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How do you to attract the ones you're attracted to?
September 15, 2005
7:45 pm
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I like this discussion. My h has told the kids that I was "hot", and that was the attraction.

I didn't cultivate that, and I don't think it was conscious. But there must have been something else there that kept him around.....

what I am struggling with now is that my life goals may not have been met. I never worked hard enough at the truly rewarding "career" things to feel accomplished. I always put h and family first if there was conflict, and really stressed when trying to keep it all together.

There's a Canadian fiction writer, Gabrielle Roy, who tells a story about a fantastic artist who lived his life nomadically in the great Canadian back woods. His sketches and paintings were often ruined by the elements or given away. A monk discovered him, and found funds to send him away to Paris to get proper training with the great artists, and the man learns a great deal about himself and how to better contribute his wonderful talent to the rest of the world.

Had he not been able to do this, the one thing that "completed" him, his artistic talent, would have been lost on the world. I know this might sound idealistic, but if a person is not following what they "need" to do to feel "worthy", at some point in their life, they can experience a sort of "grief".

I'm not sure if it is too late, but it is much more difficult to stay focused as I get older. I am trying to work on this. I am struggling with depression and motivation. This is truly truly hard for me.

I believe this is keeping me from enjoying my life or myself right now, and I can tell thqat I do not like myself or others very much as a result.

I think this is the key to "attracting" other people. Just do it, was the Nike slogan. Or just let it go and be happy with who you are??

All I know is the truth -- my kids seem to be living their lives happily without much contact with me, and my husband drinks alot when we are together. I'm pretty sure I'm not "hot" anymore!! People can get beat up by life -- tragedy, grief, abuse, etc. You really have to try to stay on track and follow your "passion" as well as you can. THAT is attractive!!

September 15, 2005
8:00 pm
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exoticflower
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I think it's more about looking at what you need from another. If you would need to pretend to be someone you wheren't to attract someone you concider interesting enough for you...what does that say about you? FIrst, that you don't think you are very interesting, second, that you don't think people that are like you are right or enough...maybe that you should reasses what falls short in these people that you aren't interested in and what you feel you are lacking that these 'better' people possess to make them worthy...does that make sense? (here I am using 'you' as meaning one in general, not you specifically)

September 16, 2005
11:37 am
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July1209
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An affirmation I like goes "Being lost is the first part of a journey". I have been lost and found and lost again. How I define myself I think effects what I show other and how I feel when lost. I have to work on it, but loving myself and see myself as beautiful even when things are bad. I define myself based on too much superficial stuff that really isn’t me. I got to get to the basis of what is unchangeable about me. Like I know I am eclectic. That doesn’t change it just is.

It seems like there are four scenarios in my romantic relationship world.

One, I like him he doesn't like me. (Why? What is wrong with me? - This is my unhealthy response to it)

Two, he likes me I don't like him. (I don't want to hurt him, poor him, I know how this feels - This is my unhealthy response to it)

Three, I like him he likes me, but this isn't what I want.
(I stay and pray he becomes what I want. After waiting this long, I don't want to go through one and two again, I want him to be it. – This is my unhealthy response to it)

Four, I like him he likes me, and this is what I want.
(Hasn't happened yet – I waist too much time on three to ever find a four)

I want to enjoy dating. I want to get through one, two, and three and still walk away happy. I am trying to improve this because I really want someone special to share my life with. I want a four. I can’t wait. Oh wait, correct, I CAN WAIT! 🙂

What I think makes a friendship is time, patients, common intrest, honesty, openess, understanding, and mutual effort. This is an area I am confident in.

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