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Husband relapsed -bad situation
August 26, 2007
1:30 am
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worry_nomore
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My husband has abused drugs for a long time but his use was always 2-3 days a month, at home (while I sleep) and back to normal (cocaine is expensive as you know). He always goes to work and has no problems there whatsoever.

He started using about 10 days ago. This is the longest he's done it in 10 years. When he started he was doing it at home, I am now very attuned to what clues to look for and where. Then this past 7 days, he started coming home at 2:30am, then at 6am, at 5am and the like. Then he didn't come home two days ago. He then showed up Thursday night and slept well. He was very verbally aggressive in the morning and haven't seen him since then. He did call me last night at 7pm but no word from him since.
I haven't tried to call him as I usually do (over and over and over). Today I tried and his voice mail is full (which got me worried because if there is a thing he is always on top of is that cell phone). He has our only car. I don't know what to do...file a missing persons report? ignore it and wait till he shows up? I have nobody to talk to...Any insights?

August 26, 2007
9:46 am
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CAMER
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has your hubby ever tried rehab for his drug addiction?? cuz maybe that can keep him clean for a long time.

Not sure how long he has been using in the past 10 years, but even using 2 to 3 days a month is alot.

Best thing is to talk to him when he cleans up and ask him if he wants to spend his life like this, and do YOU want to spend you life like this while he uses?

my prayers are with you.

August 26, 2007
11:21 am
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Lisa Ann
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This is a very tough situation to be in, but I can tell you first hand, when someone is actively using, they can go days without sleep and continue to use. Everything in their life disappears, except the drugs. Half of the time they are not even sure of the day or time, when this happens. So, I have a feeling he is out with some other drug addicts and they are actively using. Then again, what are the people like that he tends to hang out with? Have you met them? Drugs are so controlling and money becomes a major issues as well that people will do almost anything to get money to get the drugs. So, I would defintely be concerned that he is in a bad situation. I wish I could tell you what to do, but this is definitely a tough scary situation. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.

I would definitely think about what you want in a relationship because living with an addict is miserable - I have been there before. I would so some serious thinking about what I wanted and then you will have to tell him what you want and stick to it. If you want him to get help, he has to do it. Sometimes treatment is the only thing that will work for people who have gotten into their addiction too deep. There is so much to learn from treatment. I have been there before and I do believe that I learned a lot in treatment - things that I would have never learned on my own. Treatment is probably one of the biggest reasons that I'm still sober today.

Best of luck to you! Keep posting and hopefully we can help give you some insight and support while you are going through this.

Lisa Ann

August 26, 2007
11:34 am
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AQueen
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I used to live like that. I tried to report the car stolen as it was in my name, nope didn't work because he has a set of key and drives the c ar frequently so the police weren't going to get involved over some diagreement over who is supposed to have the car. I called hospitals. I got online and checked the jail register to see if he had been arrested. Nope. He was just off spendng money doing dope. Being selfish. Being a jerk.

I kicked my addict out March 07. He is currently homeless doing drugs running the streets. He blames me for everything and refused to be accountable for any of his actions. The thing is once a month never stays once a month. Drug use always increases over time. Plus for me once or twice a month was too much for me. We have a son together and I refuse to raise my son in that environment. THe stress, the argueing, the wondering, all that crap. My son is 9 months old now but he was only about 5 months old when I kicked him out. I didn't want even a infant around that crap.

It's all about choices. We can chose to have a better life without addiction intruding and taking over. Life may be bit rough at first when we leave but it gets so much better. I refuse to settle for life with a actively using addict. Keep in mind I'm a recovering addict myself. I know how hard it is to change your life and quit using but it can be done. The addict has to want to change though. I changed my friends, hang outs, hobbies, work, everything. I'm in outpatient treatment and I do support groups and counseling. I work hard at staying clean. Just stopping the drugs never works. You always relase.

AQueen

August 26, 2007
1:31 pm
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worry- My drug using, alcohol drinking husband is in jail. Used to go through the same hell. The disappearing act was the one that really pushed me over the edge. The behavior is unacceptable. They ALL will rationalize their behavior, make you think they only do it for this reason or in this amount to make you think they have it under control. I hate to sound cold but the difference between what happens to them as a result of their behavior and what happens to you is that they deserve it and you dont. They resent not appreciate the fact that you worry about them. They know exactly where they are at and what they are doing. They are not EVEN thinking about you when they are using. And they come up with the best lies after the get their fix. And they will be pissed if you even question it. Not returning calls (unless it is to the drug supplier or pharmacy) is common. Oh, you will hear from him again. And this cycle will repeat itself over and over again. The person that needs help here is you. And we will give you all that you need.

August 26, 2007
1:45 pm
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Thanks all for replying...it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one out there living this situation.
He finally came home last night. I set the home alarm (which I never do) and that is what woke me up...it totally freaked him out! I woke up and turned it off (he doesn't have the code because like I said, we never use it). Then he told me that he had been at the drug dealer's house "All this time" (almost 38 hours?) trying to get his money back and some other cockeyed stuff. I ignored him and went back to bed.

He has a really bad cough right now and he is sleeping and will probably sleep all day. This is what I have done:
(1) Cancelled Internet service (he goes upstairs to "use the Internet" but he is "using" something else while he's there)
(2) Told him I wouldn't pay his cell phone anymore
(3) Went through his stuff in the car and found two spoons (he smokes freebase cocaine) which I put them right in the spot where he smokes (Cigarrettes) so he can't miss them
(4) Found a bunch of check books (as you can imagine his financial situation is not the best so he bounces checks) which I tore in like a million pieces
(5) In the process of doing the above, I discovered that he went to 3 cash advance places in the last 5 days and got $580 out of each one of them (I was wondering where he was getting the money)
(6) Found his check stubs (I learned my lesson a long time and we don't have joint accounts...he doesn't know how much I make and he doesn't tell me how much he makes) and found that he was only giving me (when he does) 1/3rd of what he makes every pay period!!!!!!!!!1
(7) The back seats were up (we always have them down for the dogs) and I found one of the seats had a stain that I know is from drugs so I know he had someone in the car -more than one person
(8) We really stick to ourselves, so we never go out with other people (I am a homebody and prefer to be with my dogs than anywhere else)...he doesn't have any "friends" per se...only drug dealers that he usually goes to, picks up the stuff and comes back home. So I am clueless as to who he is with or where
(9) I am going to take the car key out of his key ring once I finish posting and won't give it to him at least all day today. The bad part is that we only have one car. He takes care of elderly and disabled individuals who adore him (he is very charismatic and helpful) so he needs the car to go to their homes to care for them each day. So...taking the car completey away from him (we live outside of the big city, so no public transportation there exists either) means taking the only thing he is actually following through on. He does go to work, he goes above and beyond to help people out, and he even goes to care for them during the holidays and at times when he doesn't have to go and doesn't get paid to do so (that's the kind of individual he is)
(10) I am going to ask him to start paying either the car payment or car insurance, as I pay for both of them (since the car is in my name and it is my credit that is on the line) and hardly ever use the car

Sorry this is so long. Your responses have helped me realize that I have to be stronger and stick to my guns. I have an appointment next week with a counselor but so far being in this group has helped me a lot.

Thanks all for your honest and objective replies.

August 26, 2007
4:00 pm
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_anonymous
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I have been there. it is like closing the barn door after the horse escapes. You are in control mode to try to regroup. No matter what you do or say it wont change what he is doing. Unless you leave. Let him deal with himself. It is the only thing that works. Sometimes it only proves what everyone already knows, drugs are the highest priority and what these types are really married to. The next thing he will do is come out of the drug fog. Realize what he has done. Agree to whatever then when your guard is down he will be back at it again. It is a merry go round. The sane one gets off of that ride.

August 26, 2007
4:24 pm
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you wrote down a checklist of 10 things, that is great, stick to them, and don't let him get the best of you.

Yes, he may be using, but you certainly don't have to put up with the after effects and can set boundareis for yourself.

August 26, 2007
9:15 pm
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(((worry no-more))))

oh my. there you are living my life. There are so many of us...here with the same sad stories..
your Husband sounds like mine. He is very kind, gentle and charismatic. Everyone loves him..he is very helpful and even dependable to go out of his way and help my parents or neighbors with anything. He has a hard time saying no to people and was easy to get along with...
that is..besides the drugging ..staying out late or sometimes all night.. the phone calls from strangers.. the lack of responsibility in paying his fair share...
I finally kicked him out...of the house... and am doing SO much better.

But I still worry and cry over what he does or doesn't do.. I still help him by feeding him sometimes or giving him food..recently some gas money.. I still get angry about his irresponsibility and choices.. I still try to control.. I know I should not even have contact with him...since the things I do to help him...don't seem to be really helping at all.. but I haven't been able smart enough/wise enough/strong enough to break free and let him go completely..
I started where you are starting though... exactly the same things..that were SO hard for me to do... now looking back I don't know why it was so hard to quit paying for his cell phone and for his car insurance.. and his taxes... etc.. I wish I would have stuck to my guns a LONG time ago and cut him off..

