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Hurting friendships-need advice please
June 12, 2006
11:58 pm
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Careverymuch
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ggfred4,

I will wait another 10 minutes or so and I have to call it quits. I have an early appointment tomorrow, so if you post again after this, I will read it tomorrow and talk to you again...if that is what you would like to do?

June 13, 2006
1:22 am
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ggfred4
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Probably smother her; tend to do that; I just get so happy when someone pays attention and is caring.

June 13, 2006
3:33 am
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camra
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the one thing I have to say about this. Friends don't treat friends this way. A real friend would not of ever left you alone when you were feeling this way, they would of stayed with you through the whole thing.

Thats the way a real friend would act.

camra

June 13, 2006
12:35 pm
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2findpeece
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hi ggfred4,

I just found this site and saw this thread. I'm trying to deal with this kind of situation also. I've just recently been aware of the way people "suss" me out sometimes and I think that they are sharing their own stories starting a friendship. Then I lower all barriers and share too much. Sometimes it takes a while if it's a particular kind of person and their own *button gets pushed they use my info. and insecurities to blast me. I guess that it is some peoples way to control and my way is to hide when attacked verbally. Learning boundries is so hard... I might just get that book you were talking about. How is it?

June 13, 2006
1:52 pm
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ggfred4
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Thanks 2findpeece,
The way you explained how your friendships began is very similar to mine. I too must learn boundaries. I am new at all this. In the last few months, I just started sharing, then rejection, then counseling, and now reading and this online site. I am not sure about the book yet. I must learn my boundaries and how to improve my self esteem. I was about to give up last week, but finding this site is helping. I can't believe there are caring people. I had begun to believe that people didn't really care. I was so excited to see that Sew, Care, and you responded. Even though you don't know me, it was such a good feeling to know that someone took the time to answer me. Thanks...

June 13, 2006
8:35 pm
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Careverymuch
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Hi GGfred,

I have to agree with Camra that the people who you thought were your friends at work really are not. When I went through my situation, I decided that these people really were not my friends and I decided I didn't want to be friends with them after the way they treated me. The realization of this in itself does hurt very much, but I got over it. I hope you will realize that too and keep things light with your new friend at work while you work through this. Anyway, working again tonight for about an hour and a half, I will check back. By the way, how are you doing today? Let me know if you want.

Care

June 14, 2006
12:14 am
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ggfred4
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CARE,
I am doing much better today mainly due the answers I received yesterday. The people who are not really my friends; I still want them to be. Why?, I don't know. My new friend, I am going to try and keep it light like you suggested. She is the nicest of them all. Thanks again for caring...that is a wonderful feeling...

June 14, 2006
12:29 am
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tinkrbell
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gg

It's hard to really find people to put in your life that really care about you. I have friends that I have had for over 20 years. We are close today as we ever were, but I know what you've been thru and it ain't nice. Hang in there.

tink

June 14, 2006
3:36 am
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2findpeece
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ggfred4,

If your a visual person at all then maybe this will help with boundries.
A friend of mine just shared it with me.
Imagaine that you live in a castle...see the wall around it, the grassland inside the wall, the moat, the drawbridge.
Then you see the inner courtyard,then inside the castle.
Inside the castle there is a meeting room,and dining room...whatever you want there to be.
But upstairs there are places where you rest...where it is comfortable and relaxed.
Then see stairs to a tower...you can imagine it locked or hidden or whatever. The steps can wind their way all the way to a special tower.
My friend said that some people never make it past the "garden wall "of her heart then some she lets in to the meeting room but they may or may not be let back in. You may only let 2 or 3 people in to the relax area in yor lifetime which I think might be *normal?
It's also not a stagate thing but alway moving. People change and grow and we change and grow. But almost never do we let people in the tower...I think that it's healthy to have a space just for ourselves to repair and connect with higher thoughts untainted by other peoples views and thoughts.
Anyway it works for her and I've only just started to try this imagery. Hope it helps...I'll let you know if it does for me. take care
2findpeece

June 14, 2006
12:18 pm
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ggfred4
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What a wonderful imagery. It makes sense. I will try it too. It bothers me so much if people reject or abandon me, but especially if they are mad or annoyed at me. I am having a hard time getting over this situation. Guess I should have left the tower door close. Gotta work on that. Thanks again for the help.

June 14, 2006
12:55 pm
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jt05tappb
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The fact that your friends cut you off when you needed help, thats not a good friendship, and doesnt sound very balanced.

Its a bit imature to cut some one off anyway isnt it?!

X*x*X Jt X*x*X

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