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how do you know when you've integreated?
November 14, 2001
7:32 pm
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nome
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how do you know when integreation has happened,and is it different from co-conciousness? is integreation a loss? why choose one over the other? do i really choose,or does either just happen over time?

November 15, 2001
10:23 am
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artist 2
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are you referring to becoming part of a group?

November 15, 2001
9:30 pm
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janes
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As in multiples? ...personalities?

I wouldn't know for sure.

...don't remember anyone here being a multiple ever. Never know tho' we seeem to be a pretty varied group.

Do you have a therapist to ask?

November 16, 2001
12:06 pm
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Molly
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my question would be, how complete do you feel, how much at peace are you, and do your heart and head seem to be insink ? Do your actions match your words, and thoughts? I truly believe you would know, and the only one that has the answer.

November 16, 2001
1:46 pm
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Ladeska
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.....well....the last time I "tried" to integrate...I did lose consciousness for a short period of time...left my body and couldn't get back in. Door was locked. Forget my keys again...

Don't really know if I was co-conscious or not, didn't really realize if anyone else was there with me or not...usually I notice though, depends on what I ate the night before.

I think you definitely choose whether or not to integrate, but only if your conscious, otherwise - your sub-conscious will choose for you and won't necessarily email the decision to your conscious state. Bad move, nerve racking to say the least...

The only time that I've noticed it just happening over time is when....the evil queen decides to just do it for me....hate it when that happens, she's so nasty at times...usually gives me quite the headache and if she locks the door - then - you guessed it - can't get back in....usually wonder around for hours and hours in limbo when that happens....

Pretty much the whole thing is a toss up as to which one is better. I've heard there is a govt. study being done on it as we speak - to the tune of a rough mil I think. Those tax dollars at work, eh?

November 16, 2001
3:25 pm
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Ladeska
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Blondie and nome....I am a very bad girl...and I apologize profusely for my smart-a** post here. I really thought someone was just fooling around and then I acted like a fool. Please don't take wrong, not familiar with the language and stepped in it royally here. That'll teach me to drink 7 cups of coffee within two hours when I usually only drink maybe - 1 cup! Still twitching over here and it's noon...

November 19, 2001
5:00 pm
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Ladeska
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Blondie....(Snort, chuckle!!!) Ah yes, you just have no idea how people have joked about me having MPD's! If I do - they are a merry little tribe, full of mischief and extremely contrary.

Hey, I just look at the whole thing - this way - how the hell else is a child supposed to survive - if they don't split at one point or another, some temporary and some permanently? There's only so much terror that a child can go through.

Graceful swan on a smooth pond???? (rolling, laughing, choking, spitting up.....snicker, cackle) okay, okay, I'm better now.... Man, good stuff, those drugs you're takin' over there!! I'm about as graceful as a water buffalo in high heels. God better give me some "gifts", otherwise, I would have blown myself up a long time ago - just making toast! Thing about helping the fallen is - they just appreciate it, if you sit down in the mud puddle and say - Hey, what's up? Cool mud, ain't it?

November 19, 2001
6:48 pm
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Ladeska
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Okay, knock it off over there. Guess this is where I graciously say - "thank you"...(smile) You know, sometimes....I just sit and look back...a long, long time ago and I remember....a very sad, very lonely, very beaten up little girl that didn't know the first thing about grace, about love, about anything bright and shining.... I could barely speak to anyone without my face shaking so violently that I would have to stop eventually. If you raised your voice to me - my head would roar and my thoughts would completely spin out of control. I often just sat and rocked back and forth or banged my head against the wall.

To me now - anything past that point in the road - is to be a swan, even if I'm nothing more than a sparrow - I don't care....that's fine with me. Having grace to me is just "being able to function". God has been so good to me, as He has been to you. Where things have been ripped out by the roots - He has planted trees bearing fruit...sometimes just because He wants me to see things grow...(smile) I've seen so much death....watching things grow, watching people grow...is so much medicine for me.

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