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Hurting today...not sure why at nearly 3 months of NC [StrongInHim]
September 7, 2006
9:42 am
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risingfromtheashes
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and one more thing.

given your background, it wouldn't hurt to ask your higher power what path he wants you to take and ask him for the courage and strength to do this.

I know that when I am scared, the best thing I can do is pray for peace and serenity and guidance and strength to see it thru.

I'm sure you probably already thought of this, but thought I would throw it out and see if other's can benefit from it too.

September 7, 2006
9:58 am
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StronginHim77
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I am humbled and strengthened by the outpouring of encouragement and kindness on this thread. All of you have helped me through a tough stretch. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

- StrongInHim

P.S. I will keep all of you posted on how things turn out when I go dancing.

September 7, 2006
10:06 am
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risingfromtheashes
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made me think of the show "how do I look?"...frequently they do makeovers for ladies who have a big upcoming event, like a reunion or something and need to be brought out of a fashion rut.

Last night, the lady had a 10 year reunion, and was all frumpy and refused to cut her hair cuz of childhood "stuff" mom caused.

Anyway, she got all primped, had her hair done, new makeup and a very pretty dress and wowzers....she looked marvelous.

so, maybe it's time to get out that special knock them dead dress, your best dancing shoes and an update "do" and some fresh new makeup....and show him what you are made of!!!! you will glow, no matter what you wear, but we always feel so much more confident when we feel like we look a million bucks!

September 7, 2006
10:21 am
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feelingfree
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Well said, Rising!!!

September 7, 2006
11:27 am
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tryin2smile
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I am so glad you reblocked him! Have fun dancing!

September 7, 2006
2:32 pm
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StronginHim77
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rising -

You are right. Reclaiming our "turf" is very important with these people...these controlling types. I am sure there is nothing my "ex" would enjoy more than believing he has successfully intimidated me and bullied me, making me afraid to return to my favorite dancing spot because he might be there.

I know in my heart that the REVERSE is true. HE is filled with fear. If not, he would not need to be so controlling & bully others. I believe that he will be the scared one, if I show up and reclaim my rightful place at that dance spot.

So, I am going to do it. This weekend. I mean it.

Thanks for the wise words.

- Strong

September 7, 2006
2:39 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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well, his fear is what drives him to do it, his desire to know that he is winning is what drives him to do it, and if he senses he is winning, then he feels BIGGER/BETTER - and that makes him feel better about himself, and gives him some sense of satisfaction and self worth.

we all know that being a bully is NOT something to be proud of.....but these people think that having other people afraid of you is something to be proud of.

But we ALL know that bullies have HUGE self esteem problems....and that's what drives them to be bullies....to make cover for their lack of self esteem....just like class clowns use humor to cover their low self worth.

You know you are bigger, better, smarter and stronger.....and you don't have to prove it to anyone.

walk in, walk proud and dance the night away.....know you are a beautiful woman and should not waste your time a prisoner in your own home because the bully is circling on your turf.

September 7, 2006
3:12 pm
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whidbey
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Just popping in, Strong.

Hang in there. Believe it or not, after months and months of no contact, save for an occasional visit to his web site (he's getting FAT!! After all those snide comments he made to me about my weight, karma is a bitch, huh bubba? lol ), I can still have those "days." Once, just last month, I was driving down to the Seattle area to visit a friend. Suddenly, I got SLAMMED with the feeling that I just wanted to pick up my cell phone, call him, and tell him I would be on the next plane to LA. ???? I can't even begin to explain how hard I had to fight myself NOT to do that. It came right out of the blue, probably triggered by the fact that a year ago, I was on that same freeway, on my way down to take care of him after his accident.

I think you are right; it's the loneliness that gets us the most. Those long, phone-ringing-free nights where all we hear are our own thoughts, and sometimes those self-doubts can rear their ugly heads.

I can't add anything more than what the wonderful people above have said as far as filling up your time, etc., but just know that this is very normal, and expect to have moments like these in the months to come. Bummer, huh? However, knowing that they will come and to expect them takes some of the edge off. You will then know that there is light at the end of that little tunnel, and you'll once again come out into that brilliant sunlight, the light that is so healing; the light we rarely, if ever, saw in the relationship with the ex, being constantly in a fog.

You've helped a lot of people here, Strong, so be good to yourself too. When these feelings hit, I have found that if I give myself a certain time period to just "go with them," let them happen and feel them to the utmost and not fight it, I come out of it much more quickly.

Life is about 99.9% good for me now, almost one year post N. I never thought I would get here sometimes, but here I am, nonetheless, sometimes in spite of myself! lol

Big hugs to you, Strong. You deserve them.

September 7, 2006
4:11 pm
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wish2Bfree
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Strong,

I am new here and have been reading your threads for several months. I have gotten great strength from you. I am very proud of your 3 months and hope that I too can reclaim "my turf" in time as well.

September 7, 2006
4:46 pm
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cloud nine
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hi strong
we all had bad days and good days, Im sorry that you are hurting but one day you will think ,

what was I thinking off? why put so much effort into this jerk.

i m out of sorts, phone exb , arranged to meet him tomorrow because I enjoy his company even though I know it s probably a bad idea, he said
are you sure? you do sound fragile
and I dont want to increase it. Sometimes I worry about you? he said.

oh no im fine , i lied , just want to chat and go for a drink.

i actually ended the relationship with him recently because i was fed up of his attachment with his ex and the fact that he is emotionally retarded...

i think im going slightly crazy tonight, the full moon doesnt help and still think im idiot for calling but he never says no to me . so i thought it wd be nice maybe to use him the same way he uses me , but am i kidding myself?
i said to him that i know we are friends but

are we ? or he just wants the cake
ant im willing to be there because its better than spending friday at home ...

anyway it s a relief that Im not the only one ...

what do i do ?

September 7, 2006
5:46 pm
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doubleloss
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hi strong, how are you feeling today? i see that you are going dancing on the weekend! have a ton of fun, and get all prettied up, the power of nice clothes, good make up and great hair, us women shuold never underestimate them!

September 7, 2006
5:58 pm
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StronginHim77
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wish2Bfree -

I don't recall seeing you on any of these threads before, but I am very glad to meet you and thank you for your kindness in what you posted to me. Your words were very encouraging.

- Strong

September 7, 2006
6:04 pm
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Anonymous
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(((strong))) be strong

You dont have to be more than anyone...

just be yourself!

September 8, 2006
3:11 pm
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StronginHim77
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Well, guys...I blew "No contact." See the "No contact - Revelations" thread.

Back to Day #1, but at least I feel peaceful again.

- Strong

September 8, 2006
9:51 pm
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Hey, How are you doing?

StronginHim?

It was so neat (there I am dating myself again, using the word 'neat') when you started this thread with a close one. To me some men are drive by, emotional assasins, other take their time ... yet give me a good lover anytime!

I do celebrate the good and am gratful. And your two hobbies, shooting guns and ballroom dancing! What a combo. You go girl!

littlespirit

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