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i am an unconcious abuser
June 6, 2010
10:04 am
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nemseet
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Well its obviously not under control but its getting better with each passing day. I have contacted a therapist but Im honestly having trouble with the payment arrangement. And to lillabit there's no need to apologize for anything. I understand ur anguish with me. I get it from my ex wife and family members also. I am grateful that u don't just beat me up like others tho. But once again, i understand their feelings. My daughter continues her sessions but i get little info about it. As long as she's getting the help she needs Im fine not knowing much. Maybe one day she'll share with me. I don't post much because i don't have a pc, and when i do post there's always someone saying Im faking or some other nonsense about me. I can't continue to try to convince anyone but my daughter, my family, and myself. Thanks anyway guys.

June 6, 2010
11:06 am
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_anonymous
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nemseet- If you performed lewd acts on your own child and got arrested for it or if it is a hoax then the situation is between you and law enforcement because both scenarios are illegal.

I am sorry but I do not think it is appropriate for a child molester to be making a permanent record of performing lewd acts on a child on the internet where the child might see it and be reminded of what happened to them.

If you are serious about getting help then call your probation or parole officer about getting into a drug rehab. and a sex offender program.

Many people are appalled by this. My priority is to comfort them and make sure that this victim you are referring to is safe.

June 7, 2010
7:25 pm
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queenofmean
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One of the 'effects' of codependence is putting others down to make ourselves feel better. What does it matter if he's lying? Why does it personally affect so many people to spend so much time responding and pointing the finger.

And we wonder why we can't get away from the drama. I'm trying to get over it so I don't judge others to make myself feel better. If he wastes his time playing people, that has nothing to do with OUR reasons for being here. I'm here to get better and learn how to live a 'normal' life. Normal people ignore adults who are acting like children.

June 7, 2010
8:58 pm
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_anonymous
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Queenofmean- Your right. It is best if we ignore this thread and focus on our own recovery.

May 30, 2010
12:00 am
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bonni
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I
can't say anything that will make you feel better. I don't think I
have been the best parent I could have been. I have yelled at my
kids and said things to them that I deeply regret. I have also had
struggles with alcohol. Since I had children, I've only had one
period where I used alcohol and not around the kids. I saw the
direction I was heading and stopped before anyone even noticed.
And, I've been in and out of counseling most of my life. I am not
perfect and I am not about to cast a stone.

That being said,
there is alot of intense emotion about child abuse and child sexual
abuse here. You have openly admitted what you have done in an
environment where you are not going to receive any sympathy. There
are support groups for your issues. This support group is not
likely to offer you much support.

If you are trying
to get people to help you feel bad for what you did, you really
shouldn't need help with that. You know what you did was wrong. You
know what you need to do. Counseling, counseling and counseling.
And, when you get done with that, more counseling.

No one here is
going to tell me its ok to yell at my kids or lose my temper with
them or drink til I vomit. No one here is going to tell me its ok
to sit in the deep dark pit of depression and hope someone will
rescue me. No one is coming to the rescue. Only one person can make
the changes necessary to get through this, and that is oneself. You
have to choose every day to NOT drink, NOT be around kids, NOT do
drugs.

When I was in 3rd
grade, another 3rd grade boy rubbed himself against me in the
hallway. I didn't understand this behavior and I don't even
remember it happening, just them telling me about it. I doubt he
did either. I got called to the principal's office and was told not
to let him do it again. I don't know if he ever did anything like
that to anyone again. I didn't understand any of it until I was
about 30. I don't assume that he's still going around rubbing
himself against people. I mainly feel bad that he learned to do
this in his home and that I was so wrapped up in my own head that I
didn't know what was happening well enough to stop it before we
both had to get in trouble. They still paddle in the school I went
to. In my own head, I realize that the perverse pleasure that the
principal probably took in striking him was worse than what the boy
ever did to me. Frankly, I would never have known it happened if no
one had told me so I could carry the mantle of guilt the rest of my
life.

Bonni

May 30, 2010
12:00 am
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Lanigirl
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Well
said Bonnie.

