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Husbands depression about employment
September 2, 2000
7:43 pm
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Learner
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My husband is struggling to make the next promotion. He has not been successful for about two years now. He is bitter,negative, and withdrawm at home. Ideas??

September 4, 2000
1:00 pm
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Jaskid
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Learner,

I've said it before, when men have financial stress their minds can not handle it and they regress to their inner child...This is where we need to step in and reassure them that this life is not about being successful or about waiting for that big promotion...it's about loving what we got...our family, kids if we have them, but mainly the person that we are inside. In my opinion money is the root of all evil...I know we need money to live but when it starts taking over our lives it will destoy us. Did you ever hear the first will be last and the last will be first? I believe that. Values, love, relationships...these are what is important in this life. Everyone thinks that they are just going to keep going on like they are, forgetting the things that really matter, and they are going to have all the time in the world for these things later...Wrong! If he dies tomorrow...what is really going to matter...that promotion he did not get, or spending time with his family and enjoying the life that God has given him? Maybe I'm being harsh and I'm sorry but I think alot about all of the time my husband and I have wasted on financial worries rather than the precious things in this life.
Now if you husband is suffering from real depression, he is going to need some help. It will not go away! Maybe he can seek some counselling. I know that most men do not want to open up to anyone but depression is real and will only get worse without treatment.
You must be going through alot yourself. If your husband is stressed out I am sure it is affecting you. Please let us know how you are feeling.
🙂 Jaskid

September 5, 2000
1:31 pm
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Lerner;

I know how you feel. My husband has been trying to get his own business off the ground for almost a year now and it is just not happening. He realizes we can't afford to wait much longer for things to kick off and the thought of him working for someone else just makes him depressed. I try not to discourage him but yet the reality is that he needs to consider the fact that it may not be meant to be at this time. If your husband feels he is that deserving of a promotion and has waited it out for two years, perhaps he should consider shopping his talents around to other companies that would value him more. If he receives an offer from another company, maybe his current employer would be willing to match it. However, Jaskid is right, things like promotions, and prestige aren't what life is about. It is about being thankful for what God has given us and knowing that abundance does not mean having wealth in terms of money, it means having enough of what we need and knowing that what we have is enough.

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September 11, 2000
12:09 am
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Jaskid

Thanks for responding. I agree with your view that belief in self, love for family and I would add health are the most important things. However, I guess it may be a man verses women view delimina. He says to me but you wanted a family and you have it. You wanted to travel and have a house and you do. I wanted to make a million dollars and didn't. I try to be supportive, but it is hard. I feel that my needs are not ment and that he is missing out and sad, and I can't get him to wake up and see what he does has and is missing. I do not believe he is clinically depressed, but that he is not enjoying life. Each day only happens once and then it gone.
I'll look to see your response.
Learner

September 11, 2000
12:18 am
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So, how do I get the message to him that money is not what it is about. we are a very lucky and fortunate family I think. However, he did go through the professional lay off about four years ago. It was very difficult, depressing, and scary for him and us. We do have enought and I like for both of us to achieve, however, I do value him and our children more than money. I also like my work and believe that should be true, but I understand for many and especially men than is not very likely. It would appear your husdand feels poorly about working for an employer and I believe that that is understandable also. However, I also know that some money is necessary to survive and guess going back to work for another may have to happen.

September 13, 2000
12:26 pm
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Jaskid
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Learner,

You can not open his heart to anything, only God can. Right now know that your husband can not meet your needs because he is blinded by his own view of life. I am not saying that he may not want to make you happy, but he can't. It's sad, but most people like your husband have to be hit hard to wake them up to what is real...what matters in this life. Honey, the most important right now is You! You realize that each day only happens once and then it is gone. I have a feeling, if you continue to live like each day is your last, and find the joy in this life, your husband just might want what you have. A great witness is a silent witness. Try not to let his negativity bring you down. Encourage him when you can but mostly find stuff in your life that will encourage you. This life is what you make it. All of our times are not pleasant, happy times. Roses do have thorns and there is darkness before the dawn. At these times it is easy to let ourselves sink into doubt and despair, sometimes even wondering if God is there...but I asure you He is. It takes practice and discipline to develop a faith when things do not go our way. Learner, find that strength that I know you have in you, grab it, and use it to find inner peace. Take Care...and know that all of us our on the same struggle in this life..."To Get through It!"

🙂 Jaskid

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