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How rude of me
June 26, 2009
2:34 pm
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positivetrooper
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I just started posting like I've been here for a while.

This is my first visit here. I'm a 33 yr. old mar female who is codependent. Well found out yesterday.

I'm estranged from my mom. She is pill addict, and literally ruined our family, and she manipulated me and my husband's marriage.

She physically attacked me January 2009, and I had to call 911. Since then, I have cut off any contact/communication with her. For that,the rest of my family is supporting her and we (me and my husband) are the "bad guys".

This I will have to accept, it just feels like I lost my whole family in a split second.

Thanks for listening.

June 26, 2009
2:37 pm
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CAMER
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its your choice to stop contact...and if other family members are mad about it, so be it...this is your choice. They may not "like it" but they still should accept it, cuz it is your choice.

Sometimes we need to do things that may hurt others (not speaking with family member or what not) and you have to know you are doing this for your health, and positive health enviornment....and if people do not like it, so be it.

Remember we cannot please everyone!

June 26, 2009
2:57 pm
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PaleBlueSky
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It is your choice to stop contact as hard as it may be and may hurt...but what you mother did is not acceptable, no one should attack you...

My brother hit me once, he was an addict and I called the police on him then wound up moving away from my family cuz he turned things around on me like I was the bad guy....I can understand how you are feeling...

You did what you had to do - stay strong and be true to yourself

June 26, 2009
3:21 pm
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Healing.. and peace
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Sometimes it takes a while for other family members to feel what you have felt by the actions of a drug/alchol addict. Try to hold your chin high and be proud of yourself for turning your life away from such pain, and seeking the serenity of being away from it all.

June 26, 2009
9:47 pm
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Lanigirl
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Hey Positive,

I've noticed that people often try to tell us who we are, etc. Takes a strong person to let them know who we are.

June 26, 2009
10:21 pm
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fantas
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Sorry about this situation with your family. I think you did the right thing by choosing peace and calm for your family. Each member of the family has to make that decision for themselves. Your responsibility is to yourself. You mother being an addict cares about only one person, actually one thing, how to maintain her addiction by all means necessary. If that means making you the bad guy so the attention can be taken away from her, this is what she will do. She has no maternal loyalty to any of her children.

Our codependency is what makes some us get stuck in relationships with these kinds of people. Just like her, we want to put our attention on someone else's problems instead of ours. When/if each one of your siblings gets ready, they will leave that situation and seek their own sanity. Right now, they are simply enabling her.

Hang tight and do the work you need to do to stay strong!

June 26, 2009
10:21 pm
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fantas
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Sorry about this situation with your family. I think you did the right thing by choosing peace and calm for your family. Each member of the family has to make that decision for themselves. Your responsibility is to yourself. You mother being an addict cares about only one person, actually one thing, how to maintain her addiction by all means necessary. If that means making you the bad guy so the attention can be taken away from her, this is what she will do. She has no maternal loyalty to any of her children.

Our codependency is what makes some us get stuck in relationships with these kinds of people. Just like her, we want to put our attention on someone else's problems instead of ours. When/if each one of your siblings gets ready, they will leave that situation and seek their own sanity. Right now, they are simply enabling her.

Hang tight and do the work you need to do to stay strong!

June 26, 2009
10:28 pm
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positivetrooper
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Thank you guys so much! It feels relieving to know that others know or went through this kind of thing.

All I can tell my siblings is: Time will tell.

It hurts don't get me wrong. But I have to put myself 1st for the first time in 33 yrs. I let the codependentcy and bulimia bring my health down to the level of recognization.

I am now ready to move on...and start enjoying my time with my husband. Life is too short.

Thank you guys again <3

June 27, 2009
8:29 am
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mamacinnamon
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positivetrooper:

What you just said speaks volumes to me. I have been the "good daughter", "good sister", and "good mom" to my own detriment for many many years. Thank you for your post and to all you that responded to her. It reaffirms what I am now trying to do and yes, it is very hard.

I have let my family run me in the name of "family" thru guilt, family obligation, and manipulation my whole life since childhood. I have chosen to stand and say "NO" to several of my family members and to the others looking shocked and "how could you". It hurts, but I will continue to stand. I hope you, positivetrooper, and others will also continue to stand up for yourselves and those around you that suffer along beside you.

WAY TO GO!

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