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How to TRUST
February 5, 2001
2:02 pm
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snickerz
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I am in a relationship right now where I don't trust my fiance. He has not done anything that should cause me to feel this way, but yet I still do. I think it has to do with what has happened to me in the past....friends betraying me, hurting me, and also the rape incident. I'm not worried about him telling me where he's going or with whom. I'm not worried that he's going to cheat on me. But I do worry about sexual things he thinks or sees. I worry that when we're intimate, that he's thinking about some naked women he saw in a movie. I worry I'm not good enough. I went to a psychologist the other night. He told me he thought I was just afraid I was going to lose my fiance. He's right. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him to someone better looking than me. I worry about this all the time. What if he's thinking of someone else. What if he finds someone more attractive than me. It devistates me. He tells me that to him I am the most beautiful person in the world, and for a moment, I feel like it. Then I start to worry again. I think it's because I don't trust what he's saying to me. How can I learn to trust him? Will I ever be able to trust him or is this relationship doomed and should just end it? Any thoughts or ideas would be appreciated....

February 5, 2001
7:45 pm
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Molly
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Get over it, love your self, do you think a dog in heat, thinks about these things?????? Hell no, they do not have words to cloud their behavior, look at actions, trust actions, and trust and believe in you if you do not, why should any one else.You own the power to empower, shed that which does not serve you, and only honor what does. Trust takes time, and you have lots of time.

February 5, 2001
7:54 pm
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gingerleigh
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You know what Snickerz? (And men reading this post, please don't flame me for this because you know on a certain level it is true.) Men are dogs when it comes to sex. There are times when even the most faithful loving guy in the world has a lustful thought of Nicole Kidman.

However.

This does not mean your fiance is going to hop a plane to Hollywood now that Nicole and Tom Cruise are no longer dating. Your fiance loves you and thinks you are beautiful, and you'll just need to take him at face value on this.

February 6, 2001
4:24 pm
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snickerz
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Molly- Do you think you could give me some advice that would be helpful? I know that I have to get over it. I'm not an idiot. What I need to know, is HOW? What can I do to fix this problem? What can I do to learn to trust him and to feel comfortable with him again?

February 6, 2001
7:34 pm
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Alena
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I have 2 things for you to think about.

One, sometimes we create that which we fear the most. You keep up this lack of self-esteem and security and you will sure as sh-t drive him away. That gets to be a real drag after awhile.

Two, you know how many times I've had sex with Sly Stallone, Pierce Brosnan, and more recently Ricky Martin?? I can't even count. My guess is that EVERYONE who has sex with a partner for any length of time eventually envisions someone else in the drivers seat. All of my friends will agree to that, and I don't hang around with a sleazy crowd.

Lighten up on youself. Nobody can tell you how. Just make it a point to get more self-disciplined with your thoughts and fears. Maybe work on your self-esteem so you'll believe it when he says he loves you and you are beautiful. Get a Phil McGraw book, surf the Net for self-help books.

Sounds as though you have the kind of guy alot of women would like to have.

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