Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
How do you know if he loves you?
January 16, 2006
1:13 am
Avatar
Lostrose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My ex would say or text he loved me when he was on drugs. When he was coming down from drugs he would say it but not as often. We aren't together since Thanksgiving & he's been clean since then.

We have been talking more by phone this past week & he even left me a message telling me he missed me & wanted to hear from me, & take care. I know he has a problem saying I love you cause he never heard his mom say it (she beat him all the time) He never heard the words I love you until he was around 14. I know he still cares about me but how does a person know if he loves you when he doesn't say it?

January 16, 2006
1:18 am
Avatar
tinkrbell
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Have you ever asked him why he doesn't say it?

Men, even the ones that have had normal lives don't say it like they should. They have problems putting their feeling out there for us to see.
Who knows why they just do.

Now that he's straight are you going to try to work thru things?

tink

January 16, 2006
1:19 am
Avatar
alycia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

From my experience u never fully know if a person loves you, saying it means very little, when times r tough and a person runs that tells me how much love they had for me. I heard 'i love you' everyday but when the chips were down so to speak he got going so maybe someone else can help you. My point is saying and doing are two different things, he can say it til the cows come home, in the end its his actions that speak louder. I know u wanna hear it but at the end of the day it means very little, focus on what he does, rather than what he says... Sorry if this doesn't seem to come out too well but i learnt from experience 'i love you' is too easy to say....Some men hit women on a daily basis and finish off with i am sorry but i love you.. Do they really? You will know if he loves you ... Does he stick it out when times are tough? Is he there for u unconditionally? Thats love....... maybe u can say it too sometimes and he may then say it more as well .... good luck

January 16, 2006
1:21 am
Avatar
alycia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sorry just to add because u guys aren't together now, maybe he doesn't feel it right to say it too much or maybe at all? It does all change when u part ways.....

January 16, 2006
1:22 am
Avatar
tinkrbell
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

alycia has a very good point.

Anyone can say it, but how many of us really show it?

tink

January 16, 2006
1:31 am
Avatar
Lostrose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes, I want to work things out. However, he is at his parents & they are going to pay for him to have in patient therapy. He's going to come up and get his car that is broke down out of my garage cause I asked him to. Twice this past week he started talking about sex which he has NEVER talked to me about over the phone. I would say he's getting his sex drive back. However, his saying he misses me & then talking about what he wants to do when he comes back to visit has me confused. On Thanksgiving day when we were splitting we had made love. Then a little later we were in another argument again. And he said he wanted to make me happy & I said HOW. He looked at the bed and said didn't that mean anything to you? That made me think that he feels having sex or making love is showing me his feeling for me. With that in my mind and then him talking about what he's going to do sexualy when he comes up has me really confused......

January 16, 2006
1:35 am
Avatar
Lostrose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh & he also asked how his boy is doing (I have a male cat) & I told him since he left he won't leave me alone & always has to be on me. Then he said oh my boy misses his daddy.

He's been talking like we are together & like nothing ever happened. Maybe this is his way to make ammends I don't have a clue, does anyone else?

January 16, 2006
1:41 am
Avatar
tinkrbell
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Clearly he has intimacy issues. For the most part he feels as thoug all your problems relationship wise can be solved in bed. Nope, he's thinking with the wrong head. Most men hide behind the sex issue and they think it solves everything. It's hard for any man to give a woman what she needs on an emotional level and spirtual level. They mean well, they just don't think about the uotcome of their actions.

tink

January 16, 2006
11:56 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Hi Lostrose,

You said "My ex would say or text he loved me when he was on drugs. When he was coming down from drugs he would say it but not as often."

I think when a person is high, their natural inhibitions lift and they are more prone to say whatever they feel -- be more open.

Feelings of reserve set in when they are off the drugs.

Some/Many men seem to be "action-" oriented and need to MAKE LOVE to show it. Is it Heart, Mind, Physical, or all three?

January 16, 2006
1:44 pm
Avatar
Lostrose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Brynnie for me it's all three. For him I don't know. He never was good at talking about his feelings & now that he's clean he doesn't say anything about his feelings. I know right now we won't be getting back together cause he did tell me before christmas that we can't have a relationship with him there and me here (6 hours away) and of course I never asked why. I have a hard time asking him why.

January 16, 2006
6:12 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

lostrose,

I've had experience with men often where they act like nothing happened. I find this very frustrating whe something did happen.

I think they are afraid of confrontation and so take the coward's way out by hoping you won't mention it if they don't.

I think the key to any relationship is 100% honesty. Tell your ex exactly what you have said here and ask him to clearify.

Also, its not enough for a man to say I love you, his actions need to back up his words in ways that are clear to you, not behavior that leaves wondering.

