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Husband got drunk and was too honest
July 19, 2005
1:25 pm
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Randomwomen2
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dang last night my husband got drunk and told me that he thought that my brother inlaws best friend was realy realy hot. I was there in the room with him and then he turned to me and said you ahve bigger booobs so what am i not pretty enough for him or what that is the only thing that he could come up with is that i have bigger boobs

July 19, 2005
1:41 pm
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kathygy
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I think your husband wasn't treating you with value or respect for him to comment on another woman's looks in your presence. I think that is wrong and certainly not loving. I can see why you would feel hurt that he didn't say anything about how pretty you are. Your husband was being an asshole. Try not to take it as a comment on your looks. Does he get drunk very often?

love,
Kathy

July 19, 2005
1:43 pm
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Randomwomen2
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he doesnt get drunk often but i just cant believe how bad that hurt me its like every time my self confidence goes up some one squashes it

July 19, 2005
1:50 pm
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kathygy
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Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful. Say it often. Don't let your husband's insensitivity define you. You are a beautiful woman.

love,
kathy

July 19, 2005
2:00 pm
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Randomwomen2
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thank you you are very sweet

July 19, 2005
2:12 pm
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jamaicanwife
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Sometimes it is easier to be honest with a stranger than with a friend or relative. I would never say this to anyone in my real life unless it was obvious I was joking but I am going to say it to you. What it means to you, if anything, is up to you.

Your husband is not good enough for you. He does not deserve you. He probably is UNABLE to appreciate you, considering his family background. By staying married to him and putting up with his crap, and allowing him to take advantage of your love for him, YOU ARE DOING HIM A FAVOUR.

All human being are created equal, but we decide how much value we add to ourselves after we become adults. You have been working so hard to increase your value, to be there for your children, to give them the life you were denied. Your husband has chosen to DECREASE his value, and he KNOWS this.

His drunken, boorish behaviour (I love the word boorish, it expresses so much disgust and contempt) is a way of building himself up at your expense. It makes him feel a little better because you feel a little worse.

You say he loves you, and I am sure in his limited way he does - you sound very easy to love - but he does not respect you. He does not appreciate the miracle that your life is. He is a pig. He should be roasted over a spit and served for dinner with an apple in his mouth.

I just had to get that out. I was very upset on your behalf, and I had to get it out. I don't really want your husband roasted.

July 19, 2005
2:17 pm
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Randomwomen2
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well you brought a smile to my face. How do i get over my hurt?

July 19, 2005
2:59 pm
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revelation
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Hi Random,

I agree with Jamaicanwife, you really are doing your husband a huge favour by staying with him and taking care of HIS kids...sounds like he's totally not appreciating that. What an a-hole, sorry, I don't use that term a lot, but thats what he was being when he said that to you.
Next time (if there is one, and lets hope not) he starts singing the praises of some other woman, why don't you call his bluff and say "Go get her...I'd like to see you try". Then just give him one of those "You pathetic loser" looks and turn away...I bet that will shut him up!!!

Sorry, I wouldn't usually encourage such behaviour, but just this once...I'm having fun imagining you saying that to him.

July 19, 2005
4:34 pm
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CAMER
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hi random, sometimes people act like silly jerks when they drink and say things they may not mean. He should have more respect for you and stop acting like a pig and act like a devoted husband and man too!!!

I do hope you are feeling better.

(((camer)))

July 19, 2005
4:44 pm
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exoticflower
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RW, YOur husband sounds like he needs a reminder as to how much you bring to his life...does HE cook? Does HE take care of the kids? DOes HE have sex with HIMSELF (boys, I get this being part of being a man, but in general, the partner does make it better, I hear)? And more importantly, does his brothers friend? I think if he could live without these things for a while, he may remember to look you in the eye and apriciate you more...and in the proccess probably remember how pretty he must know you are...and if not, well, then why should you do him any favors anyway? You can just puff up those big boobs of yours and tell him to get a good long look to remember them by, then get a nice big t-shirt to cover them up any time he is around. What a jerk he is! Aurgh, guys make me so furious sometimes!

July 19, 2005
11:53 pm
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cpt1212
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RW--

Something my counselor told me that I have clung to like a life raft is that when someone is putting you down just say to yourself that that is their stuff, not your stuff. For example, your husband was saying that b/c to put you down eases his insecurities, it isn't really about you. Every time my family tries to knock me back down, I just repeat in my head, that is your stuff, not mine!

Hope this helps!

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