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Husband/Daughter
March 7, 2005
10:51 am
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Hello Everyone - I am recently married - and have a question. My husband is 54 years old and never been married. I am 36 and this is my second marriage. I have a 17 year old daughter that is beautiful and I catch him looking at her from time to time... This does not bother me because she is so beautiful but last night she was trying on her prom dress for us and I noticed that she had some beads hanging off the back of her dress ( butt area ). I was looking closely at them and was trying to figure out what I should do about this when my husband reached up and touched one of the beads. I called him down and told him that he did not need to be touching my daughters butt. He quickly apologized and said he was only touching the bead. This concerns me some but I do not want to go over board with it nor do I want to ignore signs " if they are there ". Does anyone have any good advice how I should handle this... Thanks

March 7, 2005
11:09 am
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That would bother me. I don't care how beautiful your daughter is, he shouldn't be looking at her like that PERIOD! How long have you been married to this man? Has he done anything like this before? Is your daughter comfortable around him?

March 7, 2005
11:16 am
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jamaicanwife
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This would also make me very uncomfortable, and possibly angry. Does your daughter see him as a father figure?

This situation can go wrong in so many ways. You need to be honest with your husband, and try to subtly encourage your daughter to avoid being alone with him until you are sure in your own mind that she is safe with him.

March 7, 2005
11:39 am
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We have been together for over a year now but just got married on 02-11-2005. Yes my daughter does feel comfortable around him and no he has never done anything that I would call inappropriate. I am going to sit him down and tell him that this kind of behavior bothers me and that he needs to know that there are rules to what he can and can not say/do around my daughter. He is one of those guys that has a lot of book smarts but NO common sense.. Any suggestions on how I should approach this situtation with him so I can get a positive result and not anything negative.

March 7, 2005
12:14 pm
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Maybe just sit down with him and explain that there is a really thin line when it comes to an adult man and a sixteen year old girl. Especially when it's not his biological daughter. I would let him know that you don't think he would ever do anything to your daughter but some of his behavior is inappropriate. You just wanted to discuss it with him as he may be not be aware of the boundries. Good luck as I know this won't be an easy discussion.

March 7, 2005
12:27 pm
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jamaicanwife
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It won't be an easy conversation, no matter what you do. The fact is that she is not his daughter, and many men regard any girl over 16 as fair game. Only his own conscience can keep him from acting on his thoughts.

Also, your daughter needs to be guided by you on how to act around him. He may be your husband, but if he's openly looking at your teenager's ass after less than a month of marriage, I would not encourage her to get too comfortabe around him.

March 7, 2005
12:29 pm
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Big Heart - Thank you for your suggestions... I really do not believe that his intentions are bad... I believe that you are correct and that he does need me to let him know what boundaries are appropriate and what is not appropriate. Thank you again for your suggestions.

March 7, 2005
12:44 pm
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Jamaican Wife - Also want to thank you for your suggestions. I have already spoken with my daughter about how things were going to change once I got married... She use to run around the house half naked and I let her know that she can no longer do this. She is not the type of teenage that likes to wear very skimpy clothes ( thank goodness ) or I might have to poke his eyes out. :^) I agree with you he needs to have respect for both of us and know that even looking at my daughter in an inappropriate way is unexceptible.

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