Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
husband addicted to gambling, cocaine--what now?
October 30, 2004
6:15 am
Avatar
bluelady
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I confronted my husband for the first time this week about his addictions on the advice of a lawyer and counselor. They said I should ask him to leave and I should file for separation or divorce. I got started with the paperwork--he left and I'm devastated. I want him back. I don't want him to hurt my son (emotionally). I've left messages on his phone, called his girlfriend (he wasn't there). No response. He is furious with me and says I'm over reacting

October 30, 2004
6:30 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WHOA....you said you called his "girlfriend"....and this is your husband???? what are you to him then??

My previous bf's were addicted to pot, and gamlbling..and of course same thing...that I was overreacting....you are not over reacting..he is in denial...and you probably want him back maybe cuz you are lonely..and miss him,...but do you
miss his addictions, gamlbling wont get him rich, and cocaine another addiction.....not good.

Is there a reason why you wound want this man back, and even feel safe with him being with your son, if he is on drugs and spending money needlessly.

He needs some help....and you too can get help here with this support group. Check out http://www.coda.org for
more info on codependency.

October 30, 2004
11:59 am
Avatar
jul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You called your husband's girlfriend? What is wrong with this picture? You certainly deserve much more from your husband than what you are getting! I'm reading a great book about emotionally unavailable men. One chapter is about being involved with 'oholics. It says that no matter what kind of addict they are, you will always be second in importance to the addiction. In other words until he gets help, the coke and the gambling will always be number one in his life. No way for your son to grow up. My dad was an alkie and believe me it caused alot of emotional problems in me that I am still fighting after many, many years. You need to decide why you want him back, and make sure you think about all the bad things that his addictions have caused. It's so easy to focus on the good things in the relationship when we miss them, but try to remember the unhappiness too. You will survive and will probably be better off without him if he doesn't change.

October 30, 2004
1:07 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Jul: Haven't seen you around for a while. What's the name of the book? SD

November 9, 2005
3:39 pm
Avatar
I amhurt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
November 9, 2005
3:59 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes you are hurt. I am sorry you are hurting. My husband was addicted to cocain when I was married to him. I kept asking myself, why did he keep picking that over us. Oh I was so hurt. You don't deserve this. I know how it feels. I hope he can get help. But you need to help yourself too. Take care of yourself.

November 9, 2005
4:16 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I amhurt,

Unfortunately, if your husband is addicted to gambling and cocaine that is going to come first all of the time unless he goes for help. The prognosis of having a healthy relationship wiith an active addict is very poor. You can look forward to lots suffering and crying and hurt feelings when he disapoints you and lets you down time and time again.

I know, my father was an alcoholic the whole time I was growing up.

I would insist that he go for help or I am leaving and mean it. He may need a wake up call. There's still no guarentee that he will go for help and if he does there's no guarentee he will maintain his soberity from gambling and cocaine.

You don't deserve to spend years crying and hoping things will change.
You deserve to have a happy, stable loving relationship where you come first.

You might try attending 12 step meetings for partners of gambing and drug addictions to help you take care of yourself in addition to coming here.

November 9, 2005
10:05 pm
Avatar
mystified
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Iamhurt,

I feel your pain, i feel every little bit of that pain, even the pain when you go to sleep exhausted after a long day and you come home to either an empty house or an empty soul....yep i feel that too.

The first thing is that you have to give ultimatums that you are fed up with this selfish crap. Tell him you don't know where your heading and don't even see the light at the end of the tunnel for a bright future. Now he probably won't show empathy or even look you in the eyes to see your pain, and he will begin to divert your pain and feelings to all the BAD things you have done to him....don't fall for that sh..

B strong, but be sure. You need to feel really ready that your going to be strong without him if you ask him to leave. If he is genuine about getting help don't reject him for that but you will know how serious he is via his reaction. You have to be serious and stick to it.

If you fear that he may never come back, then he just showed you what a bright future your going to have without him. It's tough i know.

If you need someone to talk to and keep you strong we are all here for you.

Goodluck

November 10, 2005
7:21 pm
Avatar
I amhurt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
November 10, 2005
7:24 pm
Avatar
mystified
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know you are hurt and you didn't ask for this?.

Whats the latest.....

Mysti

November 10, 2005
7:42 pm
Avatar
I amhurt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
November 11, 2005
1:28 pm
Avatar
I amhurt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
November 11, 2005
4:50 pm
Avatar
I amhurt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
November 11, 2005
5:54 pm
Avatar
I amhurt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
November 11, 2005
7:50 pm
Avatar
I amhurt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
November 14, 2005
3:16 pm
Avatar
I amhurt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
November 14, 2005
6:03 pm
Avatar
I amhurt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
November 17, 2005
4:50 pm
Avatar
I amhurt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
November 17, 2005
5:47 pm
Avatar
addicts wife
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Iamhurt,
your posts aren't coming up. soIm not sure what you need or are looking for??

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111137
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
alpino12, Warnisses, degastro, kojuyu, NathanielClark, avoid_up
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information