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How to save my sons
March 24, 2001
1:37 pm
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yuya
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September 24, 2010
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I am a mother of two sons which I adore. For the last year and half my sons had decided to do the wrong things in life. They decided to smoke, drink and hang around people that are not doing the righ thing. Doesn't matter what I say to them I am always wrong and their friends are right. I know that my sons are good people but they allow their friends to ruin their lifes and ours (my husband and I. Both of my sons are in college and of course they are not doing so well in college because the lifestyle that they decided to take. My husband said that we should them the other parents what is going on but I am afraid that my sons will hate us for that. Can somebody advise me, I don't know what to do?

March 24, 2001
1:40 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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Its hard but I have found that the best action to take is to quit paying their bills, they want to disrespect you, they want to experiment with drugs, or questionable life style, poor grades, let them pay for the choice, your way or the hardway.

March 26, 2001
9:42 am
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msg
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September 29, 2010
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Indeed it is hard to see children grow up like that. Take Molly's advice. She is right.Steel yourselves for the scenes in the house that might follow. If the parents take a stand together, there is nothing like it.

March 26, 2001
2:20 pm
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Ladeska
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September 27, 2010
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Tell the other parents and take the stance that I will not validate your recent decisions by supporting you. They are free to make their own decisions and so are you. It's a two-way street. The negotiation table is there if they want to pull up a chair. And I'd be real matter of fact about it. We love you and we support your wellbeing. When we see "you" come into focus with that one - we'll join up in a mutual effort. Until then, you will have to suffer the consequences of wrong actions.

March 28, 2001
9:06 pm
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janes
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College can be a time when we seem to reject our parents vlaues while we look for our own.

then we come back to the way we were raised and raise our kids the same way.

Don't apy their bills. If they fail a class...they pay to retake it.

Be a tattle tale...kids today need adults who will tattle...but then step back.

Your sons are going to have their own lives....you cannot MAKE them be good.

that is up to them. god knows where he wants them and if they don't go there...let him take care of it.

In the meantime...you need to let go. they are close to if not already "adults". They have to live with the life decisions they make...and you are right..they may screw up royally.

Unless I am wrong...it willbe their fault and not yours. If you didn't "break It" dont' try to fix it.

My gramma used to say "you aren't gonna learn any younger"---meaning if you are learning it now......now is the time to learn it.

You can't live their lives or make their mistakes....

and don't let their mistakes break your heart....YOU aren't doing the bad stuff. they are...they will have to pay.

MOM...love them...care but don't enable or be codependent.

good luck

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