May 30, 2010
12:00 am
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marypoppins
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Nemseet, Yours is a very sad story. Your daughter was ALREADY
in counseling for behavior problems, and you violated her?? I
commend her for telling her counselor and for her counselor turning
you in. I hope that her mother is also in counseling. She needs it.
She's not healthy either.

You are a grown
man, Nemseet. I suspect this is not the first time that counseling
has been suggested to you. I could be wrong, but I guess you've
made a lot of excuses for your drinking and drug use and other
behavior. Now that you've been arrested, you're paying
attention.

Good luck to
you.

Mary

May 30, 2010
12:00 am
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marypoppins
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Nemseet, If you're still reading, I wanted to say that I really
do hope you get the help you need. Anyone using drugs and alcohol
probably doesn't like themselves much at all, and I know that you
mentioned feeling suicidal carrying the shame you have over what
you did to your daughter.

In therapy, you
will examine your upbringing, which was likely not very healthy. I
know that it feels awful to be so ashamed that you want to die. My
dad routinely beat the crap out of me, but I still wanted his love
and acceptance.

If you can heal
the relationship with your daughter, it will be good for both of
you. But you first have to heal the relationship you have with
yourself. The best thing you can do for your daughter right now is
take care of yourself. AA and NA have meetings day and night. And
there are plenty of good therapists out there. Remember that a
therapist is on your side. He/She won't be telling you that what
you did was okay, but he/she will not keep beating you up for
it.

If you are honest
and truly want to change, a therapist will help you to do so. I'm
sure that you would like to be a part of your daughter's life again
one day. Soon she'll be learning to drive, graduating high school,
going off to college. You have no doubt imagined giving her away at
her wedding and being a grandpa.

Look at the sexual
abuse, the drinking, the drugs as all signs of deeper issues that
have obviously negatively impacted others. Lip service won't be
enough. Dead honesty is required. I don't know, you may go to jail.
You broke a law. There is no defense against it. Face it. Face
yourself. All the best.

Mary

May 31, 2010
12:00 am
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Double Trouble
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Nemseet, What kind of mother would keep a father like you in
the household after you touched your 14 year old daughter , right
now drug and alchol is the excuse . What will be the excuse next
time ? You should have been reported to the police . Coming on this
website tryin to clear your guilt isn't the right way ! The right
way is turning yourself in for what you did ,because it was wrong ,
it was digusted , how can you look at your daughter knowing what
you did . PARENTS are suppose to love , and PROCTECT their children
, not TOUCH them in BAD WAYS . The mom is just as guilty as you ,
maybe you should watch that movie PRECIOUS , then think about what
you did . I say Turn YOURSELF IN , then get the help you deserve
behind bars , because right now your daughter might think it's ok
but deep down she is proably hurt and crushed , is that what you
want for her . Do the RIGHT THING for her . YOU OWE FOR YOUR
DAUGHTER >

May 31, 2010
12:00 am
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nemseet
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Double trouble u obviously have not read ANY of the post ahead
of your own.

May 31, 2010
12:00 am
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Lillabit
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5/26
"her mom wants me to get help so i'm trying. " Did her mom get the
restraining order. or did the court get it on behalf of the minor?
5/29 " I don't blame alcohol or drugs 4 my behavior and I take full
responsibility 4 wut happened.. I also know in my heart that if i
wasn't "effected" then this situation would never have happened in
the first place." so you arent blaming substances, but say it's
because you were effected by them that it happened? you say your
drinking is not a problem. but you say you need aa or na? 5/29 "Im
just really working on gaining her trust back rite now. And i know
that her forgiveness doesn't make this ok, trust me. That is why Im
on here corresponding with u all and am trying 2 get counseling."
"My daughter is going to counseling already. And now its my turn. I
wish someone would help me find a good one." i'm surprised the
court didnt order that for you. "I want help yall. Please help me.
That's why i came here." There is no counseling website that counts
as counseling. there are no counselors. or licensed therapists. not
at this site. if you tried to say that you got counseling at all
about counseling. in court that is. you would be wrong. theirs no
counselors here postimg to you. if you start with aa... they may be
able to refer you to other private or community
resources.

