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HUGE RED FLAG!!!
May 16, 2006
9:32 am
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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It's good ol P.O'd again....this time with a new wrinkle in my life I just have to get out.This morning,as usual,I turned this comp on,and was surprised that I was propositioned by a website discussing what is cheating and what is not cheating,and if it is,how is the easiest way to divorce someone.MY HUSBAND was the one who visited this site this morning before I woke.He knows that I have openly discussed that I feel cheated on by his frequent visits to personals sites and chat rooms,and that I am now intolerant of this behavior.And he visits a site that not only tells him the same thing I have been telling him for YEARS,but the links on the site that he visited also were "how to cheat without getting caught",and "support for cheaters".It sure seems like he's looking to strengthen an argument for his infidelity rather than looking to stop,doesn't it?I will be damned if he thinks he's gonna divorce me in support of the claim that he does not cheat,just browses,and that I am the crazy one!What's my next move?Anyone?

May 16, 2006
11:02 am
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taj64
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September 30, 2010
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I think in a situation like this it doesn't matter what your reason to file in getting divorced, file irreconcilible (sp?) differences, or whatever to get out. You're not crazy. He is disrespectful. It is so sad for you to live with him this way. Can you separate from this cruel man? if money is a problem, you can write your own separation agreement and have it notorized. I did it that way in my state. You deserve so much better POD.

May 16, 2006
12:29 pm
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nopityparty
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sounds like a long story with many frustrations and hurt feelings. I'm sorry you and him have to be so silent about what is really going on. All I can say is remove the fear and maybe you'll get some honest answers. After that, there's a chance you can work on it.

May 16, 2006
1:49 pm
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Shaney
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There are SO many different ways to view one situation, some right, some wrong, and some with a lot of gray area. All of these different views and opinions, mixed with all the feelings, is enough to make anyone feel crazy, or doubt themselves. I think we've all been there - I know I have. Just keep in mind that you KNOW what good treatment and bad treatment is - your gut and your heart tell you that. If it feels bad, then it is - and that is nothing to feel crazy about. He seems to be looking for ways to justify his inappropriate behaviour. I don't get these guys. His efforts could be much better spent, trying to CORRECT the situation - instead he's wasting all of that time and effort attempting to justify it. I just don't get it. If I did something wrong (and I'm sure you could probably get this) that hurt my husband, I would figure out a way to not do it anymore! It seems simple to me, but apparently that's not the case with many. Regardless, I'm sorry you have to deal with this sort of thing. Stand your ground - you're not crazy.

May 16, 2006
2:17 pm
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Anonymous
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NoPityParty,you are absolutely right in what you said about removing the fear and getting honest answers.He was just home for a break,and I said that there was a pop up concerning personal ads and that there was a pop up concerning divorce.Turns out,and I already knew this,we have been having problems with anti-spy ware on this computer since last week,and this particular spyware got planted here.He showed me on the computer where it is,and where it probably came from,and I know that even though he recieved the same props this morning,that he knows nothing about planning to divorce me or hooking up with the women from that site.Now I'm not stupid,he visited the site before,browsing the pictures under a phony profile,but has no membership to the site,which is required to hook up with them.It doesn't make it better,but now I believe I know what happened with this situation.
As for other situations,yes,he can be cruel.He has it in his head that talking to women,or chatting online with them is not cheating because there is no sexual contact.Well,of course there isn't right away!!!They have to meet you to sleep with you!!But,talking to them or chatting with them leads to cheating.He believes that he has control of this,and that he knows when to stop...he just has control over the whole shebang.I am demanding the respect I deserve.I deserve it as a wife,as the mother of his children,and as a woman in general.

May 16, 2006
3:06 pm
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caraway
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September 24, 2010
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P.O'd,

The truth is that you will probably never be able to trust in this situation.

You do deserve more. Consider your options carefully and don't react in haste.

Cary

May 17, 2006
9:55 am
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Anonymous
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Thank you Cary.I have had a real eye opener because of this site.I know I cannot trust my husband,and without trust,we will eventually part ways.I have been dealing and struggling with this marriage for more than 11 years,hasty reactions is not my strong suit.Stewing and crying myself to sleep have been my coping mechanism.
Yesterday,I watched a TV show,which I am not sure if we are allowed to mention names,so I won't...that talked about a wife who had a sexist,chauvinist pig for a husband.He believed a woman was not equal to a man,and that when he said jump,the wife should ask how high and how long should I stay airborne.He could do or have anything he wanted,and she was just to take orders.I feel in a roundabout way that this is how I have lived in one form or another.I have lived thru insults of my housekeeping,child rearing,even personal appearance,all with tears in my eyes,and a smile on my face...while he was on the sofa with a beer in his hand,doing NOTHING.My hubby has apologized for doing this before,but it comes out every once in a while.He(believe it or not)watched this with me yesterday,and asked me if he ever had gone to the extremes that this man had.I told him the truth,yes he had.He once again apologized and tried to promise me that he would be more understanding of all the activities involved with being a stay at home mom.
I just don't care anymore if he values what I do around here anymore.He can bluster from here to eternity about how this is one of the many reasons why men cheat,or divorce,or whatever....I don't care.I am me,I am not a hooker,I am not a doormat,and I am no longer the wife who turns a blind eye to my philandering husband becuse I feel I did something wrong.I didn't do anything wrong,just not to his standards.I am sick and tired of clawing my way up cement walls and having someone step on my fingers when I get to the top.He knows this,and I believe with time,he also knows that we are not gonna make it at this rate.
He laughed at the man on TV yesterday,saying "I'm glad I am not like that anymore"...which in turn makes me want to laugh,because he IS.He's a mysogynist,a womanizer,and sexist about alot of things.He's just not so verbal about it anymore.

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