So stick to your guns.. take the baby steps to a better life for yourself. One thing at a time! He is a grown man and will not stop doing drugs until he is good and ready.
You need to put yourself first! Take care of yourself ...one step at a time...things will get better for YOU if YOU look out for you.

I truly know how you are feeling and I hope you begin to take care of yourself first!

AQueen.. I can't believe the strength you have. I wonder if I had a baby that would give me the strength to truly let go .... funny ..why can't I do it just for my own selF?
TDM

August 26, 2007
9:30 pm
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AQueen
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All that stuff sounds wonderful. BUT it won't change the fact that he will continue to use drugs and this will happen again. THen he'll apologize and things will be okay for awhile and then BAM this will happen AGAIN. See a pattern? It WON'T stop until you leave or he on his own accord seeks treatment. Not you badgering him to get help, that won't do. Addicts have to stop for themselves. They also NEED professional help to do so if they want to recover.

If you just stop using it's like being on a diet. You binge once in awhile, you fall off the wagon once in awhile but you NEVER commit to a total lifestyle change until you decide enough is enough. Addiction is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I suggest you find a Naranon meeting for yourself. Naranon is for loved ones of drug addicts. You will get the support you need.

Freebase is so addictive. People don't just quit. They might stop for a bit but they relapse. I smoked for years. I stopped in July of 06. I still attend outpatient treatment, counseling, and support groups. It's a ongoing process.

I suggest you start worrying about you and what you are going to do with your life since you have NO control over him and his decision to use drugs. Seek help for youself. Loved ones of addicts become just as sick as the addict with the denial, ignoring the problem, minimizing, etc. He will kiss your ass and promise the world but it's all talk. Actions speak lounder than words. If he is really serious he'll enter treatment or at the very least attend NA meetings all the time and work the steps with a sponsor. It's just that simple.

I'm soooooooooooooo happy I left my ex. He still thinks he has the right to use once in awhile and that I shouldn't have a problem. He's clueless. Absolutely clueless. I can't even talk to him on the phone he irritates me so much. Now that I'm away from him I can see things clearly. I don't deserve someone with a coke addiction. I deserve better. I deserve a person without secrets. I deserve true happiness. Not settling for some cokehead with a secret life. And let me tell you secret doesn't even beg in to cover it. Freebase and hookers go hand in hand. Men like to give drug addicted hookers crack cocaine aka freebase so they have someone to smoke with and because they get kinky sexual fetishes when high. I wonder what the source of that stain really is? Dealers often have "freak rooms" where drug addicted women trade sexual favors for a measely crack hit. I'm a recovering addict that has seen the depths of the underworld and it's not pretty or glamorous.

September 1, 2007
4:13 pm
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worry_nomore
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I hadn't had the chance to write all week, but here I am.
One thing that I failed to mention in my original post is that my husband had been clean for 9 years, then the past year he started to use again here and there, and the past few months it had been about 3x per month, until this real bad relapse happened recently.
I know addiction is an illness, and I am surprised by the majority of the suggestions to be to leave him. That is not me...especially as I know what good of a life we have had these past almost 10 years.
We had a long talk and he is ok now. He made an appointment with a treatment facility that I had talked to him about in the past all by himself (he has NEVER wanted to seek professional help before). The appointment is next week. I know he will go just because I know him so well.
Someone made a comment to my post where I said that I knew he had had people in the car because I found a "stain" in the back seat. The stain I was referring too was a smoke stain. Again, there is just so much that you can share in a post, but if there are two things I can tell you with 100% certaintly are that (1) he has never, ever, ever laid a finger on me, and (2) cheating on me is not even a possibility.
I actually take very good care of myself. I am a very successful woman, in excellent shape, very optimistic, have more positive energy to give than you ever want, well educated, exercise religiously, have outlets for stress, I am aware of resources, and thankfully have no kids (neither one of us have ever wanted any).
This time I was worried sick because it had been so long since this had happened and I had forgotten how it felt to not know. The treatment facility he has made an appointment with is fantastic in that family must be part of the process, it is not a question it is actually a condition so I am all for supporting him every step of the way.
I have followed through on every one of the things I wrote in my last post, and although some of those are a big inconvenience, he is good with it overall.

