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I almost died because of a relationship breakup
December 2, 1999
1:07 am
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cerry
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September 24, 2010
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I did it and I still am here. I don't know how but thank God I'm still here. I am not over it completely but everyday is a struggle and I still am afraid.
If anyone remembers, I was the individual that had a bf who I thought was cheating on me. Well he wasn't but because of his words that something died inside of him and that he could not trust me with his emotions made me very afraid, insecure, depressed and wanting to die. I even took a bottle of nytquil (500cc) on one occasion and 12 tylenol #3's but still lived to tell you about it. I did not want to die but did not want to feel the emotional pain of a relationship that died. The bf broke off with me and left me devasted , yet still we and a good friend stilled lived in the house because of financial problems. Well, I thought he loved me until he came in my room one night and said, "I don't love you". That is the night I wanted to die but was scared to death. I called for him because I thought I was dying with all the drugs in me. The boarder who is also male and friends to both of us came to my room and comforted me. Funny, I didn't die, nor did I go to the hospital. The next day I awoke and confronted my bf and told him he wasn't worth it. Life is too short and you only have one chance at it.
He finally did leave the house to live with my best friend. Recently the boarder went to live with both of them. I the one who lost her job, 70 pounds, (yet still I look good), lost 5 friends in the last year due to deaths, family illnesses, car accident, managed with help from one of you 4 months ago to get on with my life. I could not do it to myself nor to my family.
I managed to get a long term temp position at an agency inwhich I am still working for, still going through counselling, physio, and physical and mental pain. I have managed to get a place of my own and make it my home. I have worked very hard decorating and am determined to get a permanent job. I live on hardly enough money to pay the bills. The bf has bad mouthed me in public, stole from me and destroyed many of my possessions. I still believe it or not love him. I have forgiven him as I feel he does have problems. I will always love him as he will always be in my heart. I have not contacted nor have I talked about him to anyone that we had mutual friends with. If ever, the comments where nice. I packed everything I could take and left. I have not spoken nor tried to contact him. He hasn't either. I hid from the public for 9 months. I am now going to go out and have some fun even if I am still sad about the breakup otherwise I will not live but just exist. This time of year is very hard for me as I will have noone at X-mas or New Years to spend with. I did not give up my music writing as I am going to have that CD released in March/2000. I do feel alone at times but I don't feel alone within myself. I like me and I am a good person. I gave too much but not enough for me. I am though a little nervous as I will be going to a Christmas party with others I know and my bf will be there. I am not sure how I will feel and am uncertain to as what to say if anyone starts to talk to me about him including him.
I don't want him to know I still hurt but want him including the rest to know I am on my own and doing well. I like my new place but at times feel sadness. I try very hard to keep myself occupied. This New Years is going to be hard as I was looking to spend it with him. I guess not. Life does go on after lost love.
Believe in yourself and work hard.

December 2, 1999
10:28 am
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hsuzie
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i am new here, but it seems like you have the right ideas and have yourself on the track to healing.. best wishes to you.. and peace..

December 2, 1999
10:31 am
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J. C.
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hi Cerry. Yes, I do remember you. It sounds like you have taken a few steps into your new world...the beginning of your big changes. Changes in itself is hard to deal with and accept. It's scary, but it's also a bit exciting. At the party, if anyone asks, just tell them what you want to know..."I'm on my own now and I'm doing well." You don't owe anyone any explanations. Make it clear that you are moving on and I'm sure that will be respected.

God bless you...I'm glad to hear that you are still here and you are going to be fine.

~JC

December 2, 1999
1:05 pm
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bel
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September 29, 2010
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Cerry,

I remember you and I am very happy you are still here with us! It is hard I know and it will contiune to be hard but you sound determined to make it and that is good. You need to just take one day at a time and hope time moves a little faster so as not to feel the pain to much. I was wondering what had happend with you and if you were alright. You sound like a wonderful person and I hope we can hear your release soon....Welcome Back

Always
Bel

December 2, 1999
9:13 pm
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VRJ
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September 27, 2010
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Hi Cerry, you disappeared so suddenly. I was worried. I am happy to see that you didn't give up on your music. You will always have that to hold on to. My prayers have been with you.

December 4, 1999
11:31 am
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cerry
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September 24, 2010
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Hi everyone,

Thank you for your kind words of wisdom and I do appreciate all of it. Today I will be working on home projects. There is a Santa Claus parade inwhich I will not be attending because I have other things to do for ME. I really have a nice place. I have decorated my place that makes me feel proud of who I am.
I went to my publisher last week and he gave me a new song to learn. I really like it. The person who wrote the song is an artist and just released her first CD. I can't tell you who at this time who she is but she has a really nice voice. She just signed with RCA I believe. I am singing her song as I was told I have the voice and dynamics to do so.
Last night after coming home from work I eat and feel asleep. I woke up this morning. It is the first time in a long time that I slepted 14 hours.
Thanks again everyone. I am striving slowly to gain control over my life. When you think about it, it is a very hard and trying time especially this time of year. See ya

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