January 17, 2006
4:18 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Lostrose, it sounds like the sex was really pretty good for him 🙂

When you said he never heard "I love you" till age 14, it makes me feel that he is very emotionally withdrawn. Imagine needing your parent's love so much and never feeling it. It would be very hard to be open about it. It sounds like he's not willing to have a relationship over the phone and that is somewhat understandable. But it also says alot about the level of maturity he has.

Ask yourself how you feel about him. Why, what is it about him that you love? What do you wish to be different? When you are not together he tries to appeal to the physical bond? Maybe say this to him, that you'd rather he talk about goals, plans, something else. Maybe ask yourself why it is so difficult to bring these things up. Just because he says the relationship can't happen for a while seperated does not make it so unless you just accept what he says. Challenge that statement........try to discover your own feelings first.

January 17, 2006
5:04 pm
Avatar
Lostrose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Brynnie
The sex was great for both of us. The chemistry & passion was WOW even if it only lasted 5 minutes it was great.

I love him cause he's sweet, caring, helpful, laid back, easy to get along with (when not on drugs), alot (at least 90%) of our beliefs & values are the same.

The part I wish was different, beside him no longer using drugs is: I wish he would share his emotions with me.

See that's another thing he never told me we are separted for awhile. He said, "We can't have a relationship with you there & me here". But then he starts talking like we are still together. Especially calling himself daddy to my boy cat. That's the way he talked when we were together.....I'm so confused.

January 17, 2006
10:57 pm
Avatar
Lostrose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks everyone for your advice. Since I never know when he's available I sent him this text.

"I need clarification. I'm confused and your giving me mixed signals. First you say no relationship cause you there me here, that we should learn to be friends, then you talked about pounding me, you say you miss me, you asked how your boy is, you said he misses his daddy, you won't say you love me when I know you do. Yes your Turbo's daddy and we are becoming friends. However last week your acting like we are together. I don't want to have false hope so please clarify your intentions."

January 18, 2006
3:30 am
Avatar
bonita1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oh jeez, lostrose,

Couldn't you tell him that you "are not together?" It's not all up to him you know. You do have some say in this. With all due respect, it might be in your best interest to put your relationship with him on a back burner until he is clean and sober for at least a few more months and you have a chance to seek some counseling and work out what you want out of this relationship?

Just food for thought.

January 24, 2006
8:06 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You wouldn't be asking.....You would already know.

January 25, 2006
8:08 am
Avatar
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

YOu know its true love because you can never confuse it! ITs always more then seen.
Sole**

January 25, 2006
9:43 am
Avatar
caraway
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You know it and feel it at times, but still have doubt if you are insecure.

Cary

January 25, 2006
9:44 am
Avatar
caraway
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You know it and feel it at times, but still have doubt if you are insecure.

Cary

January 25, 2006
10:27 am
Avatar
Lostrose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know he cares about me & sometimes I feel he loves me, but I'm unsure. Right now with being in different towns it's hard to know if he still loves me cause I can't see his face. His voice always shows concern.

Yes, I'm insecure & I don't like it. For some reason he feels we need to try friendship & I don't understand why. One reason why I don't understand is cause I've never had friendship first with any of my relationships. So as my name says, I'm LOST....

January 25, 2006
3:48 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If a man trully loves you it is always there in a constant manner. You can count on it being there and on him being there for you.

His words and actions are congruent. He tells you he loves you. He wants to spend lots of time with you and calls you everyday. He enjoys being with you just for your beingness.

You FEEL loved and appreciated by him. You feel free to be you no matterwhat mood you are in and he will still love you.

He cares about your feelings and your happiness and shows it by his actions and words. You can FEEL his caring about you're feelings.

He spends the night after making -love and spends quality time with you in the morning.

He is committed to you and you're relationship. You and you're relationship is priority to him.

If he's trully healthy he wouldn't invest this much time and energy unless you felt the same way.

January 25, 2006
3:49 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

A slight modification to my last statement.

He will woe you and court you to win you over and you will feel pursued.

January 25, 2006
4:18 pm
Avatar
lewis
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

kathygy - where do I find one of those u have mentioned - I want one!

🙂

January 25, 2006
4:32 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

lewis,

first, ask yourself if you trully want this.

Do you find yourself feeling any resistence to any part of this?

you CAN have this. Just believe that you deserve it all.

the healthier you are the more likely you will find this or it will find you.

January 25, 2006
4:42 pm
Avatar
lewis
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

kathgy

I truely do

total resistence?!

'the healthier you are the more likely you will find this or it will find you.'

kathgy you have spoken the truth.

lets hope it will find me! 🙂

((hugs))

ps - & u if u r single 😉

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
24
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111006
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38567
Posts: 714294
Newest Members:
nickbor34, finistratbob, Knewhervel, waylanmarx, rydesk, Castano
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information