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Hurting today
October 12, 2006
6:07 am
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kasie919
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Good Morning ARMYANGEL:

It was ggod to come on and see that you were feeling better..

I know this road is hard, and it is very scry, trust me, im right there right now, its by far not over for me yet..

But I am dealing with this in many ways, here at AAC, with my therapist, and at church.Once I got out I got very involved in the church.Even if you dont join a support group, they have all inds of things to get your mind off the fear.

Im worried about you, but I know you have broken part of the cycle, you opened up, at least to us here, and you may not think you have made a step, but you have..

I will try and post some later on, when i get to work..

Take care my cyber sister...
you are in my thoughts and prayers...

Love Kasie

October 12, 2006
9:46 am
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lovinglife
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Hi Army~

I can't really add anything to what’s been said on this thread other than...are these people not just the most wonderful-est?! (Is that even a word?!)… Since finding this site myself a few months back, I never believed that my sitz had hope, I never believed that I had hope, but each day I continue to grow, continue to get stronger and continue to see/feel the hope and now actually look forward to what my future has in store.

There is hope, there is an end to your nightmare and its coming.

LL

October 12, 2006
9:54 am
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lovinglife
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Had something in your first post flash in front of me as if I wrote it myself... something I USED to feel inside daily, and USED to say..."Why am I such a stupid, hopeless, worthless person." I don't feel it anymore nor do I say it.

Just thought I'd pass that along... you'll be there too my friend : )

October 12, 2006
10:46 am
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Army, i am back, the doctors viset went well, my daughter is on the road to recovery.
I left my husband 3 years ago and it has been a struggle for all 4 of us, my 3 kids and me, but we made it, just like Loving, i dont tell myself how worthless i am anymore, my kids now have a higher self esteem, and i feel free, i am nolonger afraid.
the first couple of steps are scarry, but they are worth it, you made the first 2 if you realize it or not, the first one was finding this site and letting us in, the second was picking up the phone, OK, so you didnt call, so what, you tried, next time it will be a little easier, and one of these days you will make that call, just dont beat yourself up for not doing it yet, one day soon you will be able to pick up the phone and call, you might sit there and not say a word, thats OK, because the next time you will be that much closer to the next step, calling doesnt mean you have to go right now, it is just a phone call, i am sure they are used to people calling and hanging up from the fear, its OK...
remember, baby steps, some people can jump in and make leaps, some people need to take it slow, i had to take baby steps until i was ready for the leap.
please let us know how you are today.

Elle

October 12, 2006
10:55 am
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risingfromtheashes
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army - someone else posted that they feel helpless and don't know what to say, so they are reluctant to post.

I have felt the same way - all I can think of is that you need to get out - at all costs. But that's the same thing everyone is saying, so I don't want to be a parrot and repeat it.

I have been following your story - know that I am here, listening and you are in my prayers....sending cyber ((((HUGS)))) and hoping you find a safe harbor to run to soon.

October 12, 2006
11:47 am
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lovinglife
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say Rising...I don't know if you caught it the other night in between the singing, dancing and drinking... but I believe you were the honorable mention - by Army (and missed by all)...

October 12, 2006
11:54 am
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red blonde
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ArmyANGEL

I am proud of you for opening up and for picking up the phone..even if you didn't make any call. Elle is right ...baby steps...

We have got to help you work on your
self-esteem, your h has crushed it.
Try this exercise:

Stand in front of a mirror..Look yourself in the eye and repeat to yourself only positive things about yourself THREE TIMES and OUT LOUD. I know you may feel stupid doing this at first, but it does eventually help. Things you LIKE about yourself, things like: I am a good mother to my children. I am worthy of happiness. I am proud of myself for opening up and letting others know what has been going on with my h. I am getting stronger.

I do it often, especially when I am down or scared. I started saying, (actually 7 times out loud in front of a mirror):

Each and everyday, and in every way,
I am getting better and better, stronger and stronger, happier and happier, and healthier and healthier.

(I don't know if happier is a real word, and actually I don't care.)

Keep posting to the site. We will be there for you.

(((((ARMY*ANGEL*)))))

Red

October 12, 2006
12:16 pm
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StronginHim77
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Dearest Armyleo...

I am so sorry that I completely missed this thread. Posted to you on "Liberation" side, but missed all this thread. My deepest apologies.

Because I am a police chaplain, I called the top brass at the Police Dept. and asked them what would happen, if one of their officer's wives had a situation, similar to yours.

Here was the exact response I received:

He recommended that you (1) go to your local hospital ER WITH your children and have your injuries documented/photographed, etc. The hospital will have a social worker who can help you secure a safe refuge for you & the children, then help you contact your husband's Chief/Commander.

