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How to get out?
May 22, 2006
1:01 pm
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Nan7
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September 24, 2010
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Please help me. I am 23 years old, and I don't know who I am anymore. I have been dating someone (I'll call him Dan) for 3 years now, and living with him for 2. I moved down to GA with him, and am finding it harder and harder to cope with our relationship. I feel I've lost all sense of identity. I don't enjoy anything I used to...most likely cuz he doesn't enjoy it, so I've taught myself not to enjoy it. I have no friends, because it is too much work to try and justify having friends to him. I am in college, and have no friends. I don't think I can fully express how completely depressing that is...
He can't hold down a job, and I am constantly forced to ask my parents to pay his half of the rent. He supposedly knows that he needs to get a job...but he is so PICKY about where he works...meanwhile his work history is bad, cuz he just leaves his jobs at the drop of a hat, but he doesn't think that's why he hasn't been able to get a job in the last 2 months. I've given up on nagging...he just does the opposite of what I want him to do.
I can't move out, because we have a lease. I just don't know what to do...
please help me!?

May 22, 2006
1:17 pm
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mamac
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Nan7

Have you asked him to move out? If he refuses to leave maybe you could go to your lanlord and explain the situation, maybe him/her will have a solution. If he is not doing his part he needs to hit the road. There is always a way out if you try hard enough.
As far as not having any freinds, I am there right now. I was also going to school and he hated that to. his problem is he knows I can do better than him, and he is afraid of losing me. Do you think that is part of his problem. Plus men have a natural desire to do better than women, if he sees you are striving for somthing and he hasent figured out what he wants out of life yet his ego will tell him to crush it. He will try to come in between anything you try to do because he is insecure. Dont let one man take away your dreams. If he really loved you he would want you to be happy. Sounds like he thinks he owns you. I need to take my own advice. In fact lately i Have been doing more things away from him to show him that I am my own person. I even told him if he dosent like it he can hit the road. Let me guess, he has friend, and things he can do without you. STAND UP BE STRONGE. It is your life not his....

May 22, 2006
1:30 pm
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gingerleigh
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So have you made the decision to end it? If so, just based on what you've written, here's my reaction...

*WILD APPLAUSE, JUMPING UP AND DOWN, CHEERING FOR NAN*

OK, the reason I say that is that you are so far *ahead* of many people because you've realized that you are unhappy and want to make changes in your life.

A question... if the lease were not in the picture, are you financially solvent enough to make it on your own? Do you have a job or income supporting you while you are finishing up college? If so...

My advice? Talk to your landlord and find out how to break the lease. If you're already having to pay the entire rent and your parents are helping you out repeatedly, I think if you can show them that you want to get out for good they can help you with getting that cash up front. You may have to tighten your belt for a while, and find a roommate. Check the listings at your college, there are usually message boards for people looking for roommates, or try out craigslist.org.

And if you're really nervous about breaking the lease... wait it out. If you've got an end date that you're working toawrds, it can make getting through each day more bearable.

Any possibility of him becoming violent? Are drugs or alcohol present in your relationship?

May 28, 2006
6:37 pm
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2wings
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Excellent questions Ginger. Nan please consider your safety first if that is an issue at all. If it's not, then please talk to your landlord and see what arrangements could be made to break the lease. How long do you have left on the lease?

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