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Husband not abuser
May 3, 2005
9:43 am
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Banks
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My husband and I have been married for nearly 16 years. He is very affectionate and loving and really a big softie. In all of this time, we have had some passionate disagreements over typical married life stuff and there have been times I have made him very angry and vice versa. However, in all this time he has never hit me or abused me in anyway. My husband is 47 years old and I have seen him in situations where others get out of control (his brother being extremely drunk and trying to provoke a fight) and my husband tried to walk away. He only fought with his brother after his brother attacked him.

So I know he does not resort to violence to resolve issues. He he can be annoying because he won't back down on an issue, but that is it. So, I was totally shocked when he was recently banned from the local YMCA because a woman said he punched her in the chest with a closed fist. This was whlie they were playing basketball in a gym full of men.

For starters, I just don't believe this. My husband does not handle himself this way, plus I don't see how he would have made it ouf of the gym alive after punching a woman in the chest in front of 20 or so men.

The woman went home and wrote a letter to the YMCA director stating this had happened. My husband was called the next day and told he could not come back to the YMCA until an investigation was complete.

When we finally got to talk to the Director, I then told her of an incident involving this same woman about a month prior where out of anger (she is taller than my husband who is only 5'7) picked him up on the court and swung him around while she yelled "he keeps fouling me." The Director didn't want to hear about it at all.

I am so frustrated! This woman obviously crossed the line and now she is making false accusations. I have a meeting with the President tomorrow and I was hoping someone could help me with some statistics. Does anyone know what percent of men who hit women they do not know also abuse their wives?

Thanks for any advice/input.

May 3, 2005
9:58 am
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PoundingHeart
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Banks, I have a question. What does your hubby say about the incident? What's his take on it. It sounds like there was already some negative interaction between them before. What about other witnesses?

May 3, 2005
10:22 am
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Banks
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Actually this is another reason I know this didn't happen - my husband tells me everything and we always talk about the days events. And yes, he even tells me when he messes up. He usually calls me right away and on that day, he just said he played ball and that was about it.

So when this issue came up, he said the only time he remembers touching her that day was when he was guarding her. He said when you are behind someone, you touch them on the low back to let them know you are there - especially if they are taller than you. You see it in every game on TV. This is nothing out of the ordinary. He said when he did this she said "he hit me" and he looked at her and said "no I didn't" and everyone else said "no he didn't" and that was the end of it so he didn't think anything else about it.

This was right after he went up for a lay up and she knocked him down. He said he wasn't upset by this and told her "good foul" and continued to play ball.

I know he was hurt that day because when we went to the movies that night he could hardly walk and I asked him if he had a rough day at the gym and he said not really, I just got knocked down going up for a layup.

I know to get other witnesses involved, but the YMCA Director didn't do a proper investigation. That is the first thing I am going to discuss with the President tomorrow. I also felt it was important to look at a person's history to determine who is being truthful. This should be part of the investigation as well. My husband has been a member of the YMCA for nearly 7 years and never a problem. Also, again, we have been married for nearly 16 years and never a problem.

So I was hoping to have some further ammunition by being able to state a statistic as to how likely it would be for a man to hit a woman he barely knows when he has never hit his wife of nearly 16 years. From what I know, I would bet that a man who hits a woman he barely knows has hit his wife plenty of times.

May 3, 2005
11:02 am
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sewunique
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Banks,

Yes, women can be abusive as well, just rarer and not often recognized as easily nor always believed to be when it is so. There have been a couple guys here who have had experiences with abusive women, but I canot speak for them. I do hope they catch your thread to post back to you. If not, perhaps you can re title a new thread that will catch their eye to post back specifically to what you have addressed here.

Abuse is horrible whatever shape or form it presents itself; at home, the work place or even in social situations. My best to you in this situation.

Sew

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