Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Husband upset about BA honors at college
August 10, 2001
7:03 pm
Avatar
BAmom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I spent 5 years going through the last year of college because of my two small kids. I am a stay at home mom. I graduated with honors and my husband had flowers waiting for me when I got finished. However, a month later, he told me that a mother should not be getting honors. A mother should only do as much work as is necessary to pass the classes, since she neglects her children if she tries for A's. I have always believed that if I do something, I do it to my best ability. I am absolutely crushed by his comments and am not getting over it. I cannot believe he would say these things, especially since I thought he was supportive of me (never said this while I was still in school). What do you think?

August 10, 2001
8:45 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So, why are you giving his words power, why are you still stuck in the drama, why are you going to a dry well for water.
Who knows just where his statement comes from, its a pretty selfish self centered, and ok, stupid thing for him to have said. But look, maybe he comes from a family where mom couldn't read, never allowed to drive, and had to ask for money for the milk and bread on her knees, or he resented any and all that he had to do when you were in class or studying, or flat out, with your shoes on and not carring his next child, maybe he is afraide that your smarter than he is, (started at birth being a woman) or that now that your edugated, your going to take off to the big city and leave him high and dry. He was there with the flowers, so he did the right thing, I would leave it alone, be really proud of your self, and hey, get copies of the diploma and put them up in the hall way,like wall paper, to rub it in, hehe, not really, but hang that paper somewhere, walk by once and a while, and smile`be proud,shine on. So, what was it in, and when do you start graduate school?????????????

August 11, 2001
1:34 pm
Avatar
BAmom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Molly is right about my husband. His mother had 8 kids, beginning as a teenager, never held a job, and though she is a kind person, her only interests in life are the grocery store, her family and her church. She really has no life. I have told him before that I don't want to live like her, since she has nothing. The kids grew up and she still never developed any kind of life for herself. She cooks a lot of food and hopes the family will come over to eat it. There must be many lonely days.

I guess I am confused about the flowers, then the putdown. There is more than that. I came home from class a year ago and there was a package waiting for me from my husband. No special occasion. I opened it, and he had actually gone out and bought me a laptop computer. He had a note on it, saying "To my favorite student". That's why the 180 degree turn around hurt so much.

No, I don't think he resented taking care of the kids. He seemed to like the private time, actually.

August 13, 2001
10:01 am
Avatar
janes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Don't put down his mom for being at home with kids and interested in church...that is a very viable life for many women...and an honorable one too.
Yes...she may be lonely but that also is a choice.

But that doesn't mean it has to be YOUR life either.

As for hubby...sounds like he is confused too. Proud you did so well, worried you may find a better life etc etc.

Be honest and open and above board....

We are proud of you too. Good job!!

August 13, 2001
12:25 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You know I get that he is trying to be supportive, like eating something different, yea it tasted good, but I still like beans and eggs, and could eat it every day. its the familiar, and its your choice, to not get caught up in the drama, we all want approval from those most closest to us, and when we think we aren't our trigger buttons go back to our child hood, and wonder what we did wrong, or what we should do that is right for the approval, which creates our emotional conflict. I have found that if you push foreward with what you want, you are a happier person, and that ultimately makes them happier, so don't be confused, be strong and committed to your needs, otherwise resentment will, grow, and grow, and grow.

August 13, 2001
3:02 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

He's so full of himself. What a put-down for you. I'd definitely not swallow that and be okay with it and would care less about he tries to justify his stance. It stinks. Period. What a chauvinist. Pat you on the back and then kick you in the rump. Um, no... He's jealous and wants to "put you in your place". Homie don't play that game, right?

So - remain stedfast and look at the red flag here. I'd be putting him on major "check". Fine time to tell you something like this - after you get honors. If he had this mindset - why didn't he say something earlier? You're getting attention, you're getting praise, he's probably afraid that will lead to other things like - being dissatistifed with him... I'd ask him that, too and get it out in the open. If he's that insecure - might as well know it now and talk about it because it won't go away, that's for sure.

My ex-husband used to walk out of the room when I would play piano or guitar and it used to really wound me. I asked him years later why he did that? This was after we divorced and he said - because I was jealous of you, I can't do anything like that. I said - well, most of the time when I played - it was for you...

So, be true to yourself. He will either keep up and be a supportive partner or he won't. It's his problem, not yours.

August 14, 2001
10:43 am
Avatar
sue2001
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

congratulations on getting the honors and for getting to collage at all...You are strong and patient. five years of raising the kids and going to school. That is really good it doesn't sound like he did much help though if it took you that long.. maybe he did.. but you got to go and you finished and you did it because of you, and for you. I am not there yet, I will be soon though. I am sure secretly he is scared of losing you. This is what I get. "You know you are smart enough to go to collage why don't you go I will help with the kids we can put them in day care.. and since you only work weekends you have all week to do it" So I get all worked up and start the process of going and something always happens... Like we don't have the money to get this or that (all little things that have to be taken care of) I was scheduled to go take a test last year I told him he knew that he made plans on that day. we had only been in the area less than a year I had no one else to watch the kids... I told him all of that he said well I had something to do... SO...or he will get it all started and then I will in enroll the kids in day care. Then do you really want the kids to go to daycare we can't afford it especially since you are home. So see he looks good when he says that he wants me to go to school but when it comes down to it he doesn't want me to be doing any thing except what wives are suppossed to be and for awhile that was fine with me but it isn't now...... Sue

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
29
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110920
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714201
Newest Members:
kevinkovalsky, izzy39, RoyFollman, kevin021, Fice1990, KyleGallegos
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer