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Hurting myself and feeling really bad...from Becca
November 4, 2002
7:14 am
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BeccaUK
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Hey guys...sorry I haven't been around for a while...I am kinda in a bad place. It is Autumn here and my ME has really reacted badly to the shorter days, cold weather ect. I am sleeping about 15-20 hours a day and if i try to stay awake i just go to sleep anyway. I ache all over, my joints are all flared up, i have a permanent cold and i am catching other stuff really easy because my immune system is down. My depression has doubled, I have started self harming again, I have been suicidal. I dont know if i am gonna get through this. I am seeing the college today to try to get female counsellor. I am seeing my doctor again on wednesday. I just feel so alone and miserable. I am supposed to be having the best years of my life at uni, yet every year sucks even more than the last.
Becca xx

November 4, 2002
7:24 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Hi Becca.I have thinking about where you have been.I feel for you.I have to go now-I only popped in for a quick look,I have school,so I will write more later.Jst to let u I am thinking of you,I can sympathise.I feel like got damn shit.

Talk later,Tink

November 4, 2002
12:16 pm
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BeccaUK
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(((((((((((hug))))))))))

thanks Tink xxxx

November 4, 2002
12:50 pm
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Tinkerbe11
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Ok,I'm bk now.I can talk.

First of all.Becca,you will get through this.I'll make sure of it,if I have to write to you everyday,I will-not that its a chore to write!I duno if this will help, but in the guidelines it says to write baout self.I too saw my doc a few weeks ago,but didn't help too much.He asked my therapist what she thought of me seeing a psychiatrist,but her being so disorganised,hasn't got round to speaking to my doctor.She's a pain in the butt.All I say is tell your doctor everything you feel.I told my doctor,and that got A ball rolling-see the use of A.My therapist don't give a damn.Some people I know won't reach out for help,but when I eventually accept I need help,she doesn't.I too sat here and contemplated finishing it all,but at the end of the day I don't know if I could.Be brave darling.

Did you get onto the college about a female counsellor? Let me know how it goes.

*Hugz*

Love,Tink

November 5, 2002
6:31 am
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BeccaUK
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*hugz* to ya tink xxxx

been to see college ect. i have an appointment for a female couselor on Weds as well as a doctors apt. the counsellors were really cool about me chenging to a lasy and my lecturers have been really good ... so that is a bit off of my mind.

i am having trouble with alcohol too...i am drinking way too much and i am scared it is gonna get out of hand...i use it to stop me s/h-ing and it works, but leaves me feeling worse afterwards....

any advice out there?

lots of love

Becca xxx

November 5, 2002
8:49 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Thats so good to hear you have an appt with a female counsellor on wednesday.Pleased for ya.Let us know how it goes too.

I don't know much about alcohol,and I have haven't really used it to get away from S.I, so i guess it not right for me to say anything aout this.Just that is there any other way you can find to stop S.H apart from alcohol?

Love to ya Becca,Tink

November 5, 2002
12:09 pm
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BeccaUK
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I also tend to take strong painkillers to knock me out if it gets too bad.

Just so fed up

xxx

November 5, 2002
7:30 pm
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BeccaUK
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Back home after mnight out , pissed and fed up an d jus tpised off withn whole wide world in geneeral.

Becca xx

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