The Chief/Commander will immediately require your husband to surrender his weapon(s) [whatever gun(s) he has been issued by the Department he serves]. He will be put on administrative leave, pending full investigation. Because law enforcement officers must legally comply with high standards of personal conduct, these situations are taken very seriously. They will not "brush over" the situation or take his side, just because he is an officer and you are a civilian. To the contrary, they will support you and endeavor to protect you and the children from further abuse.

I thought you might want to know, straight from the "horse's mouth," what the Chief and his Major recommended. This DOES happen. Officers ARE held highly accountable for such personal, criminal behavior against their own loved ones.

The hospital and social services staff will help you and the children find SECURE shelter from him. You will be SAFE and provided for. And your husband will finally get the help he needs. Once abuse is exposed to the light, it stops. But I know that breaking the silence is hard.

I was engaged to be married to a retired policeman last year. Eventually, his abusive side came out. At first, I hid it from everyone...even my sons and my friends at church, etc. I was so ashamed to let anyone know because -- somehow -- I still did not want to leave him. I was afraid to leave him. And I loved him. This is impossible to explain to anyone who has never been abused. They always ask, "why doesn't she just leave?" Well, it isn't that simple. Leaving is frightening. Exposing them feels like such a betrayal. And it is so final. Everything in me hoped (against hope) that he would stop...get better...treat me better. Although I knew in my heart it would only get worse (and it did), I just could not leave him until this past June.

I still see him online at times. Just seeing his car, parked in a parking lot causes me to feel both a stab of fear and a stab of grief because I both feared and loved him. Well, I thought I loved him. After alot of therapy, I am learning that I associated that pain with love. And I am in a slow process of recovery and learning about what "love" really is. I am not making excuses for his behavior anymore. And I am not taking responsibility for his behavior, either. It was abuse.

But I understand how trapped and frightened you feel. I just wanted to share my own story with you, to let you know that a better life is possible...escape and safety await you and the children...loving people care, will believe you and will protect you from him and the authorities over him will help YOU, not him.

God bless you and bring you comfort and strength today.

- Strong

October 12, 2006
12:55 pm
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red blonde
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Stong

Why do we always seem like we have to protect our abusers?

I worked with Battered Women's groups back in the early 90's and learned much but not all. Also helped get some Human Rights Bills put before Congress and passed. Should have stayed with them! As soon as I am okay financially and emotionally, I plan to join the CASA group in my area. Maybe my experiences will help more on a one to one basis, I certainly hope so. And I could use help as well.

Thank you for telling Army*ANGEL*
what you found out and what you went through.

I am deeply concerned for her.

Army*ANGEL*, PLEASE post when you can and give everyone updates! And take what Strong said to heart.

((((((((((Army*ANGEL*))))))))))

Red

October 12, 2006
2:11 pm
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smarterone
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armyangel
read everything, got sicker with each word,. Been there, i didnt leave, he went to prison for drugs, i still visited out of FEAR. Even though he was behind bars. Now i am gone. My kids werent his, but he left us scarred, like my father did to me and my mother. Im going to say this: Your kids are already affected. Take the advice from the Police Chaplain. If not for yourself do it for those kids, who didnt ask for this. Go now.

October 12, 2006
3:09 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Army,

Where are you, and how are you? It is well into the day and not one word from you....Did you decide to go on this journey with me? I hope you are ok...Please check in as soon as you get the chance...

Love and many, many (((hugs)))

Scared

October 12, 2006
4:58 pm
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armyleo
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He took me to a little clinic, took pics hairline fracture,, i'm okay i guess - he explained me away

in bed all day I don't want to face anyone

hate emyself because I was so close, but couldn't do it.

I don't know if i will keep posting I feel like I failed, embarassed, ashamed,..

he took the girls to school, then his mom will pick them up.

October 12, 2006
5:00 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Army...

Honey I am so glad that you are here. Please talkto us...

October 18, 2006
8:20 pm
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kirikiri
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Gal,

I see alot of caring people here for you.all who have begged you to leave for your sake as well as your children's...
I pray that you make the right decision,Army. If you cant do it for yourself then for God's sake do it for your children.Give them a childhood they can reflect and smile about.
LEAVE.it's that simple.
If you can't leave, then all your friends here would have wasted their time. We are here for you.
LEAVE.it's so simple.

October 18, 2006
8:31 pm
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kasie919
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kiri:

i dont know you, just seen you start posting today,,

but I have to say,

Its not simple, and its not something if you havent lived you can just deal with, this is a painful, past, present and future, if you have not lived by walking in those shoes, please refrain from it being that simple,

No one gets dissapointed by anyones choices here,

we are here to help and share our lives, some of us have made it, and others are still struggling,

so please, dont mock or even try to insinuate something you have no knowledge about...

thank you...

Kasie

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