Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
I am desperate
March 17, 2010
11:56 am
Avatar
gettnthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
March 17, 2010
12:18 pm
Avatar
gettnthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Can't sleep at the right time-am agitated cranky and useless

March 17, 2010
12:30 pm
Avatar
saddoxie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi gettnthere,
I have been there and it can be really frustrating. Cna you go to the doctor for anti-depressants or a sleep aid to help you through this tough time?

What is goign on that has you deistraught?

March 17, 2010
12:51 pm
Avatar
gettnthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for getting back so quickly-I am on anti depressants and have some anti anxiety pills-might need to take one. But have a small child to care for... They wipe me out. I have had to write down some facts and dates for a lawyer to help my mother. My stepfather was abusive and things are happening slowly. But it's just sometimes too much. My mother is very absorbed in what is happening for her right now; divorce that is and is saying a lot of I told you so's. She didn't want to confront him about his abuse to him because she didn't want to deal with divorce complications. Once again everything is my fault. It seems she holds me accountable for a hell of a lot. He always blamed me for why he was cruel to me. She accepted it. I keep turning all of it over in my head. I don't know what I have done that was so awful to have been so abused by him. I don't think I am a bad person. My mother is always telling my husband that he is a saint for putting up with me. Anything that is good in my life is from luck, not hard work or deserved. I just feel like shit. Not a good person at all. My mother was a single parent after she divorced my father and I have no siblings. She has always made it clear how hard her life was because she was a solo mother. And it seems that in almost every way I have ruined her life. She tells me how she did not enjoy being a mother. She wanted to but didn't. She remembers the past by saying how disgusting my behavior was at each interval. Under a microscope. I was apparently disgusting or revolting. I guess bottom line is I just feel like the most unlovable creature on earth at the moment. And not to be so self pitying; it's just a real feeling. Just over a year ago she sent me an abusive letter telling me how disgusting I am. She says now she can't remember it and that if she did send the letter, it mustve been because of something I did to her. What I did was wind up with a serious health complaint that the specialist could not attribute to anything but stress. I actually nearly died. Then two weeks later got that letter saying how disgusting I was. I sometimes just don't know how to get over it....sorry to rave on but thank you so much for askingxxx

March 17, 2010
1:13 pm
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

you need to run from your mom, she is poison to you...that is sick what i just read here, she is sick too.

March 17, 2010
3:05 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Gettnthere)))

It is horrible to experience such loathing from your own mother. I share this experience and truely understand the pain and confusion it causes. Distance yourself from her. It was the only way I could begin to heal from the damage done by her inability to really love.

It is not your fault you were born, it is hers. She is just unable to be an adult in this situation and unfortunately you now bear the scars of her ineptness at parenting.

You can recover from this, I am on that road now. In the back of my mind I still hear her calling me horrible things, but her voice is weak and fading and my voice is gaining strength and power the more I work to find self worth and meaning. But it is work and at times it hurts so much I almost can't breathe I am so angry and hurt and disguisted at her. But I am now an adult and I now have control over my life. I am grateful to be born, even if she isn't able to see or appreciate the gift of life that was a babe in her arms and is now a grown woman who is going to learn to live life a lot better than she is able to.

Glad to see you on this path too. You can heal from this.

March 17, 2010
3:44 pm
Avatar
MsGuided
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

gettnthere.

I'm sorry your going through this.

Your first priority is YOU and your child.Protect this priority.

Your Mom is a very sick abusive individual and continues to be. It isn't YOU it's her! Why even help her if you aren't strong enough, AND she is in deep denial about herself and her STBXH.

You don't have to accept her abuse anymore.

Remind yourself what a normal parent does. What is their duty and obligation to their children. Love, protection, food and shelter, teaching them how to become healthy functioning adults, Loving support and guidance when a child behaves well or not.

Please disengage from her. Let her handle her own mess. She doesn't deserve your help now, and YOU don't deserve the effects of putting up with her assaults.

Effects= depression, self loathing and feeling unable to care for yourself or your child.

It will get worse if you stay involved. Let her lawyer handle her.How can you help her if she won't help herself?

((gettnthere))

March 17, 2010
5:17 pm
Avatar
gettnthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you very much everyone for the support and advice-I am seriously considering each word. Thank you.
I am going to try and distance myself. I can see that I need to but it's almost like I am waiting to feel or see some justice. It ain't gonna happen the way I would like I don't think. I think this is the thing that has kept me going the way that I have been; that at some point something would go right. I can totally see though and the truth of the matter is, I have a beautiful little girl to be completely devoted to. I know this but still I feel guilty because I am distracted. I know what I should do but the reality of what I actually do is sometimes very different. I am scared my husband will get tired of it and show me the door.

March 17, 2010
10:57 pm
Avatar
curious64
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 408
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I do understand how you are feeling . My parents were both very cold and verbally abusive as I was gorwing up and I really felt like I must be a bad seed that ruined everything I touched.

Now that I am in the recovery process I understand that there was no flaw in my, I was a child. The flaws were in my parents and because of there own pain and dysfunction they focussed all the negative energy on me. They made me the focus of their problems rather than deal with the issues at hand.

Luckily for me they have mellowed with age and I can be around them for short periods of time. Not lengthy visits because they sometimes still slip into that old pattern of focusing on my problems and issues, but now I recognize it for what it is.

You are not to blame here. You have a toxic mother and I believe they are right when they say you need to distance yourself from her. If you were sitting in a room with toxic waste and knew it was making you ill you would leave that place wouldn't you? I know it is harder to leave a person behind especially a family member, but she is toxic and making you ill so do what it takes to get healthy. (((hugs)))

March 17, 2010
11:48 pm
Avatar
gettnthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks curious. That's exactly how I feel...(((to all)))

March 18, 2010
9:45 am
Avatar
dudeguy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

what everyone has said is true. You shouldn't have to take the slack for your mom's evil behavior.

Children been what they are you have like most of us, but thank GOD the story does not end there.

You can write a new chapter in your life, beating away all these lies.

(((gettnthere)))

March 18, 2010
1:00 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((gettnthere)))))

Sending you massive bear hugs right now because you need them.

You wrote: "What I did was wind up with a serious health complaint that the specialist could not attribute to anything but stress. I actually nearly died."

Consider that a real wake-up call, sweetie.

You absolutely CAN'T be near her in any way, shape or form.

Your life literally depends on it.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!! We're here to help, listen, support and are 110% straight away in your corner []

tBt

March 19, 2010
7:59 am
Avatar
gettnthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Big hugs right back at you...

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
38
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information