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Husband in love with a minor
January 21, 2005
6:25 pm
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lostinthismess
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I am here to ask for advice on how to handle my feelings in this situation which you'll understand by the time i am through here.We have been married for about 7yrs. For the last few years we have maintained an open relationship and disscussed the option of including other women in our life as a sexual partner to enhance our relationship. It only happened once and it was a good experience free of jelousy or anger and it did make us stronger as a coulpe.

About 5 months ago my husband and I decided to pack up our small children and all of our possesions and move to another state to see if we could build a life there that would be better and healthier for our kids. We moved in with my parents and my younger sister. Shortly after moving in there my husband began forming a close relationship with my sister and thought he might like to pursue something with her. At first I was ok with the idea and even promoted it. Then after about 2 weeks I told him it was wrong she was too young and i thought it should stop. He refused and talked me out of what i was thinking. Needless to say as time went on it progressed and I was so afraid of loosing him that i kept allowing it to happen.Finally it got to the point where he told me he was in love with her and wanted her to become a perminate fixture in our life. I told him that I couldn't accept that and that it was never going to happen so he needed to end it. I told him I had been wrong for ever allowing it and it had to stop. When it didn't i informed my father that he should check up on her at which point he discovered letters she had recieved from him and we left the state and went back to where we were orrigionally. since beeing here he has continued to contact her regularly and appears to be more in love with her now that before. he even dedicated a web page to her saying she was his one and only love. never mentioning me or my kids. I was devistated by it and he tells me the whole thing is my fault because i was ok with it then changed my mind and now he can't change his feelings for her. He says he still loves me but he also loves her. I am not sure at this point wheather i should leave him or not and i don't know how to deal with the feelings of guilt i have thinking it's all my fault. I still love him and i am unsure if i believe him that he still loves me. right now we are still together but only in the sense that we live in the same house. keep in mind that the other woman is NOT a woman she is underage

January 21, 2005
6:32 pm
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Anonymous
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First and foremost, whether you should leave him?? That is pretty much a no brainer I'm sorry. First he isn't even making an attempt to contact you, second he is in love with your sister, third he went against your wishes and added her into a situation that she more than likely didn't need in her life and FOURTH, where is your respect for yourself? Is this man worth all of this? I may have had my ex treat me like shit at times but I would NEVER tolerate this, and I don't understand why you do. I understand love but do you really love him more than yourself? More than that, what about your children? Do you want them to grow up and think that what daddy is doing is just fine and dandy. I am far from judging that life style I am just not sure why you would even consider NOT leaving him.

January 21, 2005
6:37 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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That is fucked up. I'd talk to an attorney for more than just reasons of getting a divorce. I think you may be involved in some legal hot-water yourself in promoting this relationship initially.

What's the website?

January 21, 2005
6:41 pm
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CAMER
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I'D leave him...he went over and above the boundaries..this is your sister, his sister in law! First off, i wish you never promoted it either, cuz she is your sister, a blood relative. And for him to even consider anything, esp w/her being underage....wow, its too much to handle. This man needs some help. And you are so much better off without him.

January 21, 2005
6:42 pm
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CAMER
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I'D leave him...he went over and above the boundaries..this is your sister, his sister in law! First off, i wish you never promoted it either, cuz she is your sister, a blood relative. And for him to even consider anything, esp w/her being underage....wow, its too much to handle. This man needs some help. And you are so much better off without him.

January 21, 2005
6:44 pm
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marley
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WOW that sucks. I mean to have your husband leave you for your younger sister. How do your children feel? Do they know? Personally, I can't understand what was missing in your relationship initially that you wanted to have other women with you?

January 21, 2005
6:56 pm
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lostinthismess
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the kids are too young to know what is going on. I am scared of life on my own. He has supported me for our entire relationship and i have never worked. I don't knowif i could support my kids on my own or not.i am extremely dependent on him and I have no family to speak of only my father is haas been pretty much a liar also. I don't feel like there is any one i can trust in the whole world. legaly there is nothing to deal with because ther has been no physical realtionship.She was checked and is still a virgin. What I am trying to figure out is how do i let go of him and stand on my own two feet?

January 21, 2005
7:53 pm
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lostinthismess
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just wanted to make sure i mentioned that i never took part in or allowed or new of any sexual activities of any kind. I just grew uncomfortable with the level of closeness they were forming and told him to stop before it went too far. What i allowed to keep happening was constant phone calls and time on the computer together. after 4 weeks of living there we moved out so they have had no oportunity to have any physical contact. the times they were together there was ALWAYS someone else with them. like i say all i knew about was the mental relationship not the physical one but he say because i allowed it in the past it was wrong of me to change my mind this time.What i told him wqas it was only allowed as something to "spice up" our relationship and there were never supposed to be any real feelings involved.

January 21, 2005
7:54 pm
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sdesigns
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I am sorry about this but I gotta say- you can't blame this all on him. I think you both have problems. Maybe leaving him will solve this problem but I think you both need some serious counseling. Involving your sister who is a minor is troubling. If you're serious about standing on your own 2 feet, then find a way. This man is controlling your entire life in all aspects and its up to you to change that if that is what you want. This is not just another woman, this is your sister who is still a child. You've gotten yourself into a very bizarre situation and as P.L. mentions above, you may be in some hot legal water if you pursue this. Good luck. SD

January 21, 2005
7:55 pm
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CAMER
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just try....thats all you can do, try it for a few hours being alone...cuz if your hubby is like this now, just image what other people he may want to bring into the bedroom. Have faith in yourself, and know you will survive, Iknow the
"outlook" of being alone may seem bad, but try it for a few hours and keep posting, there is support here for you.

January 21, 2005
8:06 pm
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lostinthismess
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thank you for the support. I know that I was horriably wrong for being involved in any way and i pray to god every nite for forgiveness and i am seeking counselling for myself. I am increadiably terrified of all of this i just want desperatly for it to go away. I feel so lost and so alone. It's unimaginable to me for this to even be happening but it is and i want to be safe and to find myself again. i used to be very independent untill i met him and then i lost it for whatever reason. I will keep posting.

January 21, 2005
8:16 pm
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readyforachange
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I agree with everyone else...especially Aces & Spades for telling it like it is. Listen, and get away from him. Deal with your guilt and responsibility in this mess, and move on. Learn from your mistakes, and don't expose your kids to more of this.

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