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I am about to cry - again.
July 19, 2005
10:54 am
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HopefulVal
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We split up – at my suggestion. I went on and on about why this isn’t working, he is just emotionally unavailable.
He only wishes to see me smile and be happy – although sometimes I feel sad.
He hurt me, he made another unforgivable mistake. I am so drained – but also lost.
I have no one really. He has been my friend and partner for 8 years.

I don’t think I can ever go thru this again. I don’t want to reach out to him, but I am afraid I am going to loose him.

I am in therapy – I am trying to find happiness within. I am trying to find self worth and face my fear of being alone.
It’s killing me.

July 19, 2005
11:48 am
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revelation
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Hi there, please don't cry. I know how you are feeling sweetie, I know how it hurts. Its a great step that you are in therapy...what I'd like to know is....what are you hopeful for Val? What are your hopes and dreams for the future?

July 19, 2005
12:59 pm
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HopefulVal
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I am hopeful to be happy. I am hopeful I wont always be afraid.
I had a very rough childhood, and I do think the past has affected me and my behavior. I am a single mom, 31 years old. I have no friends. He was my friend (I guess) but we split up this past Friday, for the 10th time in 8 years..
I am hopeful that I wont always hurt.
I am hopeful that I will find some inner peace and perhaps even some new friends.

July 19, 2005
2:22 pm
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Randomwomen2
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keep that hope hunny dont ever let it fade. sometimes hope in are darkest times is all we have to hang on to. I also had a very very rough childhood and i know how that can cause isuues when your older some major issues. And you just made a lot of new friens here there is usualy always some one here. So please keep righting to us we care
Love
Julie

July 19, 2005
2:28 pm
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kathygy
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Cry as much as you want and need. Its good to get your feelings out. You will survive. Now is a good time to start building a loving relationship with yourself and your wounded inner child. If you do this you will not feel alone or lonely. Give yourself lots of loving attention. You can look in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself, you can say nurturing things to yourself or you could write a letter to your inner child and let her know how much you love her and will never leave her. You can heal. The choice is yours.

love,
kathy

July 19, 2005
3:13 pm
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HopefulVal
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Thank you all for your support.
I am crying reading your responses and enouraging words. I am so sad and so alone, so tired and depressed.

I want to curl up in my bed and stay there. I am fighing back my tears while I sit here at work.

My head is all screwed up, my eyes are sad. I feel the darkness over me.

July 19, 2005
4:14 pm
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upsidedown
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Cry....Get it out. I am crying with you. Dumped after 24 years, she falls in love with another man. It has been
3 weeks, I can't think of anything else. I have to admit that as the days go by, i am crying less times per day. We are both heart-broken.

July 19, 2005
4:27 pm
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HopefulVal
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I pray for strength. I dont want to hurt myself, but I often think about it. I have tried in the past - and sometimes it just seems like the only way out. I hurt all the time.
I want to be better.

July 19, 2005
6:32 pm
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SexySadie
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Sweetheart, big hugs to you...as you can see from everyone here, we all care about you. We're here for you...just vent and express your thoughts to us all. If you do have any thoughts about hurting yourself, call your Therapist please immediately. That's what they are there for.

Many of us are going through the same pain as you honey. I've been with BF 5 yrs. He is my life, my love and my friend. Two days after I asked him to leave because of his drinking, he ended up with a complete stranger. It's been the most heartwrenching experience I have ever had. I feel betrayed and hurt because this is not his nature. I've been going to Therapy and is has helped ease SOME of the pain.

Baby steps, honey..baby steps...but we are here for you!!

July 19, 2005
6:45 pm
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Just Lost
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September 24, 2010
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hold on Val. hold on with everything you have. Just like me, it will take a while to realize he is just one person. I was with my stbx for 12 years and now she is gone. With someone else also. It will take time and it will hurt. Cry often. It does help. And come back here....a lot. There is no other place I know of where you can find this much support.

July 19, 2005
9:17 pm
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22haha
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val, you do have friends. Everyone here is your friend. Hang in there. Please don't hurt yourself. Try to be strong. You are not alone here. Many of us are in the exact same situation. Gone after 6 years and I miss him - but I have to have strength and realize that I am important too. You are important and you can do this. keep reminding yourself of that all day long, every day.

July 20, 2005
9:16 am
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HopefulVal
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Today - I feel better. At least I am trying to. I woke up at 5:50AM, did some yoga, took a shower and kind of set the stage to have a nice day.
Today. 🙂

Thank you for being so supportive, thank you for sharing your thoughts and advice. Thank you for understanding and accepting.

I wish everyone a wonderful day today.

July 20, 2005
9:36 am
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peoplepleaser
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You sound like you are o the right path.
I too have been exactly where you are , a painful childhood and desparately not wanting to be alone. now when I experience this pain I just cry and feel it and try to be ok with with my aloneness.
I have stayed with guys who did not cultivate my growth but they filled a void. I now realize I want more than that. I try to remind myself daily that I am special and deserve to be valued as such. I like what kathygy said about caring for the inner child,. and focusing on caring for yourself the way we would want another to do, remember people out here really care for your well being,
hugs, pp

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