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How I look
October 9, 2003
8:54 pm
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sosos
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I want to be totally honest and address this subject again (I think there was something similar a while ago) only now I think I'm more messed up than ever. When I was married I got to a point where I didn't much care how I looked, he packed on the weight right along with me. Then I lost alot and could wear cute new clothes. Drugs kept him from wanting me sexually. I've had two sexual relationships since, and both left me feeling uneasy about how I looked..."in the buff". I've not had any opportunity for a while with anyone and I'm scared to death about "doing it" again. I know I shouldn't even think about it, my friends say men don't care once you get down to it, but in the last relationship the sex ended by his choice and the friendship continued until I ended it by my choice. How do I overcome the fact that A. I was so inexperienced after my long term marriage, or B. Unclothed was a real disappointment. I know this sounds silly, and I've gotten advice about turn off the lights, use candles, even have a few drinks first, but I still feel very nervous if I ever have the opportunity again. Then again, it's not looking real positive. Anybody have any great inspiring thought for me, Please???

October 9, 2003
9:00 pm
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tooscared
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Sosos, after 18 years you would think that I would have no problem with my husband seeing my body, but I am so disgusted by it myself that I can't relax with him seeing me either. So I don't really have any advice for you, but I do know the emotions that you are going through.

Don't worry though about someone else seeing you right now. It is not going to happen until you are ready for it and at that point hopefully you will trust the person enough to know he cares about you and you will feel better about yourself.

October 9, 2003
9:23 pm
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sosos
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Thanks TS...I know you're right about who I choose. And I always think, hey it's not like these guys have the perfect body going on. They just seem to not worry about them. I'm watching Extreme Makeover right now...OMG, I want one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 10, 2003
12:41 am
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Anonymous
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"it's not like these guys have the perfect body going on. They just seem to not worry about them."

So true !

Sensuality is a personality trait, not physical. It's what you do with what you've got, meaning how you feel about it and therefore how you carry it. It's self love expressed by the body.

I always think that Tina Turner, being my mom's age and not having a much better body than her, looks like her daughter.

October 10, 2003
3:06 am
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nattie
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I think like the old saying says...if he loves you, he won't care. He will only care what's on the inside, that is what makes someone beautiful.

I once said this to a boyfriend after he told me he was concerned about me gaining weight.........

"I didn't realize the SIZE OF MY ASS was more important than THE SIZE OF MY HEART!"

I have gained 20 pounds now that I'm in my 30's and still think that I'm OK. I'm not in good shape and if I worked out I'm sure I could be a knock out, but really don't care that much. I hate that society makes us believe that some extra weight is disgusting. Unless of course your morbidly obese but other than that, it's a load of crap.

October 10, 2003
4:27 am
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Ela
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Wouldn't it be nice to be one of those people who just embraces life and never worries about stuff like this. I've met a few and I don't know how they do it but they should bottle it.

For instance, I had a delima earlier this year because I cut my hair and it all went wrong. Months down the track and one expensive hairpiece later, I still hate to look in the mirror. Then the other day I rang into an old friend who had gorgeous hair down to her bum. She shaved her head without a second thought to raise money for cancer. God I admire her.

Or there's another aquaintance who is at least three times my size and gets around in summer in a string bikini, not a problem. God I admire her.

I was with my ex for 7 years and he was not into sex, just alcohol. Now I'm single, it's been so long since I've had sex let alone let anyone see me naked it's a teriffying thought so I totally know where you are coming from.

It will happened and hopefully we will wonder what we were worried about right. Best wishes.

October 10, 2003
10:50 am
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tracylyn
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Hummmmm, been thinking about this one and how to respond.

You can say that if he really loves you it shouldn't matter...and it shouldn't, but that doesn't help how women feel about their bodies at all.

See, I have no shame, I don't get embarrassed and I will bare ass in front of anyone. I just always figure that everyone has flaws, everyone has a butt, a belly, a boob....if you've seen one you've seen them all. If mine is not perfect, oh well, F-U for judging!!!

Some might think that I can say this because hey, I'm 5'7 and 120 pounds....but I have been bigger, much bigger, and I've always felt that way. See for me right now....I have absolutely no chest....almost concave...but I really don't care...it's me, it's all I got.

I think it just comes with confidence. I can walk around my house in the buff, walk around my sisters, my girlfriends and yes...guys. I have no quams about being naked. It's about letting your inner beauty come out, let it show.

I'm trying to find the right words to help someone that doesn't feel that way. Really, it's just a matter of I am who I am....just as everyone else is. Maybe it comes because I know I don't judge anyone else so I feel like someone shouldn't judge me.

Also, try to feel sexy and sensual all the time. In your day to day life, job, and everything. Start telling yourself you are sexy all the time and you do start to feel it. Pretty soon you'll be very confident!

I have a girlfriend that was over 300 pounds. She's lost 100 now, but still has more to go. When I go out with her I am always so captured by her presense and her confidence. She jokes "I like going out with you cause you are blonde so you attrack the guys....but then I'll hook them". And you know what, she does, she has the cutest face and the most genuine personality that she ends up with all the best looking guys talking to her. It's great!! She is an inspiration to anyone!!

It's a lot about walking into a room, with or without clothes on and showing pride and confidence. If you can do that, no one notices anything else because you are carrying yourself in a way that deserves to be noticed and admired. If you walk in shy, meek and uneasy...people notice that. This is true for most any situation....your walk shows a lot about how you feel inside!! Be proud...show it off!!! Let that inner beauty shine thru!

T

October 10, 2003
11:25 am
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mj
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Hi T,
I think I'll join a nudist colony to see how it feels to be so self accepting :)giggling....

Seriously, I hear you.
I always had to be perfect to cover up my internal, mental defects. I never weighed more than the minimum on the med. bone scale and weight scale....Most people told me I looked anerxic....I didn't think so. All I could see when I looked in the mirror was I was never good enough. I would play tennis, raquetball, yoga, walk just to keep those muscles toned and I could never even accept a compliment. I totally agree that acceptance of self is the key here.

Now that I weigh 50 lbs more than I use to.....I have more to berate my self over....:)

Just teasing. Being overweight has taught me a few things about myself.
I always have had male admirers....and it never filled me up.
Now, I have myself. I don't have to fight the men off anymore. Less temptations. I am learning to love myself. All of me 🙂 I don't care if I am perfect. I never will be. I am able to know that no matter how much I weigh it is soooo superficial.
Winston Churchill said it so well....
I may be drunk, but tomorrow I will be sober.....You will always be a Rude Bitch...(Something like that)

Anyways, Weight is just another deterent to self love. Self Love is Where its Happening.

Self acceptance and self Love and the nudist colony 🙂

October 10, 2003
8:54 pm
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sosos
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tracylyn/mj....thanks for writing...I try to keep alot of those things in my mind most times. Because I really do love who I am, I develop friendships easily, so I don't know why the hang up with this? It seems so silly for me to give it such thought when it's highly unlikely I'll be naked in front of anyone anytime soon.!!!! Thanks, GF's

October 10, 2003
9:00 pm
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mj
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Hi SOSOS!
How you doing tonight?

October 11, 2003
9:40 am
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sosos
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Doing OK...My daughter's 14th birthday was yesterday, and 4 friends spent the night....Great! They just fell asleep at 7 am!!! Hope my date shows up tonite...

October 11, 2003
9:46 am
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mj
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Slumber parties are so much fun 🙂
I bet you are tired.

So...whose the date with? A first date....I'm all ears.....or eyes 😉

October 11, 2003
10:18 am
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tooscared
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Morning Sosos, my daughter who is 12 had 2 little girls spend the night last night - so one girl is on an air mattress, one is on the trundle, and my daughter is on her bed. I think they got to bed much earlier than your daughter did though. I think it was around 1 am here.

Have fun on your date. Just relax and enjoy yourself. We will be thinking about you and praying that you have a wonderful time.

October 11, 2003
6:48 pm
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gypsygirl
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I was always worried about my body, but I found out that most people really don't care. Men are worried if their penis is big enough, women are worried about being fat, or having strech marks. The only one who judges you is you. Relax and enjoy. When you have fun, all the self critical stuff fades away.

October 11, 2003
9:51 pm
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gingerleigh
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I went shopping for jeans today. Yeah, millions of women out there reading this would sigh in collective sympathy. It doesn't matter how perfect your body is, jeans shopping sucks, especially this season for people like me. I keep thinking I'm just built different from everyone else. Those frickin' low rise jeans should be collected in a massive pile and burned I swear. You squeeze into the damn things, and then try sitting down. Talk about plumber's butt.

So I tried on 23 pairs of jeans. No lie. And walked out with nothing, disgusted, hungry, even more disgusted for being hungry, and depressed. And then I saw this Latino bombshell slinking down the aisle, tossing back her honey colored hair, her ample boobs bouncing slightly. Big flare of jealousy on my part as she glided by, and I tured around to wtch her walk away, and ya know what? Her sweater was a little high in the front, her tummy was bulging out a little over her pants, and her perfect tush, well, let's just say that plumber's butt isn't attractive even on the drop dead gorgeous.

But she was workin' it, looked confident, and obviously did not give a shit. *grin*

October 11, 2003
10:24 pm
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mj
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You go gingerleigh...I would have loved to seen you today. I do the same thing. They keep changing the cut and not the label. I made the mistake of buying a couple of pairs a few weeks back without trying them on and boy they suck. Pockets are shallow and the butt is cut lower. I keep hoping my undies aint showing in back, constantly tugging and arranging them.

But hey, I still love to wear levi's.
Bought my first pair of levi strauss at age 13 and have a hard time wearing other brands after all these years.

October 12, 2003
8:15 am
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sosos
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Date did not show up, go figure! His friend did. I completely understood that this might happen, especially just losing his son last month. I can't even begin to imagine his pain, but it was a sad moment for me nonetheless. His friend was a perfect gentleman who is very interested in my gf and treated us again the entire night. Wanted my numbers to pass on the the other guy. I have them, but it didn't feel right to me. Maybe I'm just plain not meant to date anyone.

October 12, 2003
10:09 am
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mj
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Oh Honey...its ok. You will date again. Remember, feeling whole and being whole, attracts wholeness.

We need to help you work on your attitude girlfriend. Repeat after me,
I am ok just the way I am. I will be like the hipgirl, and be confident.
I love me. I deserve happy and healthy relationships.

Then just read alot of positive affirmations and you will go girlfriend. YOU Do Rock.

October 13, 2003
11:30 am
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tooscared
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I'm so sorry that your date didn't show up Sosos. Please don't take it as a slam on you though. Like you said this man is dealing with a lot of tragedy in his life. It is good the other guy wanted your numbers to pass along.

Don't judge yourself on whether or not a guy showed up for your date. You ROCK girlfriend without anyone else. You are special and unique and wonderful.

You aren't meant to be a loner for the rest of your life either. This date just didn't work out. Don't let it ruin how you see yourself. I think you are great!

October 14, 2003
11:53 am
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gingerleigh
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VALIDATION!!! Even the msn articles are finally seeing the light on those ridiculous jeans!!!

http://slate.msn.com/id/2089623

October 14, 2003
2:12 pm
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tracylyn
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Hahahaha~ Ginger, that article is great. Although, I don't know if they are made for 12 year olds either....I cringe when I see how low the jeans fit on my 12 year old. We had to go out and by special "low rise" underwear so they wouldn't show.

I admit though, that I do go looking for the ones that say "super low rise" or "extreme low rise", I found some at Express that are called Vixen...they are very cool!!!!! You should try them, or some of their others....I was surprising impressed with the fit of the jeans there. Or the Gap has some really good fitting jeans too.

My biggest problem are the flared jeans because for some reason they make the thigh of those jeans so tiny! To get it to fit in the thigh then it's too gib on my waist and vice versa.

I am dumbfounded though by the teenage girls that wear these jeans and belly showing shirts with their big ol' baby fat bellies hanging out.....yikes!! I DO NOT let my daughter do that. No way, no how!

My biggest fear is bathing suit shopping....because with no chest to speak of....no bathing suit looks very good. Oh sure I can get the one with push up bras....but there is nothing to push up so the padding just kind of stands there alone!!! Oh yeah, great visual isn't it!!!!

T

October 15, 2003
10:56 pm
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gingerleigh, buy men's jeans then, they're more comfy :d

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