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how do you heal your self worth/esteem
February 28, 2005
7:50 am
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hopeful for change
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I guess I have figured out that my low self worth and low self esteem is the root of my problem. That and thinking I need a man to take care of me. I know why I have developed in this way, but I don't know how to fix myself. If that makes any sense.

I just want to heal myself so that I can live a happy life and quit the codependency thing.

Any solutions?

February 28, 2005
9:21 am
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Rasputin
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Hi hopeful,

Develop a relationship with the Lord, if you don't have one.

I used to be like that. I realized that only God can fill that void inside us.

If you like reading, I would suggest to you "The lady, her lover, her Lord" by: T.D. Jakes. An excellent book for every woman who wants to be healed from abuse, pain, ordeals.

Love,

Rasputin

February 28, 2005
9:47 am
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CAMER
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Keep remembering and repeating the postive things about yourself, love yourself and know that you are worthy.

February 28, 2005
9:52 am
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sewunique
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learnig that you are worthwhile

that you are loved and lovable,

love yourself,

set your boundaries and limits,

learn the tips about cedependency to live a better life

and you will have more control of your actions.

February 28, 2005
10:05 am
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jamaicanwife
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Stop comparing yourself to other people. That's what we do, look at those people that we think are more successful, smarter, better looking than we are and then tell ourselves how bad we look in comparison.

Practise seeing the good in yourself, just a few monutes everyday, until it gets to be a habit. I'm still at the experimental stage with this one, but it seems to be helping.

February 28, 2005
10:59 am
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CODA_Mom
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hopeful,

I love all of the responses given by everyone, they are all "right on"!

Your nickname says it ...ya gotta have hope that it is possible for change because hope is future-oriented, it doesn't stay stuck in the past.

I hate to get clinical on you, but what kind of self-talk are you using? Do you tend to focus on your weaknesses, bereating yourself for things you "shoulda...oughta...coulda" known or done? If so, try giving yourself the same slack that you probably give to everyone else. Talk as kindly to yourself as you would a close friend. If you "blow it", don't wallow in your mistakes, just learn from them and move on. Focus on your strengths and accept your weaknesses as part of the way you were created.

Try to be firm with yourself about people-pleasing if you are thinking that you don't measure up to anyone else's standards. It is a toxic waste of time and an endless treadmill of comparison.

You CAN learn to take care of yourself. Instead of dreading facing life's pressures alone, view them as personal new adventures each day. Maybe even start a mental notebook with a title for each day, e.g., "Hopeful for Change, Day 1, Episode 56". Stay open for learning about how to do things you don't have experience with. Be a lifelong learner, it will keep you young and attractive.

It takes time to think in different, healthy ways, but it is definitely worth the work.

Blessings,
CM

February 28, 2005
2:00 pm
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kathygy
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You can increase your self esteem by the choices you make. Make only choices that are in your best interest. That shows yourself that you love yourself. Setting boundareis is good for self esteem also. Be easy on yourself and say positive things to yourself like you are a worthy person and deserve the best life has to offer.

February 28, 2005
5:31 pm
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JohnMurphy
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"I guess I have figured out that my low self worth and low self esteem is the root of my problem. That and thinking I need a man to take care of me. I know why I have developed in this way, but I don't know how to fix myself. If that makes any sense.

I just want to heal myself so that I can live a happy life and quit the codependency thing."

Wanting to heal is 51%. You may proceed 'experiencing' or being yourself just as you are. Perhaps you're judging the very feelings of low esteem for yourself and needing a man to take care of you. As you celebrate and welcome these very feelings you think you should not have or experience, you start the journey to freedom and to holding yourself and your feelings in higher and higher esteem.

February 28, 2005
9:54 pm
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orangeboy
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Hey HFC,
One thing that has been unbelievably helpful for me was to sit down alone and write a list of every single negative thing i ever think or say about or to myself. it was hard and painful and at first i thought it'd never stop, i cried as i wrote and wrote and wrote, but then, eventually they did stop. i got to the end and i couldn't think of one single thing more wrong with me. so then i went through and looked at each thing individually and asked myself where it was coming from. was it my dad? was it my mom? was i holding myself up to a societal standard that i don't even agree with? were any of them true? i looked at the causes as to why i was telling myself each thing, where it was coming from and why it wasn't true. then i decided that any and every time that i started to think a bad thought about myself, i'd stop it immediately. eventually i not only was able to stop the thoughts, but i started to make myself replace them with a good thought instead. eventually the bad thoughts quit coming altogether. for the first time in my life i feel pretty good about myself, and i can't believe that doing such a seemingly insignificant and silly exercise like that could be so powerful. try it! what's the worst that could happen? or maybe try writing a list of all the things you are proud of yourself for, all the things you secretly love about yourself but wouldn't tell anyone. hope this helps.
orange

February 28, 2005
9:58 pm
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art angel
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orangeboy-

great idea!!!

what a helpful thread, everyone.

🙂

hugs,

art angel

March 1, 2005
9:28 am
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hopeful for change
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Thanks orangeboy and everyone. I am trying to pull myself together. I am turning over to god, I am working hard to discover these things and be better.

Your ideas are good ones, and trust me I will put them to use.

Thank YOU

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