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How to take charge of life?
May 15, 2006
4:34 pm
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caraway
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Anyone have any ideas? How does one just take charge of their life? Sorry, I guess that I am just feeling out of control today.

It is ridiculos that an educated man can't just "turn this off". I don't understand why I can't just be in control of my life. I have everything to be happy about and can't feel it.

Cary

May 15, 2006
5:33 pm
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codep
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I"m not exactly sure what you mean by "taking charge of your life" I think we all just kind of wing it from day to day. Or atleast thats what I do, I never know whats going to be around the corner the next day but I take it as it comes and realize that some things I have no control over. I would start with small things however, getting on a schedule, a daily routine. There are some books as well, I believe they are in the self-help section of the book store about gaining control over your life. I hope this helps...

May 15, 2006
7:43 pm
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I'm sorry Cary you feel like that. I'm also a guy and have issues with self-esteem. I'm working on them. Sometimes life is very hard and I feel total despair. Just to let you know you're not alone and I know how you feel.

May 16, 2006
10:56 am
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caraway
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guest, it is so frustrating to feel "total despair", to know that you have every reason to be happy and feel blue.

I get so tired of always working on things. I workout, travel, and try and do things that should make me feel better but at the end of the day feel empty.

I guess it is just my make-up. I see others as having so together; they seem to know something that I don't.

Cary

May 16, 2006
11:20 am
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startingover
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Like Codep, I tend to "wing it" from day to day. I don't like the powerless feeling, and would also like to feel some control, to "take charge" as you say.

I am outwardly "in charge". Are you? This almost makes it worse. I present a very calm, eficient, productive front, and when I'm alone, I can barely get the energy together to get dressed.

If you're recovering from a recent traumatic breakup or problem, it's harder, because your safety and security is threatened, and they're the most basic needs.

No ideas on "how to" - patience, prayer if you're so inclined, keeping busy (as you do), time. I hope these things work, it's all I know.

Good luck.

SO

May 16, 2006
12:32 pm
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nopityparty
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1. visualize
2. be eccentric, creative, asses your time spent where and how you want to spend it (could be stress)
3. put a quarter in your shoe and if you have a nagging thought feel the quarter and replace it with the quarter's message like "it will be fine because life goes on" or whatever

May 16, 2006
1:07 pm
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caraway
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SO,

You got it right! If someone needs advice from someone they view as calm and level headed they come to me. I can help others and just can't seem to help myself.

NoPity,

Interesting ideas. Thanks!

May 16, 2006
5:00 pm
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justlooking
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Hi caraway, why is it that other people's problems seem so clear and easy to understand yet our own we battle with everyday. One thing is true the only person we can control is ourselves.
Good luck.

May 16, 2006
5:12 pm
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on my way
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caraway,
maybe defining for yourself, what is missing in your life might help.

omw

May 16, 2006
6:23 pm
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on my way
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caraway,
another thought though, would like to ask you what seems out of control in your life? how flexible are you? are you open to seeing life from another's point of view?

many things can seem out of control, and sometimes it originates from one's personality.

i am only guessing here for you, but if this makes sense, then go with it.:-)

May 16, 2006
6:39 pm
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Cary, i can totally relate to that feeling of total hopelessness. I feel the same a lot of times. Its our low self-esteem. It has to do with our parenting. How did your mom and dad treat you when you were small? did they neglect you or abuse you?

May 19, 2006
10:46 am
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caraway
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guest,

I never knew my Dad (I met him when I was 10) and spent a an hour or so with him and never saw him again. My Dad was a drunk and lived on the street much of the time. My mother was kind, and provided but was emotionally unavailable most of the time.

Cary

May 19, 2006
11:29 am
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hi Cary, your story is sad too. All our problems spring from low self-esteem which comes from bad parenting.
You know I used to have low self-esteem almost all the time but I think I now have average SE which means a mix of the low and high, so its gotten better I think-hard to believe. I always thought self-esteem was going to remain low for me. I hope with time it'll get better and better. We just have to keep working on it.

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