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How is tc66 feeling?
January 7, 2006
10:46 am
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Hey guys... go over to the "firemen" thread for an update.

Hey Tra... You told me to remind you about a story you wanted to tell me about work (my old job)??? This is your reminder...

2b... How's it going?

Later!

TC

January 7, 2006
11:14 am
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2bstrong
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Wellllllllllll...

I broke down. (And yes, I call it a break down because I was on the verge of a nervous one.) I sent him an e-mail yesterday asking what his thoughts were about everything. I am skimpy on words when it comes to e-mails, usually, and this was no exception.

In my heart, I know I was really reaching out with hope.

But I am prepared for the worst, which I know will be painful, but will enable me to let go. I am sorry if I have disappointed all of you. Maybe my name should be "2bWeak"?

He hasn't responded yet. So, I wait.

Love to all of you...2b

January 7, 2006
7:18 pm
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turnabout
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Disappointed all of us?!! What the heck?!! How dare you say such a thing, 2b! We love you! And we've been there. You broke down and e-mailed him? So what? I broke down and sent my ex a little Christmas present! (Part of my story about how I've been taunting him.) We're ALL weak. People were telling you not to e-mail him b/c no one wanted to see YOU get disappointed. In my experience, hoping for ANY answer, even a negative one, is asking to much of them for some reason, but you haven't done anything wrong. Chin up, girl! It's no big deal.

January 8, 2006
1:36 am
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turnabout
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Okay, TC, by popular request :), the job story:

You know that everyone gets theirs eventually, don't you? Or at least you hope they do. Well, that's what my story is about.

When I started at my job, the place was just a modest little homegrown company experiencing a growth spurt. My supervisor was one of these people who has to put other people down in order to make herself feel competent. She was always reporting me for insignificant things she considered offenses. Basically, she didn't like it that I resisted being taken advantage of, and I think she also felt threatened by my intelligence on the job. Anyway, when things w/ her were getting really bad, the dept needed restructuring b/c of uneven teams, I was gratefully shifted to another team. A year later, during another restructuring it was decided that there were too many supervisors, and she was demoted. This was very funny for someone who rubbed elbows w/ the VP and her friends.

Alright, now the situation before I lost my job was that my dept had a manager (a guy respected for having been promoted out of the trenches, but known to have no backbone), under him was a supervisor, and there was an ambiguous position in between whose job was originally customer relations, but had recently expanded to interdept relations as well. There was also an executive over the manager who was brought in by the new owners to troubleshoot longstanding issues the dept.

All of these people had a hand in my dismissal. The executive, having no hand-on experience in the work of my dept relied on reports to do his troubleshooting. That summer when I was under such stress, he started tightening the reigns on my supervisors, probably under pressure from his higher-ups. My performance was unimpressive on paper, and I think he urged my supervisors to do something w/ me or fire me. My supervisor and the relations person called me in for a meeting once, saying that several people had noticed I'd been on edge lately (God forbid, I had stood up for myself again when stretched beyond reason.), and they wanted to see if they could help ... but they couldn't help if they didn't know what was wrong. I ended up breaking down as I revealed the stress I'd been under. They suggested some of my work schedule could be rearranged (which never happened) and told me that, as hard as it was, I couldn't let my personal life affect my work. That was their idea of "help" I guess. That afternoon, the relations person came around with a form for me to sign indicating that they had met with me .. it was referred to as a "disciplinary meeting." I could see the writing on the wall.

All three, the manager, supervisor, and relations person, were in the meeting on my firing. The executive wasn't. I really resented being pushed out by a person who had no first hand knowledge of my work or the job-related stresses I was under. I also felt that the manager and my supervisor hadn't done anything to support or defend me. I totally felt like a sacrificial lamb, so that an example would be set and they could hold onto their own jobs.

Update on those guys.... supervisor position was deemed unnecessary, and she was demoted. Manager was deemed ineffective in his role and was sent back to his old position in the branch office. Best of all, the executive was asked to leave after failure to achieve significant change in the dept's performance. Officially, he quit, but everyone knows it wasn't voluntary. The only person to have prospered after all of this is the relations person, who is now the manager. She's a well-organized and confident person who is probably very capable in that role, but I hear reports that she has "changed" and is widely disliked.

