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How do you stop caring?
December 17, 2003
1:40 pm
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unhappy camper
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How do you stop caring?

That is the question.

Even if you accept how rotten they are to you, why is there that pain?

Why do you still desire them?

I know it's been explained before, but I am so hurt right now I can't remember.

Help.

December 17, 2003
2:06 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi UC,

I don't know if there is a way that you ever really stop "caring" - to do so would perhaps not be human.

However, you can still "care" and move on. I still care about people that have hurt me in the past that I don't want them to ever be seriously hurt, injured or ill - but, that does not mean that my life has stopped because I'm so worried about them.

Make sense?

Zinnie

December 17, 2003
2:57 pm
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artist 2
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Are you punishing yourself?

December 18, 2003
4:42 am
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vegas
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UC,

You're not the only one who would like to know.

I can only speak from my experiences, but, with my heartreak, I found that my pain eventually subsided. It's still there like a closed wound, though. In time, that will heal. The caring (the caring and worrying and carrying on about every single aspect in romeo's life, romeo's future, romeo's everything) gradually got less also...I first began realizin this cuz whenever I prayed for romeo the sincerity from deep in my heart was harder and harder to find. Now I pray for him cuz of old times' sake...cuz I still want better for romeo.

Anyhow, this is after four months of anguish. But I still have a ways to go.

I don't think there really is anything you can do to stop caring, esp for someone you've loved so much. It's just a matter of moving on and learning to live life without him.

We all will heal in our own time...When you know that you've had enough of the pain, as if you've felt all the hurt you can feel and it's all run out...when you have found the courage and faith to let it go to God.

you're okay, UC. Everything in time.

hugs, vegas

December 23, 2003
11:47 pm
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khrodeo
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I am in the same boat. I have just lost the love of my life and I can't stop caring. I think and pray about him every day. Sometimes the hurt is to much to deal with. They tell me that time heals. I wish time would hurry. hugs in Texas

December 24, 2003
12:25 am
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slr
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I wish I knew the answer..for 4 years I have been married to someone who does not seem to care about me, or make me think he does for a day or two and then his Jekyl/Hyde personality comes thru..he give me just enough to keep me hanging..and caring..if I could just stop caring..I WOULD have it made!

December 24, 2003
2:56 am
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free
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This is such a hard question uc.

I've thought about this for a bit. It's a very good question.

I don't know the answer.

I cared for so long. So deeply.

I know that I was one of the few who knew and saw and heard the hurt little boy inside of this grown man who hit and hurt and devastated me. I so wanted to hold and comfort that little boy. No matter what he did to me. I just knew that if I could just comfort him, things would okay.

A very painful discovery for me was that inside of my own self was a hurt little girl who desperately longed for the comfort I offered to him.

At some point, I let go of him. And began to take care of her.

And then, things changed.

free

December 24, 2003
5:29 am
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vegas
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free, how beautiful.

December 24, 2003
6:14 am
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Kessie
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Oh how I wish I knew the answer to that question!
Always we long for the unattainable, a feeling rooted deep in our childhood. The less emotionally available to object of our love, the more desirable it becomes. We try and try, but still there is no answer. In time these feelings will subside, but for may of us this is a long time indeed. Our personalities do not change, but after many months/years of rejection and hurt, our feelings for a particular person will lessen. There is no easy solution, but the comfort of knowing that we are not alone is valuable. Try lessening your 'caring' bit by bit, try to prepare yourself for disappointment, - to be prepared is helpful. Try not to hope for too much, to settle for less. Little by little, it all helps.
Love K

December 24, 2003
6:16 am
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Kessie
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Whoops - 'to object of our love' should read 'the object......' sorry

December 24, 2003
7:04 am
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HARRYO
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I don't see the caring as the problem.
What was the equation that I posted
in the letting go thread?
attachment=need=fear. I think
all those equal hurt.
Then: detachment + acceptance +time=
healing.
Its OK to care and its OK to share.
Its not OK to hold on to something
that you can never have.
YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING IF YOU
LET YOURSELF BE!!!!!!

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