I made a mistake in my last post, when I said he had taken 3 cash advances, actually it was only one. Not that this excuses the behavior, but one is better than 3!

I will support him through this very important step he has taken to seek professional help. I have experienced the good times for the past almost 10 years when he's been clean. Before then we were pretty young so we partied away together for 7. So I am not naive...I've been around the block a time or two myself until I finally "Saw the light."

I don't think that divorce or leaving someone is the only solution. Every single addict's situation is different, some change, some don't, some go back and forth. I have lots of support to give to him, and will continue to do so. It shall be interesting to go through the rehab program with him. Wish us luck!

Thanks all for your kind thoughts and sharing of your experiences...and for listening to me when I was pretty overwhelmed with the barrage of feelings that came from the past!

September 1, 2007
8:44 pm
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(((worry no more))))

You are the only one that can live your life and must do what feels right for you. People give advice based on their own..experiences and feelings. We know very little of your story and never will truly know the whole story no matter what you share with us.
What most of us who responded do know..is that living with a drug addict is not always easy. We know that no matter HOW much you want them to stop..that you cannot control what another person does. You cannot make them "well". Statistics..say that most drug addicts..particularly those addicted to cocaine, meth and heroin do not have a high success rate (able to stop completely). However my statistics teacher told me NEVER to believe in statistics.

There are many happy endings to drug-addicted stories..and I hope that you will find your happy ending. I hope you are not afraid to share the truth and your fears and your thoughts here at this site...IT is anonymous...and it doesn't matter what anyone says to you. You can pick and choose the advice that works for you. Many people on this site have helped me tremendouosly... I came here in despair...and still haven't found all the answers. But I got strength from wonderful people here to do the thing that I knew was right in MY own situation. And I'm doing much better.

I still don't know enough about addiction. I'm still learning. I have mixed feelings about what to do....
about the difference between not enabling and abandoning..

I certainly don't have all the answers. I just hope that you keep your eyes open, follow your gut instincts, keep the communication open with him, keep your assets safe, and continue to take care of yourself.

You sound like a very kind, smart and loving woman. I hope your husband truly appreciates your willingness to stand by his side..and gets the help he needs.

TDM

September 2, 2007
3:06 pm
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worry_nomore
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Thanks for your kind words.
I actually was so glad to have found this site, because 10 years ago he had a car accident (of course while driving under the influence) where he almost died. Coma, amnesia, rehabilitation to get him to walk, eat, and be functioning that lasted almost 3 years...all that a result of a tramautic brain injury (TBI) sustained as a result of that accident. That's when he stopped using.
At the time I found a site similar to this for family members of people with TBI that literally saved my life. Can you imagine the doctors asking him if he knew who I was and him saying "of course, she is the lady that delivers the paper?" or thinking it was 1970-something? Now I tease him and said "darned, that was my chance and I didn't take it!" So I very much appreciate the anonymity and confidentiality that sites such as these provide 🙂

Reading through some of the other posts make you realize that you are not the only one dealing with the situation, and that there are situations far worse than yours. It really puts everything in perspective.

I appreciate everyone's comments, and like you said, will try to take whatever advice feels right to my situation.

Thank you again to all for taking the time to read my post and respond to it!

September 2, 2007
3:23 pm
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worry_nomore
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Thanks for your kind words.
I actually was so glad to have found this site, because 10 years ago he had a car accident (of course while driving under the influence) where he almost died. Coma, amnesia, rehabilitation to get him to walk, eat, and be functioning that lasted almost 3 years...all that a result of a tramautic brain injury (TBI) sustained as a result of that accident. That's when he stopped using.
At the time I found a site similar to this for family members of people with TBI that literally saved my life. Can you imagine the doctors asking him if he knew who I was and him saying "of course, she is the lady that delivers the paper?" or thinking it was 1970-something? Now I tease him and said "darned, that was my chance and I didn't take it!" So I very much appreciate the anonymity and confidentiality that sites such as these provide 🙂

Reading through some of the other posts make you realize that you are not the only one dealing with the situation, and that there are situations far worse than yours. It really puts everything in perspective.

I appreciate everyone's comments, and like you said, will try to take whatever advice feels right to my situation.

Thank you again to all for taking the time to read my post and respond to it!

