the puppy because they think I will have to move to an apartment because of my physical health they think I cannot do the outside maintenance.
He never listens to anything I say about the dogs. He farmed and seems to think an animal doesn't need special attention. We had 2 females and a stud. I did all the grooming and looking after puppies etc so he has no idea. The last time he was here he after I told them they were not very clean, their eyes were running and they smelled he wrote down a list of what he needed. I would like to see the dogs but how do I do that with out seeing him. I wish we had someone that could be a drop off so I would not have to run into him.

August 1, 2005
1:14 am
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Support groups are helpful and have the possiblity of making friendships outside of the group.

I hope you are feeling better tomorrow and have a good sleep.

-ella

August 1, 2005
1:17 am
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Boots:

I to am on massive amounts of prescriptions. If you listen to every illness there is I'm sure most of us could relate to a bit of each one. May I ask What was the diagnosis your doctor gave you?
I was diagnosed ptsd first which then went in to fibromyalgia, into, into, into... If you'd like to share. My evil X was the cause of my ptsd, mind games, evil man. Anyway, I can relate. Just wanted you to know I and many others her know exactly what you are speaking of. Maybe not of your exact circumstances, but of the outcomes.

August 1, 2005
1:17 am
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theseboots
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What support group do I look for and where do I look. There is something in our local paper about Emotions Anonymous Meetings. Have you ever heard of them? Any suggestions. I am keeping a tight upper lip with people I know but I get in my car and cry all the way home.

August 1, 2005
1:20 am
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lost and found
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good night yall....

August 1, 2005
1:20 am
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theseboots
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I am sorry if I was kind of selfish tonight. I do think and care about everyone else. Tonight I got carried away. My kids keep telling me to look after me but it is very uncomfortable some times. When I worked the staff referred to me as the Earth Mother. Boy if they could see me now.

August 1, 2005
1:26 am
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theseboots
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What is pstd? I have had a very bad back since I was a kid. I had an awful beating when I was 12. I have degenreative osteo arthritis, chronic pain, I have to take a medicine which makes my food digest as the nerves that should do this just quit. I have GERD. Carnel tunnel syndorome and something in my right shoulder just hurts all the time (arthritis I guess). I get polyps in my colon and they remove those every 2 years. I go for that the end of August. And then I have depression and other related illness's but my doc says I am intelligent and rationale. Go figure.

August 1, 2005
1:27 am
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theseboots
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good night and than you your help is very much appreciated

August 1, 2005
1:28 am
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boots, were u a nurse???thought i was going to bed.. ha ha

August 1, 2005
1:35 am
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hey, i am 42, a rn, i keep all the books for my husbands business, have four kids, very independant. and i suffer from depression(lexapro controls it) had juvenile rheumatoid arhritis as a kid(in and out of hospital constantly)got toxo from trying to save abird my brother shot with a bb gun. blind in one eye, only have central vision in my good eye. just thought i would share..ha ha

August 1, 2005
1:43 am
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Boots:

PTDS post traumatic stress syndrome. I got it from my first marriage says my doc.

You poor thing. I empathize w/ your list of illnesses. Stinks don't it. I have been ill since a long time ago, but diagnosed w/ fibro in '95. It pretty much stayed localized to my arms and some other problems, but then 3 years ago I got shingles and then everything went downhill. Still is. I had to laugh when you said the doc said you are intelligent and rationale. My docs tell me my ducks are pretty much all in a row. lol. It is hard to be on the inside young, smart, full of energy, but to have a body that doesn't cooperate. I don't complain tho. My God is good and he loves me and there are reasons for everything I believe. Just some days are harder than others.

You having these problems and w/ the chronic pain (I have that too) then your pain levels are most likely higher than most. So, that said, you have more of a capacity to handle this situation. Doesn't make it hurt any less, but you can and will persevere if you choose to.

Good night lost and found. SI did post upstairs.

I'd better think about turning in also. Have to be up in 4 hours anyway. Sleep well all.

PS. Mzerlla. Didn't say earlier. How are you? Have missed seeing you around. Hope well.

August 1, 2005
3:27 pm
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theseboots
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I am back!!!!!

Thanks to the people who talked to me last night I have made it this far today. Now I am on the verge of hysteria again.

I put the following on another thread where the person is doing exactly what I am doing today.

If you read the following could you tell me what you think.

We were together 29 years 15 of those married and he has been gon 9 weeks today. He has dropped in 3 times.

Here it is:

theseboots
1-Aug-05

Hurts so Bad I am going through the exact same thing today. I am hurting really bad also and trying to absorb the good advice given to you.

My ex has call display so he does not answer my phone calls.

I send emails which he never answers.

I just sent one and then felt so bad I had to come on to the chatline.

I have another email sitting in drafts wondering if I should send it.

Saturday I was convinced I was codependant and I am but I have doing more research and think I am addicted to my prescription drugs. I have all the symtoms of the side effects listed. I drove my husband away with erratic behaviour, costant crying and being to needy.

The pills I take cause depression (3 of them.)

My email to him that I have not sent, has the drugs and the symptoms listed and he will see that is me. I don't think he really cares what the problem is anymore. I am afraid if I send it he will tell all our friends and family and I will be humiliated some more. I told him I would join 2 groups Drugs Anonymous and Emotions Anonymous.

Is it worth sending the email or will I only make the problem worse.I want so bad to save my marriage. I would sure like to hear some opinions on this. I don't know if I can follow the advice but I would like to give it a try. What do you think?

August 1, 2005
4:12 pm
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Boots:

I am an overly cautious person coz my evil x used anything against me. But if you want opinions then mine is ...

NO, don't sent it. If you truly feel he has moved on and does not care anyway then what good will giving him info like this do? Harm you? Isn't gonna do anything for him other than to go around and say "See, I told ya she was nuts". (Sorry) I just don't think it a good idea.

August 1, 2005
11:54 pm
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theseboots
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That's Ok Mamacinnamon! Your right! He could tell everyone I am nuts. I have these nuts moments like last night. If it would not have been for you and lost and found I would have been crazy all night. As it was you slowed me down and when i went to bed I pretty well passed out until 9:30 AM this morning. I feel much better tonight I had a bad afternoon today but those moments are starting to get farther apart. I was reading someone else's thread a while ago and put on what I am going to do tomorrow. I am going to see if I can find it and all you dog lovers can eat your heart out! LOLO

August 1, 2005
11:56 pm
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theseboots
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here it is my plan for tomorrow. I am determined I am going to have fun

i have had some time to think about my impetuous question. I definately don't want someone to replace my husband I just thought it might distract me. I like the get a hobby idea better.

this is what I am going to do tomorrow. There is a dog show at one of the large senior homes tomorrow. I have a beauriful Small Shih Tzu (8 pounds. $ weeks ago she had puppies 3 boys and 1 girl.

Today I put some flowers on my dogs harness and after supper I made 3 blue bow ties and a pink one that I attached to navy and burgundy bias tape. I have a big basket and we are all going to the dog show.

I think I might even put some makeup on. I would like to wear a skirt but fortunately I have lost enough weight none of them fit.

Maybe someone will see the pups and put a deposit on one or more. They are beautiful and there dad is also Shih Tzu but my husband took him with him. I wish I would have had him to take to the dog show. Would that not be cute?

i am going to take aeveryone's advice and stay away from the dating sites. Even if I met someone nice I would not be ready for a relationship. It sure is weird that there are so many really nice people on a chatline for people with damaged emotions. Good luck to everyone as we try to make sense of our lives. I have a counsellor I will talk to tomorrow. Maybe she will ahve room for an appointment this week. Take care, everyone

August 2, 2005
12:02 am
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theseboots
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I don't know how to find you on a thread lost and found or mamacinnamon. Thank you so much for everything and I hope I run accross you again. Not everyone is at home on Monday night.

August 2, 2005
11:02 am
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Hi!

I ahve a thread in libs under my name if you want to find me there. Or post here. I try to keep a list of the threads I have spoken on so I can check back.

