Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
how do zi break away?
September 4, 2006
12:04 am
Avatar
clownface
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have been in a relationship for 6 yrs with a man who is a counselor and is very controling. He is your basic narcasist (sp).

I have left him only to go back again and again. Finally I gothe courge to buy my own home and moved out of his two weeks ago. Now I feel like I am dying. I am missing him so badly I can hardly stand it. I am going to cousneling but so far with little success.

I called him this evening and we went to dinner. Again I was raked over the coals and told how I did not , could not and would never change--to meet his needs. I set myself up to be disrspected once again.

How can break this codependency? I have left and gone back to him so many times and it is always worse instead of better. I am an intelligent, successful business woman. I SHOULD be able to do this. What is wrong with me???

September 4, 2006
12:12 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

the hardest thing to do is to get out now you just need to stay out of it sweetheart. You know its not good for you. I belive that you need to heal this codependancy before you can truly be happy with your self or in a relationship

September 4, 2006
12:18 am
Avatar
clownface
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

He is not good for me yet I repeat the same behaviors--Call him, begto come back. Go back and then I am miserable again.

There is a 14 yr age differnce between us. My family dislikes him for all the past mistreatment. Yet, I , like a dummy, continue to gravle and beg to go back. I don't understand myself.

September 4, 2006
12:20 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Your not a dummy yur just codepandant on him. The book "Codependancy No more" Is a fablous one. It might help you through this

September 4, 2006
12:34 am
Avatar
clownface
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think I may even have that book, I just need to read it and adhere to what it says.

I struggle through each day. My thoughts are consumed of him. It is just the craziest thing.

I can't talk w/ my fam b/c they want me to be sooooo finished with him. They don't understand that this is like an addiction.

September 4, 2006
12:42 am
Avatar
clownface
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Randenwoman2: Thanks for respondingto my email. I stumbled on this site and posted my first ever thread! I appreciate your thoughts.

September 4, 2006
12:43 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

no problem sweetheart thats what we are here for to help eachother. By the way welcome to this site

September 4, 2006
11:09 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yup...we can become predisposed to toxic relationships with abusive, controlling men. And this man is both abusive AND controlling. Your behavior and agony sound like codependency, to me. Most of us on these threads are in varying stages of recovery from codependency. I can relate. Just the THOUGHT of leaving my abusive ex-fiance would reduce me to a weeping, writing mass of terror and dread. Kid you not. I stayed with him for 16 months. We "danced the dance" of him putting me down, blaming me, criticizing me, treating me harshly and cruelly...and I would be BEGGING this monster to take me back, to smooth things over...

I was so terrified of being abandoned. In the long run, he severed our engagement, wanted me back, then severed it again, in less than 36 hours. That was when I finally bottomed out and cracked. It was that or DIE. I was devastated and totally crushed.

Finally, instead of begging him to take me back (yet one more time), I finally initiated "No Contact." I took control over the relationship for the very first time. I blocked his emails. I blocked him from my home phone. That had to shock the tar out of him when/if he tried contacting me. (I will never know, but I am pretty sure he would have "tested the waters" to see if I would answer or respond).

He lost his whipping post. I won't take his abuse anymore.

Yes, it is painful to lose a RELATIONSHIP. But it is not the man and his toxic behaviors which you miss. It is the feeling of "connection" to another human being. And you can find that connection WITHIN YOURSELF.

We are here for you. Keep posting.

- Strong

September 4, 2006
11:12 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Clown -

Narcissists are truly lethal. Have you found Sam's Website yet? It will help you a great deal. I will get the link for you.

http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSI.....neral.msnw

- Strong

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110924
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38537
Posts: 714209
Newest Members:
delight1080, laticia1, Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer