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How do your raise your children to not be Codependent?
September 30, 2003
3:29 pm
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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I am hoping to hear wisdom from other, WISER parents on this one. I believe that I have a problem with being co-dependent. Everything in my life seems to point to it. I have all respects for my mother, but I HONESTLY believe that this in a LEARNED behavior.
Anyhow, I now have a beautiful, healthy, and angelic son that I do not want to grow up and in 20 or 30 years, ponder on the same thoughts that I find myself fighting with. (Somehow, it's myself that I'm always fighting with.)
How do you raise a child that is capable of loving and depending on theirselve for there own happiness?

September 30, 2003
3:42 pm
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ms.confused
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September 30, 2010
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Thats a really good question.. I find myself asking the same thing. I have two kids 10 and 12 year old girls. They've seen so much in there lifetime that I often worry the same things. My oldest has just discovered boys and I try to tell her to love herself first and not to let any boys try to get her to do things shes uncomfrtable with. I know shes still young but i see so much of myself in her, that it really scares me. I try to make her feel good about herself so she wont have to have anyone else around to do that for her. My other one is still really a baby and i dont see the "pre-teens years" hitting her yet. I just hope love and positive communication is enough to save them both from the painful effects of codependency. They both have been terribly effected already...I know this peolly didnt answer your question but it has me thinking. Maybe some others have some input that can help us both. 😉

Love,
Ms.confused

September 30, 2003
5:31 pm
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Ladeska
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September 27, 2010
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Not sure that question can be answered her in one big swoop! (smile) But you can start down the path in your own life regarding becoming educated yourself, establishing some better patterns of behavior and how to have boundaries and just live better, differently than you have. Children catch what we "do" not what you...say.

I'd just start the process by doing alot of reading and continue in that. Talk here, maybe find a good counselor that will do some creative things with you like role playing.

Basically it's just starting the journey and being committed to it - that really turns the tide here. No quick fixes. You learn as you go and you enjoy your child as you go. You're going to make mistakes, we're all human.

There are alot of good people here to learn from and throw examples out at and say - what do you think of this, what would be the healthy thing to do in a situation like this. Maybe just start by doing that and ripping up some old roots in your life and laying different patterns down, as you learn things.

The big journey all starts with one small step. You've made that now, so keep stepping.....one step, at a time. Glad to have you here!

September 30, 2003
8:39 pm
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i think there's no way that being the good example for him to follow.

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