May 31, 2010
12:00 am
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bonni
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Nemseet, You are not going to get the support you want here.
DoubleTrouble's job is not to read your posts or to react to what
you did in the way that you want her to. Her job is to work through
her emotions about what she read in order to further her growth.
Your job is to work through how you feel about her response and
gain insight into yourself.

My job is to
figure out why its so important to me to help DoubleTrouble
understand that her anger toward you is about something else and
move toward the anger she is about ready to have directed toward
those who abused her. Because I need to focus my own anger where it
belongs, let it go, and create space for my own healing. without
any care or concern for what you or anyone else thinks.

bonni

June 2, 2010
12:00 am
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Lillabit
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im
just goimg to talk about the way nemseets thread made me feel.
first... confused cause his story unfolded oddly in bits n pieces n
i sort of thought he was ad libbing as he went along. so i felt
like he was playing us. but i know too thats what alcoholics do
when they are confronted with themselves. they change it up. or
they dont tell all n it sounds like they are beimg untruthful. i
feel like he is trying to get someone to tell him eveythimg will be
ok, that what he did when he was fucked up doesn't define him.
she'll get over it. that part made me angry because.. that poor
little girl. nothing about her. he just doesn't want the world to
see him... as a child abuser pedophile. she'll struggle with her
definition all her life. then he doesnt post regular... so i think
that maybe he is only trying to get a reaction withthis thread.
then he bumps the thread up with an empty post n that made me
wonder too. maybe he bumped it up for attention to stir it up
again. then a one liner to Double Trouble. or maybe he thinks what
he is doing here will count for counseling. if he has to go to
court. he could say he got counseling at allaboutcounselimg.com.
maybe he gave up cos no one will cut him any slack. i ddont know
why this thread made me so sucpicious. i'm not usually like that.
what do you guys think? how did this thread make you
feel?

June 2, 2010
12:00 am
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robbie2007
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lillabit .....i felt very much like you.

i will add that i
even spelled the nickname backwards - teesmen - as in tease me n,
or tease men....

as if the poster
could be teasing...

but thats just me,
i get paranoid from all sorts of things.

June 2, 2010
12:00 am
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Lillabit
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omg i
spelled the name backward too!!!

June 2, 2010
12:00 am
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bel
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I
think when we have been here and have posted we become familer with
the true posting and the ones that are here just to stir things up.
I can usually tell if they are serious or not but I usually just
ignore them and they eventually stop posting or move on to another
site.

This poster to me
seems that he might be playing with this site but not to sure. I
will not question it because we really dont know but if they are
faking problems they will move on when they are questioned by
others.

June 4, 2010
12:00 am
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nemseet
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well
for the record nemseet is teesmen spelled backwards obviously. It's
a nickname that childhood friends gave me. And i would never play
on this or any site. The empty post was an accident. But lilabit i
must admit that ur almost right about ur analogy. I am so ashamed
at myself that its hard to be completely honest with y'all knowing
what reaction I'll receive. Sometimes i contradict myself. Im aware
of that also, but I've never lied about anything. I'll get help for
sure because its never to late for me to be the person i couldve
been. Although Im aware that this site in no way constitutes
counseling. I also realize as bonni stated that Im not going to get
any support here either. I understand that because most (if not
all) of you were abused also. But once again i DO appreciate and
consider all comments left for me. And for the record, my daughter
and i are still speaking. She calls me from time to time, which
leads me to believe that there's hope for us. I thank god for that.
If no one else does, he knows what's in my heart.

June 4, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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I
have purposely stayed off this thread. I have nothing good to add.
I cannot imagine not being able to trust my father or either of my
grandfathers even though another family member did try to molest me
as a child.

That being said, I
would caution anyone about questioning whether or not this mans
story is true. Yes, he has contradicted himself and yes his story
sickens most all of us. I once questioned someone elses story here
and later regretted it. Whether or not he is telling the truth is
his business. If he is here to stir up trouble he will eventually
leave, until then we only have the option of accepting him a face
value.

Nemseet, obviously
you know the contempt most of us feel for you. Man up and face the
consequences.

Bitsy

June 4, 2010
12:00 am
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marypoppins
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Nemseet,

Your first post
was May 26th. It has been 10 days. Why are you still only "talking"
about getting help?

As I've said
before, it seems you're looking to your daughter to assure you that
things are okay. She is a child!

You have not
answered many of the questions you've been asked here. Shame is
real, but shame can be an excuse. Maybe you won't be honest here,
but nothing is stopping you from getting help TODAY.

If you really love
your daughter and want what is best for her, why would you not
"face your demons" immediately in counseling? Continuing to talk to
her, without having worked on your issues, is giving her the same
unwell father she's had in the past.

ANYONE, whether
he/she has been sexually abused or not, would be angered by a
parent mistreating a child.

Your actions show
that you are not accepting responsibility for yourself.

Mary

June 4, 2010
12:00 am
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marypoppins
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Nemseet,

I really, really
hope that you get that you do not have appropriate or healthy
boundaries with your daughter. The fact that she is having behavior
problems is an indication of problems in her home life. Both you
and your (ex)wife should already be in counseling. I think you
mentioned that you are living with another woman.

You may think you
have a good relationship with your daughter, but the impulse to
sexually violate her came from YOUR mind. You aren't healthy. This
incident alone is enough to indicate that you're not healthy, but
you also have drug and alcohol problems. You've been arrested and
there is a restraining order against you! How bad does it need to
get, Nemseet, for you to get help???

I have had drug
and alcohol problems myself. Not as a mother, but when I was
growing up and into my mid- twenties. My father was physically
abusive, and my mother was emotionally abusive. My parents did not
acknowledge their roles until I was in the hospital, nearly
suicidal, and being treated for various addictions.

I have NEVER been
able to completely trust either of my parents, but I still wish for
a healthy bond with them. I will NEVER have it. They are not
capable. They have helped me in many ways financially, but they
have enabled one another throughout their lives to continue in
their dysfunction. They are so deep into it, they know of no other
way.

I have had many
years of counseling, and I still fight to be healthy. I am grateful
for my daughter, and I do my best to keep her safe and cherish her.
She is a precious gift and watching her thrive has healed some of
my childhood wounds.

I don't know what
you're carrying from your childhood, Nemseet, but I'm pretty sure
there's something. Hating yourself will get you nowhere, and
already, it seems, it has caused you to hurt others.

Mary

June 5, 2010
12:00 am
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_anonymous
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(((robbie2007))), (((bel))) I feel the same way you two do.
Other than validating your feelings, I am going to ignore this
thread :}

June 5, 2010
12:00 am
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Lillabit
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nemseet i'm very sorry if i hurt your feelings or anything. i
just couldnt make sense of your story. i know its hard to tell it
all. sometimes. what i said was nothing against you. just what you
said n how it makes me feel. you have as much right to say what you
want here as any of us do. i hope you get help and wish you all the
best in your healing.

June 5, 2010
12:00 am
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_anonymous
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I am
sure that the person who created this thread is sincere and wants
to get help.

I hope no one
would ever think that someone would make up a story about
committing a crime against a child. Because if they did they could
be charged with a felony if someone called the police thinking a
child was in danger and it turned out to be a hoax.

June 5, 2010
12:00 am
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Lillabit
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destinystar i dont think anyone is in danger now. nemseet said
that theirs a restraining order. he says he n his daughter talk on
the phone too. so she must not be too afraid. or in
danger.

June 6, 2010
12:00 am
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_anonymous
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I
know for a fact that the person who started this thread stated that
they "admit that I have touch my own child while sleeping with
her", "put my hands down her pants", and "she said that i fondled
her".

I have no idea
about who or where or what kind of situation the person is in that
he is referring to in his statement.

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