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How do you learn not to need someone else to feel whole?
March 18, 2005
4:14 pm
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Beth_v2005
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That is what I am trying to learn. I am going through a divorce, and very worried that I will attach myself to someone else just to feel better. That is what I have always done, and I am trying to break the pattern. I am very afraid once he is gone, even though he was bad for me, that I will be vulnerable and he find someone equally bad for me.

Also has anyone read any good books about this?

Thanks,
Bet

March 18, 2005
4:19 pm
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Lacyone
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I am in the same type of relationship cycle. I always find someone or they find me and I get back in the same pattern.

Some books I am reading are The Courage to be Yourself, Letting Go and Facing Love Addiction.

March 18, 2005
4:22 pm
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suckernomore
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i'm a big fan of the 12-steps for breaking patterns, takes the onus off of me to change the pattern and puts it on the God of my understanding...just my .02 and it works:)

March 18, 2005
4:28 pm
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angel4U
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Hi Beth_v2005,

I am sorry to hear about your divorce, and am sure these are hard times for you. (((HUGS)))

One suggestion - take some time for yourself right now ... after a break up we all need time to go through the stages of loss. Let yourself feel what you need to feel ... and go ahead and cry if you need to!

Also, take some time to write out a list of what you are looking for in a partner (and friendships for that matter), and what you will not accept. And keep that list close by and read it everyday.

Some good books I have read to help me "see" and stop the pattern of staying in unhealthy relationships include: "Safe People" by Dr. Henry Cloud. Other books by the same author include: "Changes That Heal", "Boundaries", "Boundaries In Dating".

Stay strong my friend, you have lots of support here from people that have been or are going through the same things you are.

Angel4U

March 18, 2005
4:59 pm
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trying2getwell
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Angel4U,
I'm going to try your list idea. Sounds like something that might help me.

March 18, 2005
5:09 pm
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angel4U
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I found them to be excellent. They are written from a Christian standpoint, but more from a spiritual rather than religous view. I think anyone could benefit from them. They offer books on CD's and videotaped seminars too, if you're not an avid reader.

For along time I didn't know what my problem was ... when I read up on this whole concept of Boundaries a light bulb went off!

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