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How to stay safe overseas?
November 16, 2003
6:01 pm
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Squeezles
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September 30, 2010
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So last night I find out that BF's mother (BFM) has agreed to go on a one month oversea's holiday. She leaves in 2 weeks. Sounds good, right? Except that she's going with f**kface (FF).

Background Info: BFM left BF's Dad to be with his best friend (FF), about 10 years ago. Understandably neither BF or his brother particuarly like this guy (FF). He's abusive and cruel. There's no point going into a litany of the abuse, but let's just say it's been constant. He gets jealous if she goes to visit her son's by herself (he accuses her of cheating on him). My BF won't have anything to do with him so refuses to invite him to our house or have him know where we live - which enrages him as he then can't 'control' what she's doing. If we go to her house to visit her, he won't leave us to visit with her alone, instead he insists on sitting in and dominating the conversation making it a pointless exercise anyway.

The great thing is they finally broke up over a year ago (because we invited her to dinner and didn't invite him and she refused to cancel the arrangement when he insisted we were 'rude' for doing so and she shouldn't associate with us). They were never married, but since they've been in a long term relationship, she was forced to give him lumps of money and almost lost her house (that only SHE paid for as he refused to work in all their time together). After they broke up he was in jail for stalking and harrassing her - although we couldn't convince her to get a restraining order against him.

He's now managed to persuade her to go on 'all expenses' paid trip overseas for a month (errr paid with HER settlement money). She says that she wants to go as 'it will be her only time to go overseas'. She seems convinced that if they go, she'll play along to get the holiday and then she'll go back to 'ignoring' him when they return. I'm scared for her. I really DON'T think it will be that way. He's not the kind of guy to give up (even though he left the relationship, he's been harrassing her for the 12 months since then). Her older son (who had to help pick up the pieces after the breakup) is disgusted with her and has basically stopped speaking to her after finding out. BF is disappointed in her too. We can just see him trying 'something' over there (lock her in a room and rape her; steal her passport and won't let her come back; steal all her money and abandon her somewhere; not give her her ticket home etc etc).

I'm going to look up the Australian embassy of the places she's going and also how to do a reverse charge phonecall at each place (so she can ring us in an emergency). I've also asked BF to get a photocopy of her passport so we could send it to her if necessary.

Does anyone have any more advice?

November 17, 2003
8:16 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Gee Squeezles,,I've never been overseas so I'm not sure what other steps you guys can take,,but I would sure be worried too. Maybe someone with experience in traveling overseas will have some good suggestions for you. Does she realize how worried you guys are about her? Seems it would make her think a bit harder knowing you all are going to so much trouble to try and keep her safe from a distance. When will she be leaving with Mr. Domineering? Maybe everybody could get together and see her and try to talk to her again. How much fun can she have going overseas with this guy anyway.. What in the world makes some of us women seem a glutten for punishment? Seems like all we do is push the envelope until something really bad happens. I hope if you all can't talk her out of it, she will take care and be on guard. Know this isn't much help, but I don't know what else to say.

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