I also hear reports of how the company keeps changing in ways that makes things harder on the employees.
Last year they lost holidays, payment for unused vacation, and their yearly bonus. I'm so glad to be out of there, and to see firsthand that it really does all come out in the wash.

Hope this can inspire you. No one gets away with anything, not really.

TraCo

January 8, 2006
1:25 pm
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Thanks for the uplifting story that proves that there IS a such thing as Karma!!!! I've always believed in it, but it's reassuring to know that what goes around DOES actually come around!!!

I can't wait to hear about the "fallout" at my old job... I'm sure there will be some! The fact that I am not emotionally invested in whether or not those people get what is coming to them feels really good. I am completely detached from that place!!! I'd love to be able to say "Yeah, they deserved THAT!", but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't make the least bit of difference to me or my world!!! A world that is getting better by the day! Yay for me!!!!

There is a thread called "Utter confusion"... it made me laugh because of all of my COW talk lately!!! I thought it was someone that was having the same unhealthy pre-occupation with cattle and dairy products as me!!!!

But, after reading through the thread, I realized that they were not referring to cow "utters" (which evidently are spelled completely different. UDDERS!!! Who knew!)...

TC

January 8, 2006
7:38 pm
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turnabout
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Aww, poor TC... yer a city gurl, ain't chya? Hehe.

I know!! Isn't it great to be away and just not care about those people? Then you'll hear tidbits about how things aren't going so well for them, and, well, ... in spite of yourself it just feels ... good! Kind of like K_ & me. Feels good to have the universe confirm what you knew after no one else seems to. Yeah, just makes you want to thumb your nose at all of them. (what does that mean, exactly? "thumb your nose")

Okay, here's how I've been tormenting the ex ... for 2b, or whomever else. I don't care....

My last conversation w/ the ex was July 1st. (I know b/c I still have a record on IM) It was also the last significant interaction of any sort. Haven't even run into him on the street.

No contact until ...

Aug. 20 - his birthday. Sent him an e-card, thinking to myself that I was being the bigger person, since he hadn't acknowledged my b'day on the 3rd. Yeah, I wanted to spur a little guilt. Silly, huh. Sent the e-card w/ the message, "Happy Birthday. Have fun. Be safe." He replied with a "Thank you, Tra.)

Sept. 4 - in a drunken blow up w/ K_, I learn that J_ specifically asked her not to tell me about the b'day party for fear I might show up, exposing how much he has exaggerated my investment in him. Also exposing that he's thinking about me and wants me thinking about him by developing this exaggerated concern and expressing it to our friends.

No contact from 8/20 until ...

Nov. 16 - I sent out a mass e-mailed invitation for a bowling night, and included him in the list in an unfortunate plot to make him feel bad by subsequently uninviting him, noting it had been a mistake. Realizing how misguided that was, I left things as they were, deciding I could deal with him if he showed up.

Nov. 18 - received an overly gracious reply from J_ ambiguously turning down the invitation (would like to come, but prob'ly wouldn't make it). I didn't answer.

Dec. 11 - Heard from nephew that J_ had come into a bar where he performs and asked how I was doing, followed up by the statement that "she doesn't like me much anymore."

Jan. 4 - I mailed a little Christmas gift to him ... a self-help book named "How to Raise Your Self-Esteem" and inscribed it w/ the message "Because you deserve to believe in yourself. - T."

Every once in a blue moon, I present myself to him, but don't wait around for a response. And if he responds, I can't be bothered to acknowledge it. That's how I'm taunting him. He gets a little ego stroke from some unexpected attention, but then there isn't anything to follow it up, making him wonder if the ego stroke meant anything at all.

I say I've been taunting him, but none of it has actually been on purpose. I've just been trying to manage my own urges for contact, and this is the result. I'm now equating it to walking around the castle in plain sight while he lounges on his pillows being "serviced" by his new grapefeeder. I'm right under his nose, and yet not close enough to touch... not as long as he stays on that safe little lilypad.

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