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how much is that DDog in the window? ruff ruff
September 8, 2005
9:14 pm
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Shaney
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Hey D -

Just wondering if you're still that strong, hot chick from Pheonix that we all love?
How are you?

September 8, 2005
9:38 pm
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D dog
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Hi Shaney!

LOL! When I saw the thread title, I just knew it was you! :o)

I'm doing fairly well, actually. H has been taking his Lexapro and seems to be leveling off a bit already (though we know it takes 2 weeks to truly "kick in"). He seems mellower, anyway. I've just been trying be a good friend to him, and it seems like a good approach right now. Kind of brings me back to the good things I had to offer in the first place, instead of the needy jealous bitch that I became!

He hasn't seen his ex since last week, and told me that he has been avoiding her calls. Maybe he is realizing that it just messes him up; they are not getting back together, he has been clinging to the past out of a sense of guilt and needing the safety that he had in that relationship for 6 years.

I understand all this now, although that does not excuse his treatment of me...he is one lucky boy that I even give him the time of day these days...and I now realize that. I guess I could say that although I love him, he no longer has the power to hurt me. I believe that I can have whatever I want in life, including a great relationship if I so choose, but at the moment, I'm contnet to just be me...I mean, I'm not "looking". And the sex with him is better than it ever was, so who can complain??? LOL!

Yes, I am calm, cool and collected these days. Life has stabilized. No highs, no lows...just kind of, "Ooooooommmmm!"

How 'bout you? Did you finally shave, oh stubbly one??

September 8, 2005
11:08 pm
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D dog
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Shaney - are you out there?

September 8, 2005
11:41 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there! - we went to eat and walk the dogs. I'm glad to hear that things are under control with you and H. It'll be fine - because YOU seem fine. Just watch out for that insecurity and self-doubt monster that tends to sneak up when you least expect it.

We're doing really good. BUT! Still haven't cut the cake - can you f'n believe it? It's an ice cream cake so I think it may have one or two more days max, before it goes south.
It just hasn't worked out to light the damn thing, I swear. Things keep coming up. Today, M (bf) got calls all morning from his banks, etc. only to find that his wallet, his personal backpack and his work pack was all stolen out of his truck last night right outside our window. Some shitheads stole his stuff last night about midnight and went on a spending spree at every gas station and grocery store within a 10 mile radius. He's so bummed out. His badge and peace officer i.d. were stolen along with all of his radio equip for work which makes this a homeland security issue - so the cops are on a rampage collecting videos from all the places that the freaks used his cards. Hopefully they'll catch them. That would be cool. Plus, all of the money that I gave to him ($250) for his bday was stolen too. It sucks. Anyhoo... that's it in a nutshell.

I want to chat with you more - I miss you - but I need to try to shove that damn cake on poor M again for the third night in a row. Check back tomorrow mid morning if you're around - I'll post. Toodles :0}

September 9, 2005
12:57 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there D-licious 🙂

Good morning - hope everything is going great with you. Are you working? What kind of work do you do?

Well, I shaved, but another failed attempt with the cake. I woke him up this morning when I was saying goodbye, and told him that we're breaking out that damn cake when I get home from work. He just laughed.f

M had a rough day, yesterday. I came home all stressed out too because of the wallet thing, and felt myself going into that coda mode where I feel like I don't have any control. I blast through the front door and scan the house for things that are out of place the minute I get home. Then I go into this cleaning frenzy, getting internally pissed every time I come across something of his that is left out. I had to totally get a hold of myself, and break the cycle, because I saw him start to panic and race around the house trying to pick up his stuff. I was proud of myself, because I just stopped and realized it was going to get ugly if I didn't just relax and talk to him. I told him that I was really sorry about the day he had and it really stressed me out too, to know that we were ripped off right under our noses. We talked about it for a while then just decided that we both needed to get out of the house and went to have a good dinner. Anyway... minor stuff, but stuff that used to add up and explode. We're getting better at this communication thing.

September 9, 2005
1:16 pm
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Anonymous
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I have a solution in my house - I have a basket or box or tub - and when I clean and come across his crap, I put it in the tub - and then make him responsible for cleaning it up. I won't put it away - I'll simply get it out of MY way.

he is getting it tho - now when he sees me clean, he gets up and helps.

September 9, 2005
1:24 pm
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Shaney
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You're brutal Ali! I did the same thing with his piles of papers and stacks of bills and magazines. I put them all in a big tub and put it in the middle of the living room for him to sort through while he watched tv. It sat there for 5 months, no lie. Isn't that funny? That tub made me CRAZY, and it didn't bother him a bit. Within days of me dragging that tub into the office, out of the way, he went through it and organized his stuff. We've had a couple really good conversations in the past couple of months about the cleaning and division of chores... I hate that stuff but it needs to be discussed. We've got it pretty figured out these days. He helps a lot now, thank God.

How are you feeling today, I've been reading your posts. My bf's bday was the 6th. Yep, you Virgos!

September 9, 2005
1:29 pm
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hey, happy belated!!!

I am doing okay.

I think I am figuring this whole thing out.

we have issues - and the issues SHOULD be burying me right now, based on past experience - but they aren't. The sun is shining, the sky is a pretty blue with wispy clouds - and the weather is PERFECT. I could not ask for anything more.

I am working hard to stop the thoughts - fight the demons - but whatever I am doing, it's working. I can't wait for the day that it gets easier - cuz I still slip - but it's better.

today he called - grumpy and miserable - and I know damn well what's eating him - and he said he didn't but wanted to hear my thoughts - so I shared them - and dropped it - oh wait, I gave him a pep talk and offered what I thought would be ideal - but then I let it go - he heard me and now I am done.

I won't let it ruin my weekend and it looks like I got a nice surprise coming on sunday - I think I know where we are going - and in the past, I would have bowed out, saying that he couldn't afford it, so I won't go - but know that I am cheating myself and hurting him by doing it - so I will put my trust in "whatever" and know it will end up okay - that things will work out somehow, someway.

thanks for asking!!!

September 9, 2005
1:30 pm
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Anonymous
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ps - you got carvel cake?????? that would NOT be lasting in my fridge!

I'll come share it with you!!! I think you are in NY, no??? I might not be that far.

September 9, 2005
1:31 pm
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D dog
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Hey guys!

Hmmm...I'm glad I live alone, my own crap is bad enough! LOL!

I'm having a great day so far, fit into my size 3 jeans this morning and am having a good hair day. Who can ask for more?

I'm at work (American Express), I do corporate travel for a "major communications firm", booking them all over world. It's pretty fun, most times, but can really be frustrating when things go wrong, which they often do in the world of travel!

That said, nothing really phases me on Fridays...just counting down to the weekend...

H. stopped by last night on his way out to get chicken wings (he was watching the Pats/Raiders game with our neighbor - classic!), and mentioned he wanted to hang out tonight...

Anyway, gotta run some tickets for a guy to go to Prague...will check in later...

;o)

September 9, 2005
1:37 pm
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Shaney
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That's right - you know all about that cake! That stupid cake, I swear. M just called me right now, and says, "I swear honey, we'll light the candles and cut the cake as soon as you get home...we'll have cake for dinner." I'm sure it's still good - that ice cream cake lasts forever.

I would love for you to come out here and have cake! I'd get you your own cake though - we don't share bdays around here, you'd get your own cake. I live in LA - Woodland Hills, a total valley girl - not that that's anything to be proud of. . Ha!

September 9, 2005
1:39 pm
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damn, thought I read someplace you were in NY - oh well, LA is a little far to go for cake - total other side of the country!!!!

I wouldn't wait - I LOVE Ice cream - I would be digging in, with or without him.

September 9, 2005
1:44 pm
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Shaney
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Hey D -

I'm creative director for a company here on the west coast - we design products and market them through the mail. I've done many bangtails and solo mailings for AmEx. I've even done a few catalogs for AmEx based around our products. Small world D! We'll have to talk about travel some time - you probably have some great tips.

Today's a good day - Fridays usually are!

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