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August 31, 2006
11:56 am
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search4peace
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I'm been with the same man for 25 yrs. For as long as we've been married I've been abused. I'n not good enough for him. My family was poor and his wasn't. Whenever I leave him, I return for no good reason. I must be insane. The beating get worst, how many times does it take for me not to be afraid. Whenever I try to talk I'm lying or trying to con him. I'm so depressed, where has my life gone? I was happy, I had a life, I didn't expect to be old and huring all the time. I'm not after some man, there aren't any men that I trust or ever will trust. Have you every been with someone who is so smart and they make you feel inferior in every aspect of your life even to animals. I've tried praying, I'm waiting for an answer. But should I die while I'm waiting. I have noone to talk to so I pray. Noone to turn to, even God doesn't answer me. How much longer can I go on? I have to find a way to end this because I will break if I don't.

August 31, 2006
12:19 pm
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lollipop3
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September 29, 2010
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Hi Search and welcome to the site.

I'm so sorry you are hurting.

Have you considered seeing a counselor? Or calling an abuse hotline? Or a pastor at church? Do you have friends or family who support you?

It is not that you are inferior. It is that he FEELS inferior. So in order to feel better, he makes you feel inferior. It is not about you....it is about HIM.

You deserve to have a happy life, free from pain, despair and uncertainty. Do you believe that?

Know that you are not alone. There are people out there that have been where you are. They can help you....ask them for help.

Take care and keep posting.

Love,
Lolli

August 31, 2006
1:11 pm
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search4peace
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I'm been to shelters, talked to ministers, talked to counselors, family and friends. Everyone says don't go back. I stay away for a few months but then he gets sick and I feel guilty and go back. He has such a hold on me. I'm afraid of what he will do to my family and I know he will cause me much financial hardship. Which is more important? I have to live but not this way. I like being able to buy things that sounds so trival. Any little thing I can do to make myself feel better but this time, nothing helps. The police won't help he isn't afraid of them or anyone. I want peace of mind and body.

August 31, 2006
1:18 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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No offense, but maybe god isn't answering him, because you aren't listening? I don't want this to sound bad, but honestly, you aren't getting out, you are going back, putting yourself in the line of fire.

God doesn't want that for you - god wants you happy, loved and free. By ignoring the path god has for you, you are dishonoring him, and he will stop talking, cuz you aren't listening.

Get out, then start listening for god, and I bet he will be there for you.

This "support side" of the board really is for "non religious" support, we could take it over to libs if you want. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable with the god discussion.

In the end, you need to find a path away from the monster that is destroying your life....and trust all the people who tell you to get away and stay away - that's god talking.

Once you are away, lean on the ones that love you and treat you well, and don't go back, get all the help you can to keep you from doing that.

The only way you will have peace of mind and body will be to grab the bull by the horns and run with it.

I know that victims of abuse often feel helpless and don't have the energy and determination to get out.....but there is help out there....keep looking, don't leave any stone unturned....keep talking, someone will listen....there will be many who turn you away, but somehow, some way, you will find someone, just ONE person who can help.

August 31, 2006
1:23 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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And another thought, maybe god IS listening....but you aren't hearing his answers? often we aren't given what we ask for (thank god for unanswered prayers)....sometimes we need to be still and peaceful to hear him....sometimes we need to do some hard work, even if we don't want to....sometimes the answers he sends us aren't the ones we expect, so we dismiss them as "he isn't listening".

You are a wonderful, wise, loving person and nobody, not nobody deserves to be abused....people care, and will help.....but ultimately, you need to care enough about yourself to make the first move.....nobody can force you to get out, stay out, or never go back - that's something you have to resolve to do, and then find people (and god) to support you thru it.

You are loved, you are worthy, and you deserve nothing but peace and happiness....

you found this website, perhaps god is trying to tell you something?

September 1, 2006
4:21 am
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InoIcan
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I've been there. trust me, the only way, THE ONLY WAY, out of this is when you finally learn to value yourself and not allow yourself to be judged by other ppl, esp. those who build their esteem by trashing yours.I did it, it took a long time,by giving my time and my gifts to others, it makes you see your self in a better light immediately. I avoid ppl who compare, compete, and are negative. Not an easy thing to do in todays world. Learn to see your self as a whole person , not someone with pieces missing that needs parts of someone else. At first I used to put post its on my mirror to remind myself "your all here today" but dont need to anymore. If you are determined you will make it.

September 1, 2006
4:46 am
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sleepless in uk
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September 30, 2010
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Search; I dont have advice to give you other than what the others have said but i do understand the difficulties you are facing.

My situation is similar (without the beatings) in that my h makes me feel worthless too. Over the years it has got worse and you end up not having the will or strength or energy or confidence in yourself to change things. You begin to believe his perception of you and that paralyses you.

I have started taking medication for depression and having counselling and it is helping me. I am still here, I havent broken away yet but I do believe I am getting stronger and starting to believe in myself for the first time in a very long time.

I hope you are able to find the support you need and i send my very best wishes to you

September 1, 2006
7:10 pm
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InoIcan
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I had a few minutes to talk last time but I want to tell you a few more things Search, if you believe in yourself and in God, wonderful things will happen. You had a life and its still there ,in you. But you can't wait and hope things will get better. Reach out for help, this wasaa good firast step, there are womans shelters, or call a hospital and ask for social services dept. they are a great resouce of whats available in your area. As for financial, you must decide if its worth it, but let me tell you I walked out with less than 10 dollars and 4 kids under 6, we were poor but very happy, now my kids are adults and normal with good lives. I see now the one who is the poorest is my ex husband. Dont settle for less than you deserve. You are in my prayers and thoughts.

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