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How do you treat men?
December 10, 2001
1:31 pm
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artist 2
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15 days and I want him back. I poisoned the relationship with my anger and rage. i screw it up every time with that crap. Just like my mother. I hate that she never taught me the proper way to behave with a man!!! All I learned was berate him and keep him down. If you don't get what you want, keep at it until he gives in. SO IMMATURE! I wish I knew a better way. She never taught me how to nurture or make a man feel safe. They always feel afraid of my anger. I can't find anyone who wants to stay with me!!!

December 10, 2001
1:41 pm
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Why can't I find anyone!!!! I AM REALLY ENRAGED AT THIS! 🙂

December 10, 2001
2:04 pm
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Question for ya... how do you treat women? Doesn't seem like we should necessarily treat men differently then we treat women right? Golden rule, treat others the way that you would like to be treated.

My dear, is there any particular reason why you need to find someone? Why the compelling need to be "coupled"? I'm not finding fault with the need, just asking you to see if you can put a finger on why you feel it... Some possibilities, things I've felt, things others have felt, maybe they would trigger some thoughts in you...

Biological clock. I have to get paired up so that I can start a family by the time I'm 30/35/40. All my friends are paired up - I'm outcast if I'm not with someone. I don't feel loved. Uf I'm not with a man, I feel like no one loves me. There's something wrong with me - if I'm not with a man, then it must be that I'm not not good enough. If I'm with a man, then I'm normal. If I'm not with a man, then I'm less than normal. I need someone to protect me. I'm lonely. If someone else loves me, then I must not be all that bad. But if no one is in love with me, then all those awful things that I think about myself must be true.

(The media doesn't help this time of year either, does it? If I hear one more engagement ring ad on the radio I'm going to break the antenna off my car, drive to the nearest Kay Jeweler's and cram it up someone's ass.)

Am I barking up the wrong tree? Feel free to tell me if I'm out in left field. That tends to happen to me daily. I even have my own park bench out there so that I can be comfortable when I wander over there mumbling to myself.

December 10, 2001
2:11 pm
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Biological clock - CHECK. I'm lonely - CHECK. If someone loves me, then I must not be that much of a bitch - CHECK. Thankfully, there's nothing wrong with me if I'm not with a man. Just a feeling of uncertainty, a feeling of being out of place when I'm not being loved. There's a certain feeling of being an outcast... remember the Sneetches of Dr. Seuse?

Yesh, it's not only the media, but the friggin weather too!!! cold outside honey, come inside with me by the fire... winter's the time when lovers cuddle and people huddle at parties... I HATE IT ALL.

December 10, 2001
2:14 pm
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artist 2
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I usually treat women with a lot more gentleness than I treat men. Guess I sympathise with them. Some I know get hit, and sh** on by men - just because men are being unaccountable. I don't hate men, nor do I love women more than men. The tendency of men to act like little boys annoys me to no end!!! The women in their lives let them get away with it I guess. Maybe they should be pounded too.

December 10, 2001
2:43 pm
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Molly
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I have learned a little bit about men, they really are like little boys, simple, easy going, and as long as their father's were not complete bullies, learning domestic controll etc. they really aren't all that bad.
They aren't at all like women, they don't read us, they can't read our minds, and when we realize how good they can follow requests, not orders, they take pleasure in doing most of our bidding, as long as they get acknowleged and not abused. They don't like deep discussions, don't like to discuss feelings, are much in the chit chat department. Some are more evolved than others, some are more trainable than others, some have been really wrecked by their mothers, and relationships growing up. We really can be such demanding bitches. Some of them are worth the effort, and others aren't. One's who give us black eyes, well they fall in the second catagory. Its just the with drawl, its hard to not wonder what is wrong with us, when it was him, or the two of you together that was just a bad mix. Don't wear it. Ok ????????????????

December 10, 2001
2:48 pm
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It's a new day, g.f. The past is gone.

Practice a little deep breathing here and think about the first men and women you ever loved. How did they treat you--how did they treat each other? No placing blame in this thinking--just observe--more deep breathing--it's calming and you need your emotions out of this to learn why you learned to think or feel the way you do,now--the way that is making you unhappy.
The bottom line is that what ever the reason--the situation has changed--you need to learn why so that you can let go and move on--you have the power to make yourself happy--you do know a better way. AND --to find some one that wants to be with you--the first step is to want to be with yourself--get over that and the rest will fall in line--in it's own way and in it's own time. That's life's rule--we can't dictate what others do--not and expect them to want to stay with us. So, if you are with someone who won't "tow the line"--do both of yourselves a favor--get away from that person if they are doing things that you can't accept--or--if the relationship is important enough to keep--learn to let your expectations go. We all have the right to be who we truly are and to be respected for it--male and female.
Later.
Artist

December 10, 2001
3:26 pm
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You women are so wonderful.

Artist:

my mother was a total bit** to my dad and he took, took, took it all until the day she died. He had her by a string with his calmness, his quiet wisdom, and patience. She - the opposite. Her bitch**ness must have been something exciting for him. I don't really know and cannot now analyze it. I do know they fought a lot and made up passionately, and somehow ended up loving each other even better than before. So, that's of course what I learned. I need men who can be strong and take it, without fearing it, I guess? Guess as far as being with myself - it's a new day and I am enjoying seeing myself grow and be capable of entertaining, and helping HER inside.

Molly: I too have once believed this about men. But, after being hit by one, and having a string of men who are either afraid of me, or don't understand me, or think I'm some clingy, needy domestic demon... well, I'm fed up - completely fed up. I really just want it to fall in my lap now... waiting here. I've been a ood girl.... is Santa gonna bring me a strong, loving, patient man to share life with?

December 10, 2001
4:00 pm
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Molly
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Santa will bring him, but are you really ready to receive him? this relationship thing is a strange dance, I know my divorce attourney an old jewish mobster type, who had eight daughters gave me the greatest advice, which of course I ignored. He called me for what it was, I was walking wounded, with a false sense of ego, he told me to not date any one for at least one year, and when I did, to sample all sorts of dates, and to not hook up for a total of three years. If it seems like you have dated, and romanced a string of loosers, hmmmmmmmmm what are you putting out there? No offense, just what we women do, hell not like I have the prince of princes, he is the one that hooked me up with the lawyer though, har har. But one thing I know of for sure, is he doesn't buy into my crap, and loves me to death most of the time, is simple, and I am about as complex as you get, down to the micro manutia. ( Sp) Patience, patience, patience. Never surrender.
I doubt your clingy, your most likely swimming in the wrong pond, and need some one a bit more grounded, perhaps the balance would be a business man, non artistic type. Just a thought. Ugh type A personality to balance him out, and ground your creativity ?

December 10, 2001
4:06 pm
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Thanks Mol... I'm not going to be able to wait that long. Will take my chances and let that next unsuspecting know what a looney I really am. Watch Out Buddy! Sure, a boring, typical, staunch personality might be just the grounding I need. I appreciate your input!

December 10, 2001
5:33 pm
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Molly
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blondie, a fan, I have a fan? Just turned 48, scorpio, with a sag rising, and if ya want chinese, year of the snake. I was raised at a mortuary, dad was third generation. Watch 6 feet under, yes we had a strange approach to life. Married number one hubby at 19 first born 5 years later, then another after 25 months, both girls. Married the first time for 14 years, and Sybil was on me like white on rice way before the ink dried on the divorce papers. Been with him on and off, and on and off since then. I am his fourth wife, and he is hispanic, good looking but gimme a break. I went to school while sitting with my dad for focus, he had gone to long with out oxygen with the last heart attack, lasted for a year. That was after he discovered how good valium and vodka blocked out mom, and then when dad discovered sobriety, mom discovered the vallium vodka combo with wine for ya know dinner through dessert. School, well a paper that says bs in sociology, and ms in sociology, and Certified, drug and alcohol counselor. Figured I would learn about something I know. Really although I walk a fine line, the only family member who isn't, alcoholic, or addicted, just co-dependent har har. sis was a 12 step nazi, but has balanced out, I guess, just kidding sis,bro is still trying to get over his childhood. We had a strange upbringing,our parents never grew up, crazy, but I didn't have it bad, think it got worse for the sis, and bro had a rough time he is 7 years younger. no organized religion masonic code, was it for several generations on both sides of the family so I married a good ole catholic boy, twice har har. Really pretty boring when you look at some people.
I am a read-aholic,studied medical books, psych books, and love to understand what makes people tick, used to work at a clinic when I was only seven, was supposed to be a doctor, but boys got in the way. I can remember discussions with my dad even as a kid, yes I was daddy's girl. Made it up the corporate ladder before the girls were born, hubby was a yuppie, we had it really good for a while, then he just went wierd, reminds me of Ranmar and wacko, but hubby went wacko, and I out wierded him when I followed through on the divorce. We had it all. I went to work in Sybils place for 5 years, then opened my own counseling thing, lost my ass, and then a friend asked me to work at a methadone clinic, where I really learned about life and addiction through my clients, I loved the work and the population, just the hours sucked and so did the pay, and the bull the clients had to go through. I left sybil after a 6 month seperation, right after my mom died, and youngest graduated from high school. Spent a year on my own in paradice, before Sybil came knocking on my door challenging my belief in recovery and my integrity with commitment. I moved back to a town I hated right after I moved her in 87, and went back to work at the clinic part time, panicked for money, and rebelled at Medical fraud, and thought I could sell real estate down here, which I have, but would rather work with heroin addicts than other real estate agents, so right after the first of the year, I am going to open private practice again, and am starting up a non-profit organization. I have of course spent the last 3 months pondering and came to that conclusion.
I guess I have just been lucky in my life, with what I got from both of my parents despite their personal issues. The situations that life has presented, the lessons that I have had the opportunity to learn, the mentors that have been placed on my path, my ability to get out side of my self, as well as my ability to be so self absorbed, what I have observed, and remain open, as well as resilliant. Life is a game, only survivors win, you just have to figure out everyone elses agenda, right? Damn there are alot of gaps there, ugh ugh but should give you a clue as to who I am, and if hello your still awake there, pretty damn boring.

December 10, 2001
5:36 pm
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pam g fu
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artist2

you are not the only one that seems to get angry and push them away i have a bad habit of pushing the maximum launch buttons also and like blondie to see if they are going to go the distanc or just along for the ride. when you get to be my age (12/15 - the big 50) they seem to think that we are so organized, and financially stable, huh, what a surprise they have in store for them. so don't feel bad you are not alone.

December 10, 2001
5:56 pm
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Thanks Pam.

December 10, 2001
8:54 pm
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Molly
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I get this visual of holding them by the collar, so they won't slip away, while we are kicking their butt out the door, I hate you don't you dare leave me, ahhhhhhh the rant of the co-dependent. Ever read that cartoon strip Life in Hell? I just love it.

December 11, 2001
11:50 am
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Molly
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I have been told many times that I am an old soul, my dad due to his occupation, we lived in Garden Grove, he played golf with the minister of the Crystal Cathredal, when it was a drive in theather, as well as the now Cardinal Mahoney, and the famous LA corner, we used to have great conversations and they used to hint at those things, even when I was a kid. yea, spent most of my child hood, alone, I guess that is why I am comfortable in my own skin, and learned to entertain my self. We had a swing set in the front yard, I used to pretend that all of the people at the funerals came for my performance, what ever, had the firedepartment on the other side, and used to make mud pies for the fireman, learned early how to get the attention of men. But as far as the matter of fact description of my history, I guess, I try to not empower the things that do not serve me, and empower those experiences that do. I find that as I age, that black and white thing is true, and direct, ugh, been told many times, ugh why don't you tell us how you really feel, why mince words? But I am learning to let the grey figure out if it is going to be black or white, in its own time. these last two years, have truly been a test in my development of patience, ( a birth defect) but I now know you don't get those at birth but have to grow them. I always find it amazing the connections that I make with people, they are either deep or really not at all, and I have such a varity of connections, and we all seem to fit together real great, just like the tribe. Nice to have you in my life too. A wise woman in your own right.

December 11, 2001
1:30 pm
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Molly
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Well, if you think your off the deep end with that process, I just wanna share, that I paid $300 for that information one day in a seminar that said how to make your dream come true. It suggested for career choice to go back into your child hood, and try to remember what you did for fun, I played an indian princess healer, who was always playing with the weeds, grinding them and flowers into potions, to go with the mud pies, which also had to be used as a poultice, healer as a child, makes you wonder about past lives ?? The seminar also to pick 5 imaginary friends to be with you for consultations all the time, like when you can's sleep, I always have Goldie Hawn there because she always giggles,Audry Hepburn because she was such a lady, Joan of Ark because she was a take no crap kinda babe, and Mary is usually there, with my jokster angels when I haven't asked them to watch over some one else.
So, can't call you crazy because of your dinner guests, and if you do invite me, don't expect me to eat liver or any thing like that, coffee, and oatmeal cookies work great. ugh with raisns. OMG, discovered a new temptation last night, chocolate covered dried cranberries, I don't even like chocolate, and such a pig was I.

December 11, 2001
1:31 pm
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Cici
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Hey, I was talking to my carbon-copy friend who I've known since we were 10. She has diagonsed bipolar and we came to the consensus that we relationships can really aggravate rage episodes. Obviously, I guess.

Maybe this is a good thing. Time to get a handle on yourself and figure out what boundaries you want in your personal and social life. Then, in the next relationship, you can start off with a healthy foundation to support your further growth.

Whaddaya think?

December 11, 2001
2:26 pm
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Cici, can you go into details step-by-step on this one?

December 11, 2001
9:06 pm
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Molly
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How the hell did you end up in the city ? Oh, never mind, its like how did I end up here. I have Native American blood as well, my brother managed to loose all of the family things, photos yada yada. there was quite a bit. But oh well.
When I had my center before I had a healing network, with all kinds of hands on healers, psychics, herbalists, the whole thing, no santamaria stuff, not to much of it out here, you have to go into the barrios to find them, and most don't speak english. The gypsies are the only ones I stay away from, they have all the power, but you'll end up if your not on top of them signing over your mortgage if your not careful, they will suck you dry, for all those candles. Used to have a coven of friends that were into Wicca, interesting group, love the way they celebrate women. I guess I believe in the possibilities, some people have this gift, some that, some got it and don't want it. One of my psychic friends thought that most of the people that really had issues with addictions were just to sensitive, had the gifts, but feared them, or were not trained at an early age how to honor them, so they just numbed it all. He also used to steel energy from churches. Interesting concept don't you think? He had a brother a priest in the Catholic Church that shared a few things with him. Fact or fiction, hmmmmmm most likely fact....

December 12, 2001
8:25 am
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HEY, Don't be to harsh on the gypsies!!!!!! I do birth charts and I can sense auras. I have even been able to see people as they were in a past life. And I don't even charge.

December 12, 2001
2:15 pm
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Molly
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Then your not of the same tribe as some of those that have crossed my path, just like any other group, good and bad. I have run into 4 of them casually interviewing them, and having readings done, they are the only women I have encountered that requested thousands and I am serious thousands of dollars to do what they suggested needed to be done, it just makes you go huhhhhhh? Most of the alternative healing workers that are authentic have been real hard pressed to take even a donation for their efforts. Not putting ya all down. Just sensory cautious.

December 12, 2001
5:01 pm
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pam g fu
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Artist2

how about just getting them a collar and a leash with their own dog house where they spend most of their time any how.

December 17, 2001
8:43 pm
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Garden
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I believe I have the same problem as you do. I am so mean to the men I see and they are the nicest to me. I also grew up in an environment where my mom treated my father poorly. Right now, I am working on my independence. Making sure I don't become to clingy/possessive in relationships. Remember to think before you act...people only know you by how you act to them. Show them you're happy side, and if they do something to piss you off....tell them calmly...they probably don't even realize they've hurt you.

December 17, 2001
9:53 pm
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Blondie, your not a dog killer are you? J/K

December 17, 2001
10:05 pm
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Yes, there are those dogs....ohhey, I'm the "carbon copy" of Cici's by the way:) She just told me about this site. It is a true gift to have a caring man in your life. She has one and she treats him like shoot too:) (sorry cici you know it's true:)) He, fortunately takes it. I on the other hand have a very independent man who has not had many relationships. He is the most caring person...and I truely believe this. I am always trying to push his buttons to see how he feels. But, man, sometimes those buttons are just there to look at as the "red button" and shouldn't ever be pressed. What I am doing, as I stated before is just having a bit of distance. Luckily, we have no kids for this to affect. I have been with guys who've beat up on me, who have treated me poorly...and to tell you the truth, it hasn't been all their fault. I'm a bitch when I've degressed to clinginess, HOWEVER, when I'm an independent person a lot of other things that go wrong (silly things) don't bother me as much. I don't need anyone...I would like someone. I have someone...we're just taking a break. HELL NO WAS IT ANY OF MY FAULT TO BE BEAT UP ON! But, with other men...all they want is peace...they want a "whatever forever" attitude. Just take a break and re establish your independence. You need your own life before you can share it with someone else.

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