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Huge day tommorrow--really needing some support
May 22, 2007
7:28 pm
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loverbee
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September 24, 2010
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Oh My god my mother is so crazy and I don't think I have ever felt as angry as I do right now. I just made a huge mistake and picked up the phone when she was drunk and we fought the whole time. She tried to convince me that she was an alien and that is why I have a positive Rh factor in my blood that is different than both my parents and then kept saying that she as going to contact my father to get a dna test done. When I told her that she wasn't allowed to do that because I was not ready to hear from my dad because he is so abusive and that she would be opening a flood gate of abuse if she did it, then she just kept saying she was going to so I spent the entire conversation yelling at her and telling her that if she called him in one of her drunken stoopers, our relationship would be terminated. I hate her sometimes. I don't know how to save my concience when I am dealing with her and I just want it all to go away. I want her to go away but she just keeps coming back to haunt me.

May 22, 2007
8:12 pm
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loverbee
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YOu know, its funny how I end up taking out all the anger on her and I am so angry but she is so pathetic the way that she cries and tries to tell me how much she has been through that somehow I always end up feeling like crap by the end of it because I feel guilty instead of justified.

May 22, 2007
8:22 pm
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chinita
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((((((((Loverbee))))))))))))))))) have you and her considered finding some help for her drinking problems???

May 22, 2007
8:26 pm
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loverbee
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I have begged her to do that so many times but she won't even admit that she has a problem. On top of being addicted to alcohol, she is addicted to misery as well. Its pathetic. She smokes a pack a day. I hate having to convince her all the time that she is a wonderful mother. I hate it so much. Cause she isn't. But so much of the time I am afraid that she is going to commit suicide or something if I don't convince her and I don't want to give her the satisfaction of feeling guilty for that. I don't get why she hasn't died of liver failure yet considering she has been drinking for 24 years. Maybe its cause shes a wino and maybe its cause she wants to stick around and make my life difficult. But she does and I am. miserable that is.

May 22, 2007
8:55 pm
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fantas
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September 29, 2010
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Loverbee, I think it is okay to disconnect yourself from unhealthy and toxic relationships regardless of who they are. Your mother is a classic addict and she will manipulate your emotions for as long as she can. Do you attend Alanon or CoDA groups? It's really sad how manipulative addicts of any kind are and how easy it is to be sucked into their web of lies. Hang in there, find your strength and stay strong!! Hugs

May 22, 2007
9:28 pm
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loverbee
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September 24, 2010
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I don't know how to not be manipulated by her. I can't take talking to her but I can't take cutting her off. I wish she had stayed in ny forever because when i was nine, she disappeared to ny and stopped calling us. I wish she had stayed. I feel like the only time I can let her have it is when she is drunk. Thats not fair to her or me but I hate that she is so pathetic and guilt ridden when she is sober so that I end up feeling so bad for her. I need help but I don't know who can help me and I just want to move on but sometimes I feel I can't.

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