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Hurting today
October 11, 2006
2:25 pm
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armyleo
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What the hell was I thinking... You guys proably think I'm crazy?

I didn't know what to do it was all too much to handle yesterday, then when the cell phones were disconnected, I got sooo scared I didn't know what to do..

Why am I such a stupid, hopeless, worthless person. I thought I could handle it better if I had a drink, I forgot about my problems during the day, I actually smiled for a bit.

H came home, I guess he noticed I was drinking, I didn't weant him to hurt me, I told him as soon as i could I would pay the bill, he had a beer, and seemed nice. the oldest was at a friends house, she was working on homework, said she would spend the night.

The little one was sick with a cold. She spent most of the day in the room, or on the couch with me.

I wasn't going to write because I feel so hopeless, I hurt and I'm in pain both emotionally and physically. Please don't think I'm a horrible person you guys ar e the only onces I can call on. I've never had friedns beforel. He doesn't let me.

What set him off is the mortgage co. called we paid part of the 2nd loan but not all of it. Why do they have to call!!!! it went down hill from there.

I feel so ugly now, he hurt me again, he did it again, my God why would he do that. It wasn't as bad as last time, but I told me no I told hime to stop, it hurt. I just want to disappear, he told me how worthless, I am ca't control finance etc. I know I'm a piece of crap... But I tried I tried real hard, I can't cope with it.

When he was blocking me I tried, I wanted to scream, but Icouldn't I didn't want to scare my littl,e one, She was asleep and her sister wasn't home. I have a few bruises. he wouldn't stop and then he he,

Why does God let this happen???

I've always tried hard to be good, to hime and the kids. But I don't know why he does this.

I feel so dirty now. I wanted him to leave me alone but he wouldn't. He says if I would only do what he asks things wouldn't happen. But I do ido, i try real hard. Believe me I

October 11, 2006
2:31 pm
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mj
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No one has the right to hurt you physically. You do not deserve this.

No matter what mistakes you make you do not have to accept this physical abuse. Please get yourself help at a domestic violence place. You do not have to be treated this way. You are being abused.

October 11, 2006
2:33 pm
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i am glad you are back, we were all worried about you, nobody is going to judge you here, dont feel like you cant talk to us, we are all here to help eachother,
i think you are doing a great job keeping the finances in order with the little money you have, it is hard to steel from peter to pay paul, i have done that many times, i pay one bill one month and the other the next month, there is no other choice.
you are a strong woman,

October 11, 2006
2:34 pm
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mj
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http://www.ndvh.org/

Here is a link to help you. Please call

October 11, 2006
2:38 pm
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mj
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((((((((armyleo))))))))))))))

You do not deserve this.

Please know that you are important and that you matter.

October 11, 2006
2:44 pm
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mj
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I copied and pasted some information from that site. Abuse doesn't have to be just physical.

How is your relationship?
Does your partner:
Embarrass you with put-downs?

Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?

Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?

Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?

Make all of the decisions?

Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?

Prevent you from working or attending school?

Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?

Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?

Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?

Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?

Force you to try and drop charges?

Threaten to commit suicide?

Threaten to kill you?

October 11, 2006
2:47 pm
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doubleloss
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army, sweet woman, please please contact a domestic violence hot line. I feel helpless. the hotlines are serviced by trained pe0ple that would be able to help you or hear you out. Please do that, for yourself and for your daughters. At least you'll be able to hear a voice, and i'm sure that will help too.

October 11, 2006
2:53 pm
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bevdee
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Army

You need to get out of there.

Bevdee

October 11, 2006
3:03 pm
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caraway
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Army,

What did he do to you? Are you a military spouse? If so, there is help available to you.

You are not worthless because you don't manage money well or for any other reason.

Cary

October 11, 2006
3:30 pm
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armyleo
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I'm back I can't read, just yet because I can't stop crying, I tried to sleep but i can't... I took some asprin to stop the pain,

I cana't think now but he scares me. My arm really hurts right now.

I tried real hard, I just want to curl up in a ball and disappeear.

He didn't listen to me...damnit why didn't he listen to me

I couldn;'t go to work, ...He just left, I want to sleep forever..

October 11, 2006
3:44 pm
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armyleo
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I want to be loved.

Maybe if I were smarter and whittier he would love me. I'm ugly maybe that's why no one loves me. I want to be those couples that go out together..

I'm to blame, I can't keep the house running, like he wants. I could't pay the bill son time.

October 11, 2006
4:22 pm
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armyleo
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He knows when to stop, I wanted him to keep going... I wanted him to end it for me. Why dind't he just do it....

My mind is all in a jumbles, my thoughts are jumbled.

I'm going to hide, I want to hide,

October 11, 2006
4:28 pm
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i remember being where you are, wanting him to end it, have you called the domestic violence hotline? it is a step, dont focus on anything but making that first step, take a breath and call, when the call is over come back and we can help you with your next step.
baby steps, one at a time. there is no harm in calling, it is just a phone call.

October 11, 2006
4:59 pm
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armyleo
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Kassie, mama or free, gg LL Elle, stronginhim, anyone.

Someone gave me a hotline# to call. I can't find it.

Sometimes, I wish I could just talk to someone here direcctly.

My situation isn't as easy as it sounds, to get out. I'm in a sort of unique situation becauese of my H.

I don't know how many people are here, or how much to say. Although I want and feel, safer saying stuff to you guys than, a real person.

October 11, 2006
5:05 pm
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armyleo
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Kassie -

are you there I so desperatly need you to post something, I'm having a melt down, I can't stop crying.

Are you okay I haven't seen a post since yesterday, and you weren't doing well.

October 11, 2006
5:07 pm
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armyleo
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Elle,

don't hate me but i'm petrefied to call. I'm trying to find the # so maybe that's a step.

I need you to not give up on me. please

October 11, 2006
5:11 pm
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i am not going to give up on you, i am still here for about an hour, i will try to find everyone else for you, maybe they dont know you are back.

October 11, 2006
5:16 pm
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i will try to find a number for you, i will be back.

October 11, 2006
5:19 pm
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i found a website and phone number for you, please call.
let us know how it goes.

National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787 ...24-Hour Access from all 50 states. Translators available.
http://www.ndvh.org/ - 15k - Cached - Similar pages

or you can google Domestic Violence and it will bring up a bunch of other websites too.

October 11, 2006
5:27 pm
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kasie919
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army u here??

Im sorry ive let you down, Im at work honey please be ok,im gonna go find the posts for you be right back

October 11, 2006
5:31 pm
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kasie919
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kasie919
9-Oct-06

Hey Army:

HOpe you dont think Im being to pushy, I just feel for you, I want you to be safe, as well as your kids,

Please visit these links, especially the first one, GIRL!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

It is self help, read as you can learn how to be safe, both online and at home...

There are many many areas of CA so im not sure where you are but one of these can lead you in the right direction..

Im here if you feel like talking..

Love Kasie

http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/se.....ection/dv/

http://www.4women.gov/violence/state

da.co.la.ca.us/domv.htm

Laura's House: Orange County, CA A shelter for Women and Children. South Orange County California: 24 Hour Hotline (949) 498-1511 Business Line (949) 498-1445 E-mail: [email protected]

The Sparrow Foundation: Colton, CA To provide a loving, safe Christ-filled home that meets the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of women and their children who have been victims of domestic violence. To use all means necessary to assure a safe environment for the resident women and children. To provide abused women with medical help and vocational training. To help abused women and their children with emotional and spiritual healing through individual love care, counseling and prayer. To reach out separately to the abusive man and offer alcohol and drug dependency recovery and counseling with the goal of restoring families. Phone: (909)783-8103 The Sparrow Foundation P.O. Box 2253 Colton, CA 92324

kasie919

October 11, 2006
5:32 pm
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Army, i am here for another 20 minutes, i have to take my daughter to her psycologist. please talk to us, did you call? Please hang in there, we are here to help.

October 11, 2006
5:33 pm
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kasie919
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Army im sorry iim about to go h9ome I will check in after i get my son,

please call, the police, call a hotline please please dont do this to your girls..

please

October 11, 2006
5:39 pm
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armyleo
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I'm here in and out of bed,

I've been throwing up all day, my body hurts, my head is a jumbled mess.

When he called me a little after he left, I told him I was sick, not feeling well. He said I just wanted attention. That's not true, I've been quiet all these years. I don't complain.

and I just startedd on the boards ~ a week ago. It's not true is it. Finally being able to talk is not wawnating atttention is it?

October 11, 2006
5:49 pm
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getting on the boards was a good thing, you did the right thing, it doesnt mean you want attention, it means you need help, a friend or a bunch of friends.
people get sick, heck, i was sick thsi weekend, i didnt get sick because i wanted attention, my body just got sick.

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