September 2, 2007
8:53 pm
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worry_nomore
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Thanks for your kind words.
I actually was so glad to have found this site, because 10 years ago he had a car accident (of course while driving under the influence) where he almost died. Coma, amnesia, rehabilitation to get him to walk, eat, and be functioning that lasted almost 3 years...all that a result of a tramautic brain injury (TBI) sustained as a result of that accident. That's when he stopped using.
At the time I found a site similar to this for family members of people with TBI that literally saved my life. Can you imagine the doctors asking him if he knew who I was and him saying "of course, she is the lady that delivers the paper?" or thinking it was 1970-something? Now I tease him and said "darned, that was my chance and I didn't take it!" So I very much appreciate the anonymity and confidentiality that sites such as these provide 🙂

Reading through some of the other posts make you realize that you are not the only one dealing with the situation, and that there are situations far worse than yours. It really puts everything in perspective.

I appreciate everyone's comments, and like you said, will try to take whatever advice feels right to my situation.

Thank you again to all for taking the time to read my post and respond to it!

September 3, 2007
2:03 pm
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Worry_

Before trying to post on your thread, I went back and read it from the beginning, back in late August. I can genuinely identify with your situation because I, too, am a codependent. And I, too, have devoted most of my adult years to the care, repair, control and enabling of a toxic man, usually an addict or an alcoholic.

I would urge you to pull up your original postings from late August and actually READ what you have shared with us. So many alarm bells went off in my head, while reading your posts: tearing up the checks, so he couldn't overdraw himself (trying to get drug money??); taking away the car key for "today," (so that he can't drive and get drugs???) or do anything else inappropriate?, although he will HAVE to have the car to work and he is so caring and giving and wonderful in the work he does (most addicts ARE wonderful when they're straight); standing by while he recovered from a terrible accident caused by -- you said it yourself -- his own impaired condition (how fortunate that he didn't kill another innocent victim while he was indulging); paying for the car and insurance because he has withheld 2/3 of his income from you (don't ya wonder what he was doing with all that spare, undisclosed change from his paychecks???); choosing to believe that he would NEVER be unfaithful to you, despite evidence that he has had "passengers" in the car during his drug binges and that he has disappeared for days on end (where exactly did he sleep?? and would he have been straight enough to care who was sleeping with or next to him???)...choosing to believe that he would always be honest with you, despite concrete evidence (such as his failure to disclose his true income) to the contrary.

In short, you are my greatest concern at this juncture. How clearly I saw myself in the little "talk" you had with him, following which he (bless his heart) voluntarily contacted a rehab for help next week. Sounds like he ran out of money or feared losing your support. One or the other. Your little talk must have scared him and he is desperate to pacify you.

I like what AQueen wrote and quote her wonderful insight:

"I suggest you start worrying about you and what you are going to do with your life since you have NO control over him and his decision to use drugs. Seek help for youself. Loved ones of addicts become just as sick as the addict with the denial, ignoring the problem, minimizing, etc."

Life with an addict is wonderful for codependents. We can build our entire lives around fixing them, cleaning up their messes, maintaining hypervigilance over all their daily activities, habits, comings/goings, etc., to save them from themselves and their naughty little problems. In short, THEY become our LIFE. And we make every excuse in the books for them because keeping the focus on THEM, building our lives around THEM, spares us having to look at ourselves and figure out why we so desperately need to be NEEDED, to be in CONTROL, to FIX the "unfixable." Why we settle for someone who is a problem, instead of saving ourselves for a HEALTHY relationship with a non-addict.

With all my heart, I urge you to read Melody Beatty's book, CODEPENDENT NO MORE. And seek counseling for yourself. You need help to learn and understand why you have settled into such a terrible relationship...why this seems familiar and acceptable and comfortable for you...why you are willing to put up with the abuse and betrayal and deception, dished out by all addicts?

Please do get help. You sound like a wonderful, giving, caring, compassionate woman. This is exactly the type of person whom addicts latch onto. We stand by our man through thick & thin. Better to have him, than to be alone, right? Better to have him, than to be in a relationship that does not require our fixing, our hypervigilance, our enabling, our scolding, our desperate need to be NEEDED.

I have been YOU. I am now in recovery from codependency. It is a long process, but a worthwhile one. Please keep posting and please continue reading the other threads on this site. You will see yourself in many of them which will give you insight and strength and help you to come out of denial. It's hard, but it's SO worth it.

- Ma Strong

September 3, 2007
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P.S. If you haven't done so, please get yourself tested for HIV/AIDS and Hepatitis C immediately. They are rampant among drug users and you are at high risk for contracting either.

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