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how do you know when it is time to leave and alcoholic?
October 17, 2005
1:38 pm
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ronzo
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At what point do you decide you have done all you can?

October 17, 2005
1:53 pm
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Anonymous
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when you are ready.

nobody can make the decision for you.

try some coda meetings (www.coda.org) or an al-anon meeting.

you need to start taking care of yourself and your own needs. recognizing the negative effect his drinking has on you and all the areas of your life - do you think you deserve it?

you may not be a quitter - but do you really want to go down with a sinking ship???? sometimes our own self interest is more important than being a quitter.

being a winner means knowing when the right time to quit is.

he may sink lower when you leave - but his drinking and mental health is NOT your responsibility. YOUR mental health is YOUR responsibility.

love yourself first, the answers should be clear once you do that.

October 17, 2005
1:58 pm
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kathygy
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I think I already answered this in your other thread. The more you love yourself the easier it will be to answer this question. You will not want yourself to be suffering so much of the time.

October 17, 2005
2:00 pm
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Anonymous
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consider this - you say you are a teacher - what would you tell a student if they came to you with the same story? what kind of warm advice would you give that child?

now, take that loving advice, and turn it in towards yourself - you deserve it.

October 17, 2005
2:14 pm
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ronzo
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I would tell the student to run. Point taken! I am going to a support meeting first, then I will act. I must do this first so that I know I did all I could. I have no courage the way things are. I will miss the comfort and companionship. When I met him I thought he was the one. Maybe he still is. Its sad.

October 17, 2005
2:19 pm
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Anonymous
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he can't commit to you as long as he is committed to drinking...the bottle comes before you.

that's hard to accept.

start with the support groups...it should give you the awareness of "WHY" this won't change - and how to live with it if you don't want to leave and what is in store for you if you don't.

don't get me wrong - people live with alcoholics - it happens - but either they are totally unhappy cuz of the problems - or they have worked hard to not let the alcoholism affect them - but it takes ALOT of work - and most people who stay aren't satisfied with what they get in return - but stay anyway for their own reasons.

I know how it feels to want to know you did everything you could - I was like that - still am in some ways.

just keep it in the back of your head that no matter WHAT you do, you won't get him to quit drinking - he has to choose himself first.

I don't think he is the one from what you tell me - cuz you deserve SOOOO much more than this...

how much comfort and companionship do you TRULY get from this man when his bottle is his best friend?

and what is the price tag? look what it has done to other areas of your life...the price is way too high for anyone.

but go to meetings, it will help you see what you are up against.

October 17, 2005
5:24 pm
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mrdibbs
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When you ask yourself that very same question!!!!!

October 17, 2005
5:27 pm
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CAMER
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when you just cannot take it anymore...and mean it...and know that YOU need to make the changes.

October 17, 2005
7:25 pm
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22haha
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Nothing you do will change anything. You can do all you can until you are blue in the face and it wont make a lick of differnece. THEY have to do all they can!! It is not up to you and you can't make anything better. You leave when you can't accept him for him exactly like he is. You leave when you realize you deserve a hell of a lot better. His company is nice but wouldn't it be great to have someone else's company who doesn't get bombed all the time? Don't think you are alone - I ask myself the same question daily!! Just wish I could take me own advise. Easier said than done! Good luck.

October 17, 2005
9:42 pm
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human drama
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Just got a call today from out of state.
There comes this little greeting after I said hello. It informs you that it is a collect call from a prision and then Beep - the familiar persons name chimes in.
Back to the greeting - push one to accept or hang up to decline.

This happened this afternoon.
My wonderful sister.
In her case drugs come first.

She was arrested and through the ringer a couple years ago. Bail bonds man forgave her debt during holidays.
Lost her kids, fought to get them back

In her case the drugs come before everything good in her life, including her children.

She did not ask for bail and I did not offer.

I know now from experience that she has to help herself. I can no longer be used to enable her habbit.

Hope this helps
HD

October 17, 2005
10:19 pm
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lost and found
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ronzo-get a book on boundries. start setting them. more than likley you have codependent issues you are not aware of. leaving one alchoholic does not mean you wont end up with another one. the personality traits you exhibit will be the same unless you work really hard to boundry up.
when you set good boundries, you will be saving yourself and letting him make his own decisions. this will set you free from the alcoholic.
then you will know if you will stay or leave. the right time to leave if you choose, will be when you don't need to ask anybody else what to do.you will do it and you won't care what anybody else thinks.

October 17, 2005
10:19 pm
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lost and found
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ronzo-get a book on boundries. start setting them. more than likley you have codependent issues you are not aware of. leaving one alchoholic does not mean you wont end up with another one. the personality traits you exhibit will be the same unless you work really hard to boundry up.
when you set good boundries, you will be saving yourself and letting him make his own decisions. this will set you free from the alcoholic.
then you will know if you will stay or leave. the right time to leave if you choose, will be when you don't need to ask anybody else what to do.you will do it and you won't care what anybody else thinks.

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