Sorry was not on last night. Hubby wanted family time. I go into the hospital tomorrow for surgery and will be in for a week. Then down for 6-8 weeks, but am definitely gonna be checking in as soon as I can get home.

I think you are off to a great start. Lean on the folks here. Much support for the asking.
If you get down, you make that list of what you will do tomorrow.

Remember, there will be down times and don't kick yourself when you have them. Try to stay focused on the positives and leave the negatives in the dirt where they belong.

You will do just fine. I can see a strength in you that will get you thru. Perseverence; always persevere.

August 2, 2005
11:35 am
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theseboots
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Thank you mamacinnamon:
I am up early as the people from the dog show called to make sure I was coming. The woman asked me to stay after the show and take the mom and puppies around and show them to patients that were not able to go to the dog show. I said I would so now I am committed to that. I need to find things to do besides work. I don't work out as I have a hard time to walk and if I walk to much my chronic pain flares up.

I don't know what kind of surgury you are having but good luck with that. Over the years I have had many surgury's and they just keep getting better at it.
Once you are home will you be able to come on the chatline or will you be confined to bed or something.
If you can look me up. I am so grateful for you and lost and found and how you stuck with me the other night with advice that got me back on an even keel. Make sure you at least let us know how you are when you get home. I am not sure what a lib is so I will read some and see if I get it. Take care!!

August 2, 2005
11:56 am
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HI

I am having a hysterectomy, but have many health problems so they are not gonna let me go home soon. I'll be fine and thanks for thinkin of me.

IF possible I'll have my sis wheel me to the library at the hosptial and see if I can beg my way to come on. Gotta check on a few and will add you to the list. IF they let me. Once home I will be on. If confined to the bed then I'll use hubby's laptop.

a lib is: at the top of the screen when you have the listings of the threads it says : Go To: Support Thread/Liberation Brew Thread. Just click on liberation brew thread. There is a whole new world up there. Not really. Same good folks. Upstairs we talk about controversial things not talked about down here like religion and such.

I am happy you are going to the dog show and also showing the pups around after. Maybe a nice volunteer type ministry for you to do on a regular basis. Just a thought. I am glad you are keeping your mind occupied on other things. It's ok to remember, but distraction is also a very good thing.

August 2, 2005
12:17 pm
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Ok, speaking of Shitzu's I have a question. I have a neice who got one from someone else for free. He is 1 1/2 years old and she is having a major problem with him always humping her four year old son and can't understand why.

The kid can't go anywhere in the house without the dog following him around sniffing with his face all in him and as soon as the kid falls on the ground he jumps on top of him and starts humping on him. If the kid leaves the room and he is tied up he will bark non stop till he comes back in the room.

Why would he be doing this? Also, the other day I was over there witnessing all this and she tied him outside and gave him a bowl of food. The dog pushed dirt in the food with his face till it was covered.

Is he a psycho dog or is this normal?

August 2, 2005
6:41 pm
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shyshy:

Not sure as to why he's doing this, but when he does to discipline him grab the dog by the back of the next and shake him and growl or in a deep voice tell it NO. If that doesn't help go a step further and flip him on his back and grab him, the dog, by the neck and squeeze and shake and growl and in a deep voice say NO.
This discipline usually works but is more agressive. Some folks frown on it, but it is how the mom dog disciplines her own pups.

August 2, 2005
7:20 pm
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Dear Theseboots,
Hi! I responded on your other thread along with many others. You should go back and read the comments. I just happened to come upon this site and was surprised to see it was you. I was a bit concerned about some of your comments. On the other thread, you seemed more determined to close the door on this relationship. Now you say you want to save the marriage. I suppose you are in a lot of pain. In terms of your question whether or not to send the e-mail regarding the drugs - my opinion is that you should definitely NOT send it. What purpose would it serve? It would only give him more amunition - something to use against you. Please go back and read some of the other comments - maybe something will click. It sounds as if you need professional help regarding your addiction to prescription drugs. That is something we cannot help you with. I do hope that find the strength to stand on your own. Come to this site when you are feeling low. There are so many insightful individuals here. You will be amazed. You will be in my thoughts. Yankee Fan

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