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I am ANGRY!!!!!!!!! Normal?!?!?
November 15, 2006
3:46 pm
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Jimcy
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After 3 weeks of trying not to talk to my b/f - I am hoping this will make him realize that he needs help - he continued calling me and making me feel like 'poop'. He called me and told me that I wasn't serious about it all, and that I should change my number. Instead of changing it completly, I suspended my account and am using my mothers cell phone for the time being. However, I have SOOO MUCH ANGER inside of me... Its scaring me! I am taking my anger out on other people that don't deserve it and feel bad about it. I dont know what to do. Is it normal to feel this much anger? At first I was hurt - but now I am at a stage when I say "F- the world" and am just angry. I don't know if thats healthy. I don't want to tell anyone else because I am afraid they'll think I am psycho.

November 15, 2006
3:48 pm
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StronginHim77
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No. You are NOT "psycho." Anger is one of the normal stages of grieving any loss. You are grieving and right now, feeling the anger caused by that grief. It's ok. Let the anger strengthen you in your resolve to sever all contact with this toxic man.

- Ma Strong

November 15, 2006
4:34 pm
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Jimcy
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Any suggestions what I can do to control my anger? I have never felt this way- this angry. Usually I blamed myself for everything that went wrong...but now I CLEARLY see that its NOT my fault and its his fault that I am in this mess in the first place, and I AM ANGRY!!!!!!

How do I stop being this angry? How long will this last? what should I do to relax and focus?

November 15, 2006
5:45 pm
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lovetocrochet
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I think first realizing and acknowledging that it is okay to be angry will help a lot.

From there... many things can help. Venting about what's really bothering you on the phone, writing it out, screaming into a pillow, hitting a couch cushion with a baseball bat, jumping up and down - there's lots of things you can try. Sometimes a brisk walk will help by just releasing adrenaline and burning off the pent up energy that builds from the emotional charge.

Sometimes even just saying "I am ANGRY" can help, because it allows you to say it out loud and validate yourself. One time I felt better simply writing "angry" when we passed around our care list in a 12-step meeting where we could write down how we were doing. It was like I was able to say yep, I'm angry, and you guys can think what you want but here I am. I was amazed at how powerful something so simple could be.

Don't give yourself a timeline. Nobody can tell you how long this will take. Don't let others make you feel guilty or ashamed for where you are either - you're exactly where you should be.

Finally don't EVER stuff it. My MIL does this about her father, who's been dead for many years. He was an alcoholic and a raging a$$hole, abused her and her sister for years. She feels like because she's "healed" by God by now that she's not allowed to feel angry at him when she talks about how he abused her, so she stops talking about it.

But it comes out in other ways - she gets really dark and moody sometimes, she'll act out stuff and get nutty at family gatherings, she tries to control everyone else. I SO totally feel for her because I know the pain she's dealing with, I grew up in an alcoholic family too.

At the same time I wish I could just go up to her and say would you get it out of your system and scream your head off already?! It's okay to be angry at the man! Forgiveness doesn't shut that off, healing doesn't either - if someone wronged you and you get upset remembering it, that's righteous anger! But I know that would be as suitable as talking to a brick wall 🙁

So those are just my thoughts, take 'em or leave 'em 🙂

November 15, 2006
5:57 pm
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thedogsmom
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uh-oh jimcy,
I just re-read one of my responses to you when you were feeling more sad and guilty.. and I had told you to focus not on the good times with him..but now to focus on the reasons that you have terminated the relationship. and I'm thinking that that is also helping to fuel your anger. Anger can be a dangerous and unhealthy emotion...IF you let it.. It is certainly a NORMAL emotion for you to feel angry.. You have been used and lied to and therefore betrayed by this man you spilled out your feelings and love for. He did not recipricate your love and for that you have the right to be angry. Use this anger to help you to remind yourself WHY you are going through this pain now.. Use the anger to help you rid yourself of the guilt and responsibility you still allow yourself to feel for his well-being..
Its okay to be angry sometimes.. just don't stay angry forevever...and try to channel it in the right direction.. use it to help you clean house..or take a walk or jog on the treadmill...use it to avoid his phone calls. to help you know you are doing the right thing..hard as this might be..
TDM

November 15, 2006
10:30 pm
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lolli
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anger in itself is healthy. it is in HOW you choose to act on it that can be healthy or unhealthy.

you are entitled to your anger. go right ahead and feel it. lovetocrochet had lots of good suggestions. i have beat pillows while picturing my abuser, as well as writing angry, beligerent letters that i post in my scrapbook as "proof" of my anger. both those things helped me a lot. once i created an "anger" post here where i told everyone on this site how i was angry, why, and at whom. this helped too (although i had to post several times to get it all out).

we were never really allowed to feel/exhibit anger in my family of origin. so when i started feeling my anger recently, it felt so strange. i learned that for some reason, anger and humor are closely tied up for me (is that true for others, i don't know?). so i told lots of cynical jokes and stuff when i was angry too. that seemed to help me vent in a way that garnered more support from others (that is not to say you should censor your anger for fear of offending others!).

where i live there are anger release workshops. i think they beat pillows with baseball bats.

as long as you are allowing yourself to feel angry (when properly directed) you will have fewer and fewer "spill over" problems. it is when you are still not acknowledging the source and scope of your anger that it spills over onto others.

hang in there... anger is an empowering emotion. it's purpose is to protect us. it's a good thing that you are feeling it.

you did the right thing by posting it here. there are lots of people here who are comfortable with their own (and others') healthy properly-directed anger. and we acknowledge and support you!

big hugs and a healthy grrrrr....

(((jimcy)))

November 16, 2006
11:17 am
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Jimcy
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Thanks everyone for making me feel normal. I have always been a 'calm and collected' person. I don't show much emotion at all - never told anyone I love them until recently. (my abuser was the 1st person I told I loved. I had to practice saying I love you's for a LONG time for me to feel like it was ok to say. To this day - I hold in the hurt and the pain because I don't want to disaapoint others. But right now I am hurt and I am angry. VERY angry! I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I am a good person. It may be hard for some to believe that I am a good person but I am. I do alot for everyone...I really do. I have a family that I support and never complain. I work hard at everything, and I have NEVER hurt anyone intentionally.

I AM VERY ANGRY - I don't want to blame anyone but I feel that if he hadn't done some of the things I would be ok. I would be self. He took all that away from me and it hurts like hell. I don't know whether to cry because it hurts or scream because I am angry.

November 17, 2006
4:06 am
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thedogsmom
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you should be angry. you have a right too! You were good to him and gave him your love and he betrayed you and let you down and didn't give back. You have a right to be sad..you lost your dream of happiness with him and now two years later have to start over. But..you take with you a smarter and wiser version of you. This time you will make smarter choices.
BUt cry for now and be angry. Listen to good and sad or angry breakup music. Kelly Clarksons- breakaway is a good one. she is definetely a co-dependent no doubt most likely due to her mother being over-attentive is my guess.... too add some-holywood style glam to this site..smile
hang in there.. cry and be angry .it feels good.
TDM

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