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How to trust again!!!
July 24, 2001
4:14 pm
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BRE
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I have been in a relationship with this guy for the past 6 years and we have 2 children together. The past 6 years was awful, he did not give me any respect as his girlfriend and mother of his kids. He went out and cheated on me with another woman and not only that he got a baby. Over the years I was torn by this and have been quite depressed. Although, that does not sum it up. What sums it up is the fact that this girl that he cheated on me with and got the baby with she got pregnant two other times and she claims that he is the father, but he says that he is not the father. I don't know what to think or believe in this matter. But, not only that, he married her saying that his reasoning for doing this was because he was trying to stop her from putting him in child support. On top of that, he was living with me everyday and night, but never lived with her and I did not know that he was married until she ( the other woman) got mad at him for some reason or nother and started to call my house and job saying that she was looking for her husband. I asked him repeatedly about the marriage he said that he was not married. So, I called to see if he had a marriage license and he did. After all of this, he is still married to her. He is saying that he does not have the money to pay a lawyer to get him a divorce, and he is still saying that he has one child with this woman not three. To top all this off, in the process of him being married to someone else and living with me with our children, he was seeing someone else. When I found out about this I got really upset and put him out of my house. He went to live with his mom for a few days then he was not there anymore. He had moved in with this new woman he was seeing. In the process of him living with this person, he was constantly calling me and telling me that he missed us and he wanted to come home and that he was not living with another woman and that he was staying with his uncle sometime and his mom sometime, but when I called to talk to him he was never no where to be found. Reason being was because he was living somewhere else. I got to the point, where I was really hurt by him looking back on all the things that he put me thru. I felt away that I had never felt before. I really think my heart was broken. I was in love with him. It took me sometime to start excepting that he was a lier and a cheater and that I needed to move on. I found me and my kids another place to live so that I could get out of that environment and get somehwere so that I could feel comfortable. Because my old place reminded me of him. After moving, I met this nice guy. We talked alot, watched tv together on the phone and went out with each other a couple of times. We never had sex. Eventhough, we did not, I think this guy really cares for me and wants us to get to no each other even better and become the best of friends. In the process, of me being happy talking to this other person. My kids father found out about the other guy and he was really upset crying and terrified that he had lost me. I did not know what to do or say for that matter. I still cared for him but not in love with him because of all the hurt he caused me in the past. It seems though it is alot worst now than it was when he first moved out. The reason I say that is because he is constantly begging and pleading with me to give him a chance to prove himself to me. On the other hand, I have this guy I just met waiting and wondering what is going on. I told this other guy that I needed some space and time to myself to get my head together. He said that he was ok with it and maybe that was the best thing for me to do. I sound so stupid. I have never felt this way before. I have giving my kids father a chance to prove hisself, but I think that I have feelings for this other guy. I think about him all the time day and night. He still calls me at work to see how I am doing. I just don't know what to say or do. Someone please help me. I think that I care about my kids father but I know that I am not in love with him. The reason I know this is because I use to want him around me all the time and now I don't. I still have that feeling in my heart and mind that he is still cheating or lying to me. I want so much in life but I feel that he is not this person because of all the past things and the other child or children that he has. I don't understand why I can't just say no I am not going thru this anymore and just forget about it. Please help me. I am sorry that I have written a book but I just started typing what was on my mind. Thanks for listening!!!!

July 24, 2001
5:26 pm
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gingerleigh
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Darlin', you got a LOT on your plate right now. Guy #1 sounds like an ass, if you'll pardon my saying so. No matter what you decide to do, I really hope that choice does not involve him. Father of your babies or not, he sound confused and hurtful to other people. He may not mean to do it, but his track record shows that he will do it again and again.

Guy #2 sounds like a really good guy, and has made the offer to be patient and wait. I would suggest keeping things uninvolved, really take some time to sort out in your head what you want and who you are. Sometimes it's so hard to figure that out with the background noise made by a man, no matter how well-meaning his intentions are. You mentioned that you need some space, so take it, from BOTH #1 and #2. Once you are clearheaded, you will know what to do.

July 24, 2001
5:42 pm
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janes
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I agree with Gingerleigh about guy #1...ASS all the way... Imean come on...he finds out YOU have a friend and is crying and carrying on like HE is the one injured when all through the relationship with you he did NOTHING but LIE (married to someone else, with kids AND has an affair while with you!!)

The guy has BALLS to even think about trying to make YOu feel guilty... WASH THAT MAN RIGHT OUTA YOUR HAIR!!!!!!

DO NOT feel a lttle bit bad for him...
the only reason he is feeling bad is because you found him out and now he is no longer in control of you....

If he lied this muchh already he is not going to change without tons of counseling. Personally I don't think he is worth the time.

Guy #2...Be YOU for a while. Take it REALLY slow!!!! If it is gonna work it will work in a year as well as tomorrow.

You need time to heal and find YOU!!

A bit of counseling wouldn't hurt to make sure you are strong in your own self and not rebounding.

Good luck

July 25, 2001
1:11 pm
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Molly
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The only way to learn to trust again is to learn to have faith in your self. Some time alone with out manipulation, with out games, so that you can redevelop balance, and trust your own intuition, and hear your voice. Abuse emotional, physical,verbal, creates confusion, you don't know which is up or down, black or white. Go to DrIrenes page, check it out, see if you recognize anything. Think about the children and what this might do to them, what they are learning, remembering that parents are the primary teachers, Get your space, do it for a year, keep number 2 at the distance previously recommended, and then maybe date him for a few years. Once you get out of the tangeled web your in now, get your head clear, get on track, #2 just might not be so appealing, but then again who knows, but if you don't take care of you, don't expect any one else to, sad but true. The women and men on this site will help you through this, when your sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll
do what you need to do.

July 25, 2001
2:25 pm
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jaloe
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i to have been in a similar situation with a boyfreind who i was seeing for 10 years. i have ason now 8 who also has a step sister that he knows nothing about because his dad as never admitted to me he is the father. He cheated on me several times and evey time i forgave him because i loved him dearly and for my sons sake. after about 4 years of lies and deception i found the courage in myself to realise that i could do better deserved better and was prepared to end our relationship. i was worth more than that. unfotunately people who can lie so easily and decieve the people they say they love never seem to change. maybe u do need space but this friend of yours sounds like a decent man and its always good to have freinds around you. it takes time to realise that things are over because it is scary and the fear of being alone. i am now comfotable with my own space and enjoy my own company i love myself and deserve respect. the constant lies wear you down and you begin to believe that you are not worth anything. that is not true you deserve to be happy. have the courage to do whats best for you.

Take care

July 26, 2001
4:14 pm
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swah
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I agree with the two people above.

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