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How To Recover from a Broken Heart
May 24, 2007
2:01 pm
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atalose
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This was posted on another site I view and wanted to share with you all.

Broken hearts are mainly caused by unfulfilment of our expectations and low self-esteem. Often we think so low of ourself, we put our whole life in the hands of one person to get 'happiness' and then when that happiness is withdrawn, the pain of losing it is too much to bear. We meet someone, we like them a lot, we come to trust them and believe in them, then start to weave our dreams around them and our life around them too. When they fail to conform to those expectations , we are often devastated.

To mend a broken heart has five stages:

First , take time out for you, while you slowly detach yourself from your lover. Often the hurt is prolonged because you still keep yourself in their orbit . Do NOT continue to be 'friends' until the hurt stops and you feel better. Make a complete detachment otherwise you wil be constantly reminded of the situation, especially at the early vulnerable stage when the pain is worst.

Second , accept responsibility for your part in the break-up. Nothing is ever one-sided and when we are hurting and blaming the other person it merely prolongs the pain. By acknowledging and addressing your part in the process, the grievance will be lessened even quicker because you won't just be simply judging your mate on his/her actions you will be addressing the partnership involved in any relationship. You will wish to show understanding and compassion too which speeds up the healing process.

Speeding up the Healing Process

Third , reinforce your self-love because you will feel unwanted and undesirable at this time. It is easy after a heartbreak to believe that no one will want you anymore, that you are no longer attractive and you will not fnd another relationship like that. But to love and be loved, you have to love yourself first . You cannot give away love if we have none for yourself. So nurturing your self-love is crucial to mending a broken heart quickly because it takes the focus off partners and puts it squarely on yourself. That tends to speed up the healing process and re-affirm your esteem and worthiness.

Fourth , accept the situation as a natural part of the pleasure/pain cycle of life, important for teaching us lessons we need later on to live our life satisfactorily and to build our resilience . You can then begin the forgiveness process. Life consists of both pain and love, manifested through death and rebirth, being two sides of the same coin. We cannot have one without the other other. The love is there to nourish and sustain us while the pain helps us to develop our experiences and to face our challenges with resilience and new knowledge. If you seek to be vengeful or to vilify lovers in any way, you drag the hurt and pain around for years while you are stuck back then in the past. Nothing comes from being bitter after a relationship. It is best to learn the lessons they give and move on briskly, knowing that there is likely to be someone even better and more deserving of you in the near future.

Fifth , remind yourself daily of your appeal and value and do not judge the rest of your existence by one occasion. Moving on is most important. Just because someone is not keen on you does not mean your value is any less in everyone else's eyes. In fact, that is the time to bid that person a firm goodbye and loudly say "NEXT!". Your life is a journey, made up of numerous experiences, not based on one event. There is ALWAYS a good reason behind why someone isn't right for you. It's just that you cannot see it at the time. Use rejection as a lesson in finding the right people for you and move on to a more fulfilling experience. If you really love yourself, you won't give a damn about another person's actions. You will chalk it up to experience, look ahead and move on without living in regrets or in the past - and much better for it too.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

May 24, 2007
2:03 pm
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feelingfree
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Atalose~

This is an excellent post! Thank you for sharing it!

May 24, 2007
2:36 pm
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sad sack
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Thanks Atalose for this thread. I have read it and I will reread it repeatedly. As you know, I am still stuck on the first phase. Oh, it makes so much sense but it is so hard.

I suppose I am a work in progress. I do feel stronger than I was a short while back, but I am still in a lot of pain. I just loved this person so much and the connection I felt with him was like no other. I have to give myself some time. The new, enlightened me will take some time to evolve.

Thanks again for this and for all of your support throughout the past months.

Sad

May 24, 2007
2:53 pm
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taj64
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The simplest answer though can go so slowly is time, time for all the stages to happen. In time your heart does recover. Time can go so slow at first, almost minute by minute but then the hearts grows open again and time allows for something new and you can become stronger. but in time.

May 25, 2007
12:58 pm
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2bstrong
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Atalose; thank you for posting this. This is something to print. We have all been through this at one time or another, and it never gets easier.

May 25, 2007
1:02 pm
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jewel
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Great thread!!!!!!!

May 26, 2007
11:40 am
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atalose
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I think there are many of us who have gone through a broken heart, many who are going through it right now and unfortunately many will go through it.

Taj is right, it takes time sometimes alot of time and it feels like the pain will never end.

I saw it and thought it was very interesting and wanted to share with everyone.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

May 26, 2007
4:53 pm
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StronginHim77
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This is really good. Thank you for posting it.

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