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how to survive codependent relationships
January 21, 2005
12:49 am
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pinkpashmina
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September 24, 2010
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i have been a child of a codependent parents. i just found out recently what codependence was. she would not do anything for the family - she is extremely dependent on others doing things for her - someone to cook for her, prepare food for her, drive her anywhere... all she does is embroider/sew/cross-stitch and watch tv. she has an 8-5 work but when she's home, she waits for others to do for her (we live in asia so the "self-reliant thing" isn't very popular here) -- however, i feel bad for my dad who does almost all the work (driving for her, getting food for her if they were away on vacation,etc.) i just recently read that in marriage, one should try to have the other's needs met, but i have not seen my mom do anything for dad (even give a gift!) and i've seen my dad do stuff for my mom... and i read somewhere online if one need is unmet by the wife/husband, the other could have an extra-marital affair. Since my mom wouldn't even "think" of meeting my dad's needs (i think she's lazy or just self-absorbed), I started thinking that my dad could be having an affair. Until just recently, my brother and I have sensed that my dad is doing it. I know my "codependency" is at its best for wanting to make their marriage work out, but I'm a part of the family and I really don't know how to get out of it. Will anyone help me? Here in Asia, families stay in one home even if we're over 25 years old. How can I survive watching my dysfunctional family? Is there any way that I can escape this?

January 26, 2005
4:41 pm
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neveralone
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Hi pinkpashmina
I also live in asia. In my country we live with our parents until we get married. It is hard to live like a part of their system instead of having a life of your own. Still you can try to detach yourself from their problems. If they are codependent as you say they are, then they may have a system of their own inwhich you cannot interfere even if you meant good. What ever your father and mother are going through, they will balance things eventually in their relationship. Hope all goes well and try not to be affected by their phases. We all grow by making mistakes. So does your father.

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