Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
how to become Interdendent? hmmm.....
February 22, 2006
2:23 pm
Avatar
das033
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have a question for all.
I have heard so much about being co-dependent.
can anyone tell me how one can be interdependent?
I stumbled over a website yesterday, that was very interesting it was talking about codependency and boundaries and I understood what they were saying but didn't really understand how one can become interdependent.(maybe cuz it was too late at night to be reading.)
the website was: joy2meu.com
does anyone have any knowledge on this?

February 22, 2006
2:36 pm
Avatar
butterflybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I would say one big thing is that you have to have your own life and share it with another person. You don't want to make your partner your life..you just want to share your life with them.

Not sure if that makes sense or not.

February 22, 2006
2:46 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I would answer by saying balance. Have your own separate identity/interests things for yourself aside from your partner's. Being able to focus on everything else around you including yourself other than just your partner. I believe having your own independence is empowering, like your own money, being able to support yourself is important to me. It may not be to others but it is to me. Butterfly baby does make sense. A relationship is something to share, simple as that.

February 22, 2006
3:16 pm
Avatar
Philmore Bowles
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The book "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill discusses Interdependence in depth.

February 22, 2006
3:37 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

In my opinion, by developing higher self-esteem. I'm working on it too.

February 22, 2006
4:05 pm
Avatar
gazelle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I was taught about it like this:

DEPENDENCY = childish & weak. An unhealthy over-reliance on something or somebody or some sub stance that, though not necessary for survival, FEELS as though it is.

INDEPENDENCE = mature & uselful in many ways, but can lead to living a cut-off, cold, aloof & emotionally or socially isolated life, lacking empathy & sharing.

CO-DEPENDENCY = what is described so much & so well on this site! Putting others' needs & even whims before one's own; only getting self-worth from sacrificing & losing oneself to serve others; struggling to fix, help, change & control others & resenting it never working, etc, etc. This unhealthy, self-limiting & self-sabotaging behaviour-pattern has been described far better than I can. It leads to frustration, resentment, feeling like a doormat & stymying one's own development & sabotaging one's happiness. (Can u tell this one is my special interest?!)

INTERDEPENDENCE = The Right Way To BE! Lol. All the stuff we keep hearing & reading about the ideal relationships between mature, psychologically & emotionally 'healthy' people who are whole & complete in themselves. They have their own interests, friends, ideals, beliefs, tastes, aims etc and relate to each other by happily & equally & respectfully sharing what they have with each other. There will be lots of overlap, and lots of expansion & mutual learning from each other with open minds & hearts. Establishing Healthy Boundaries, giving & receiving Care, Respect, Love etc.
(All v solemn & perfectionist. I do hope there's room amidst all these stirling qualities for some fun, silliness, spontaneity & laughter? And easy forgiveness through 'Honest Communication' for all the mistakes we inevitably make? Is it ok to be a mere human? Pretty please???! Lol.)

Whyever did I feel the need to type all that textbook stuff? I think there's some truth & value in it; but overall I feel one can't regulate one's life by textbook algorithms. Lived experience has its own way of burgeoning joyfully onwards, through the gaps of anything we care to turn into Rules. IMHO.

Feeling weird. Hope no offence. Blessings - gazelle.

Am v depressed & argumentative by turns lately. Isolated & alone by choice. A bit agoraphobic - unlike me. Insomnia & v v vivid dreams. Dizzy. Could be the new meds perhaps. sorry.

February 23, 2006
2:42 am
Avatar
das033
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you all, very interesting!

Phil I just happened to have that book, but I guess I need to actually open it and read huh!? LOL

guest-guest I am trying to figure out the high esteem one too!

BB and taj- I have always wondered how that would be to be married to someone that is interdependent as well and not depend so much on each other, rather have your own circle of friends and make your own decissions, and have your own thoughts and ideas and have you own life at the same time be married, wow! when they say: when you marry and become one, they litteraly mean "you become one"
I thought this is normal, cause you rearly see (or least I don't) interdependent couples.
as a matter of fact I was talking to one of my friends today and was telling her I wonder how it is to be single with no bf or gf or married. I have not expierenced this, never had too, and now I want to know and I think I want to break up my relationship that I have right now too find out. I am kinda excited about it.( my relationship is not that exciting anyway)If I am going to do this right now will be perfect for me.
I have always been a player but never a single person. Hmmm.....
Yes, I know I got issues!

wow! gazelle, sorry you are feeling weird. I think it was all that much appreciated typing you did.
very well explained, thank you soooo much!!!!!

Thanks for listening!

much love to you all!

(((((GROUP)))))

February 23, 2006
7:43 am
Avatar
hbdude2k
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Guest-guest said it. By developing a higher self esteem, you will realize how much you love yourself. I have done this for myself and let me tell you, it is something that I have never experienced before. I feel so good, so independent. The way that I did it was working out at the gym and eating healthly. It has been 10 weeks now and the change has been incredible. The discipline that you give yourself will be used in many other ways that you won't even realize it until later on. You will find out that things you did in the past, and when you come back and do those things, you will find out that you are going to be rejecting some things that you have done. This is when you know that your self esteem is building up.....Its a great feeling to find you and have confidence in yourself.

February 23, 2006
1:43 pm
Avatar
das033
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

wow, interesting hb. I think I have been going down that road for the past year and didn't know it.
I have been going to the gym, working out, eating healthy. today i stepped on the scale and finally got down in the 130s coming down from being almost 160. and I took my happy but back to school yeserday being my first day since 1992(when I graduated)so thank you for bringing light to this guest-guest and HB, I think I am on my way up to higher grounds.
I just love you guys, you made my day and gave me something to smile and think about all day!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
60
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110906
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38534
Posts: 714189
Newest Members:
odin83, sendlv, ViolentFighterBrownCaveman, kbrfDazy, traceyob69, JohnMeave
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer